JM and Keepers Korner's Wishes to Our Friends and Visitors

To all of our friends and visitors Keepers and JM would like to offer these wishes for each of you in 2008:

continued personal growth

friends who understand and care

T’s who get it

family that takes time to listen and really hear you

less painful memories and many more good ones being created

less stress and more joy

more friends and less enemies

more healing and less pain

time to do what makes you happy

significant others in your life to share life with

to realize you deserve good things and are worthy of them

to be accepting of all your parts and to love your littles

protect your littles

be happy, be respected, be loved

You are all so very special to us and we wish you the best in 2008

peace and blessings

Keepers and JM

Switching Time

Switching Time

The above link is to a book titled Switching Time, written by a psychiatrist it chronicles his therapy with a woman with 17 personalities. I have not read the book, and I will not comment on the review, part of it may well be triggering so if you want to click on the link and read it do so at your own risk. My point is the end of the review which holds what I consider to be a critical point for the survival and healing of anyone with multiplicity or is an avbuse survivor without the multiplicity, and I quote:

With her loving interest, Overhill's grandmother gave her a tiny spark of certainty — no matter how deeply buried — that she was lovable and worthy of respect.

These are critical to healing, to realize they are lovable and worthy of respect. They must believe it, and for them to believe it someone has to show them they feel that way about them. In this recounting of this ladies healing, it was her grandmother who showed her that, in Keepers life I hope it was I, and for everyone else out there who is on this healing journey, I pray someone who sees that in them will let them know that. Keepers and I often tell people that, but as someone on the other end of a phone or a keyboard, can they believe us? I don't know.

If you know someone who is on this path, please let them know you believe it to be true also, that they are lovable and that they are worthy of respect. To do that you may well give the most wonderful Christmas present ever.

Peace and blessings to all

JM

The Spirit of Christmas

The following true story was told to us today by a very dear friend, and we were so touched we asked her to write it and with her permission, allow us to post it so others can read a true Christmas story.

My Christmas Story

We are creatures of habit for the most part–all humans are. We tend to stick to routines. There’s a certain amount of comfort in following a routine–knowing what to expect and when to expect it. You may take the same route to work every day and find yourself behind the same car at the same stop light on most days. The only reason you might notice this car amid hundreds of others is because of a funny bumper sticker or unique license plate. You see the same school bus and the same group of kids waiting for that bus–and the only day you might notice the bus or the kids is if you have to stop for the blinking red lights on that bus and wait for those kids to load up so you can be back on your way.

On the days that I work, I leave my house at the same time and follow the same route. I am usually behind a silver Toyota Camry with a Butler High School decal on the trunk. I have noticed that whenever she is behind me, she takes the first opportunity to get in the left lane and pass me–so she always ends up in front of me. Today I noticed she had two new Christmas decals on either side of the usual orange Butler bulldog paw. Not a big thing to notice, but something different that caught my eye. It won’t be far up the road before she slows our lane of traffic down to make a right turn into a small development. In my mind, I wave goodbye and say “I’ll see ya tomorrow.”

There is somebody else I’ve noticed from time to time. A little boy, about 9-years-old, waiting at a bus stop out in front of one of those pay-by-the-week motels just around the corner from my office. Sometimes I see his mother waiting with him and sometimes I imagine she gets him to the bus stop and heads to work herself. I have found myself wondering how it is that they ended up living there. The mother looks like she’s had a hard life and when looking at her for the brief moments as I pass by, I wonder if she’s running from something or someone.

I live in the south where it doesn’t get terribly cold and we rarely see snow. But it gets cold enough. Yesterday the temperature was 22 degrees when I left my house. I had to scrape a good layer of frost off my windshield before I could leave home and I was thankful I had remembered my gloves. Today the temperature was a bit warmer at 38 degrees, but it was raining…a cold rain. Both days I have noticed this little boy more than usual because he was not wearing a coat of any kind. All he had on against the cold and rain was a sweatshirt. Today he was jumping up & down and shaking himself trying to stay warm as the rain continued to come down on him.

I was only blocks away from work and I began to cry. I knew today had to be different–not only for me but for that little boy. In the next few minutes I had a plan.

When I got to work, I immediately went into my supervisor’s office and told her I had an idea that I wanted to tell her about. We hadn’t yet made any definite plans for an office Christmas party and we usually get each other something frivolous that we don’t really need. I was still crying as I told her about this little boy without a coat in the cold & rain. I asked her if we could bypass those $5 & $10 gifts this year and instead pool the money together to get this little boy a coat, hat & gloves. I could see how touched she was as she reached into her wallet and pulled out some money. I went around to several other coworkers and many were no longer dry eyed and all of them willingly donated—some giving me all the cash they had in their wallets at the time.

I work for the corporate office of a small retail company. We have 6 stores in the area and we sell shoes, boots, dancewear, horse equipment and even some outerwear. So when I approached the boss, he told me he would give me some gloves for the boy and that would be his donation. A short while later, he called me back to the warehouse and he had a selection of coats he had pulled out. He told me to pick one that I thought would fit the boy and he would sell it to me at his cost (which is roughly ½ of the retail price). He said he’d rather do that & see the kid get a really nice coat than to have me go to a discount store and pay more money for a cheaper coat. I picked a nice one out of the pile…a Wrangler coat with flannel lining and a hood. He later brought the pair of gloves he had promised me to my desk so all that was left to get was a hat. After paying for the coat, I still had $71 of donated money to spend on the little boy. I went to Walmart after work and found a hat and a few sweet treats to put in his gift bag to make it even more special. I also got his mother a box of chocolates and put the remaining $55 on a Walmart gift card for the mother to use for groceries or presents.

My plan was to leave for work early tomorrow morning and try to catch the mother walking her son to the bus stop so I could give them the gift bags since I didn’t want to approach the boy if he was out there by himself. But I also wanted him to have the coat to wear in the morning in case it was bitterly cold once again. I decided to drive to the motel this evening and ask whoever was in the management office if they knew where the little boy who waits out front for the bus lives. I was a bit nervous to knock on someone’s door like this, but I wanted him to have his coat before morning. As I pulled into the driveway of the motel, this boy & his mother were walking towards me. They were headed out for dinner I assume. The boy had a short sleeve shirt on and the sun was going down. I quickly did a U-turn and pulled up behind them and opened my window. I had to holler a bit for the woman to hear me over the noise of traffic. I got her attention and she stopped to talk to me. I got out of my car and asked her if this was her little boy and if he was the one I see at the bus stop every morning. She hesitantly answered yes and then wanted to know why I was asking. I told her that I see him every day and I was worried that he had no coat–especially these last two days when it was so cold. I told her that my coworkers and I wanted to do something for them for Christmas and since I had no idea if she would be offended or not, I asked her to please accept the gifts in the spirit that they were being given. She said that he did have a coat but that it is at her other son’s house and they have no way to get it. I told her that she didn’t have to worry about that any longer, as I handed him the giant bag filled with the warmth that every child deserves. She began to cry…and I did too. As I handed her the small gift bag with the chocolates and gift card, she hugged me and thanked me. As she stepped back, I felt two small arms around my waist and I looked down to see this little boy with his arms wrapped around me. I hugged him back and wished him a very Merry Christmas.

I look forward to my drive to work tomorrow-I hope to see him at the bus stop, wearing his new coat. I still don’t know his name, and they don’t know mine…and that’s the way it should be. My routine was broken today and I’m so thankful for that. By giving him the gift of a warm coat, I can now truly feel the warm spirit of Christmas all around me.

-bjy-
12/19/07

Thank you for sharing bjy, and for living the spirit of Christmas

jm

The Pink Dress

I want to thank our wonderful friend Pastor Brown for sending this to us. A lot of things get passed all over via the internet, this is one we were really glad to receive, hope you enjoy it also.

The Pink Dress

There was this little girl sitting by herself in the park.

Everyone passed by her and never stopped to see why she looked so sad.

Dressed in a worn pink dress, barefoot and dirty, the girl just sat and watched the people go by.

She never tried to speak.

She never said a word.

Many people passed by her, but no one would stop.

The next day I decided to go back to the park in curiosity to see if the little girl would still be there.

Yes, she was there, right in the very spot where she was yesterday, and still with the same sad look in her eyes.

Today I was to make my own move and walk over to the little girl.

For as we all know, a park full of strange people is not a place for young children to play alone.

As I got closer I could see the back of the little girl's dress.

It was grotesquely shaped.

I figured that was the reason people just passed by and made no effort to speak to her.

Deformities are a low blow to our society and, heaven forbid if you make a step toward assisting someone who is different.

As I got closer, the little girl lowered her eyes slightly to avoid my intent stare.

As I approached her, I could see the shape of her back more clearly.

She was grotesquely shaped in a humped over form.

I smiled to let her know it was OK; I was there to help, to talk.

I sat down beside her and opened with a simple, "Hello."

The little girl acted shocked, and stammered a "Hi " after a long stare into my eyes.

I smiled and she shyly smiled back.

We talked until darkness fell and the park was completely empty.

I asked the girl why she was so sad.

The little girl looked at me with a sad face said, "Because, I'm different."

I immediately said, "That you are," and smiled.

The little girl acted even sadder and said, "I know."

"Little girl," I said, "you remind me of an angel, sweet and innocent."

She looked at me and smiled, then slowly she got to her feet and said,
"Really?"
"Yes, you're like a little Guardian Angel sent to watch over all the people walking by."

She nodded her head yes, and smiled.

With that she opened the back of her pink dress and allowed her Wings to spread, then she said "I am."

"I'm your Guardian Angel," with a twinkle in her eye.

I was speechless -- sure I was seeing things.

She said, "For once you thought of someone other than yourself. My job here is done".

I got to my feet and said, " Wait, why did no one stop to help an Angel?"

She looked at me, smiled, and said, "You're the only one that could see me," and then she was gone.

And with that, my life was changed dramatically.

So, when you think you're all you have, remember, your angel is always watching over you.

Happy and peaceful trails

JM

Huh?

Adolescents need support during family breakups

By Joene Hendry Fri Oct 19, 4:14 PM ET

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Family breakups take a toll on adolescents, who have high rates of psychological and social problems, including substance abuse, behavioral disorders, anxiety and depression, according to a report in the journal Pediatrics

In addition, the psychological and social distress shown by separated and divorcing parents can play a significant role in their adolescent children's respond to the family breakup, study findings suggest.

"What is the most deleterious for the children is the atmosphere in which the separation occurs and the deterioration of the family relational processes and not the separation in itself," Dr. Christelle Roustit, of the Research Group on the Social Determinants of Health and Healthcare, and Universite Pierre et Marie Curie, Paris, told Reuters Health.

Roustit and colleagues administered questionnaires to 2,346 adolescents, divided into age groups of 13 and 16 years old, who participated in the Social and Health Survey of Children and Adolescents in Quebec, Montreal. In addition, surveys were also completed by 1,983 parents.

Overall, substance abuse, including alcohol, was approximately two-times higher in these adolescents compared with adolescents who were not going through a family breakup. Although seen in both groups, the rate of substance abuse was considerably higher among the 16-year olds.

Oppositional attitudes and behaviors, such as fighting, damaging property and theft were increased in both age groups. While Roustit noted that paternal support helped mediate the association between family breakup and psychological distress, it did not affect oppositional behavior.

Levels of depression and anxiety also were higher than normal in both age groups. In particular, the risk of suicide attempts was three- to four-times higher among 13 year olds, compared with 16 year olds, Roustit said. These behaviors, however, were modified by parental support.

Higher rates of psychological distress reported by parents were linked with adolescent psychological distress as well as the adolescents' acts of defiance, fighting, vandalism, animal cruelty, theft or other violations of the law, but not with adolescent alcohol use or substance abuse.

Adolescent psychological distress in both age groups was also strongly associated with witnessing violence between parents.

Preventing maladjustment disorders among adolescents during times of family break ups, the investigators conclude, may require legal interventions that encourage divorce mediation or joint custody, as well as social interventions that support children and families with their readjustments.

SOURCE: Pediatrics, October 2007.

Huh? I thought all of this was a given. You mean to tell me no one ever realized the effects this stuff had on kids before this report? If so no wonder there are so many people with problems and no wonder so many therapists are no help, they didn't know!!!!!!!

My gosh, and thank the heavens that now they know!! Good Lord I hope they can figure out what to do to help. I can almost imagine that we will see in the news in a week or so that using alternate fuels would cut down our dependence on foreign oil or that Elvis had died or that children under six should not be given cough suppressants, imagine!!

Thank God we have people working on these stories because without their breaking this news to us, where would we be???

I shudder to imagine

Happy trails,

JM

This is Ridiculous!!

They say the wheels of justice move slowly but this is ridiculous. It isn't even the legal system, it is a State Board of Review but it must have been created by the same people who created our legal system. It takes forever and a day to get anything done from initial complaint to final discipline.

As many of you know, Keepers filed a complaint against a former therapist approximately 7 years ago. Hearing after hearing was postponed as he had this to do or that to do and each time he was granted a rescheduled hearing. Unbeknownst to him Keepers actually got stronger as time went on, and even though there were times they considered dropping it, either a) the Assistant Attorney General reiterated the importance of keepers standing up to this man or b) Keepers themselves regrouped and forged onward.

This past January the hearing finally occurred, and yes he had filed for another continuance, and this time Keepers told the Attorney General's office, it's now or never, we are not going to b eput off again. The continuance was denied, the hearing was held, and he did not show, so the hearing proceeded with all of the testimonies including Keepers.

At that point the Judge stated, he is guilty on these charges.

After the hearing the Assistant Attorney General told us how the process worked from here. We are sure we were not told all because they did not want to exasperate us further or truly did not realize the wheel needed a really good lube job! They now had 30 days to inform him of the findings, he had 30 days to rebut the findings then they got another 15 days to rebut his rebut and then it would go to a panel.... a panel who would review what has transpired up to this point!!

My God in heaven, if Judgement Day is anything like this it will take eternity to find out if we are upward bound or downward bound and that doesn't include continuances!

Anyway, we were told the final findings would be on line so we kept checking day by day, week after week, until I got a wee bit po'd and wrote a letter to the Attorney General asking how they could or would expect others to come forward and file complaints against abusive therapists when this was how it was handled? I never received an answer but within 2 weeks the decision was up on line, a matter of public record! Hoorah, finally, justice is served, yahoo...no...wait a sec...what about the discipline, the punishment for his God awful, not to mention abusive and incompetent (state's word, not mine) therapy? Will we get a letter, will it be public record also, what? Couldn't find anything so yesterday I sent another letter to the State Board asking how we will find out his discipline.

Get this....the board will have another hearing!!!! On December 7th!!!!! The hearing will be to determine his discipline, evidently he can debate his punishment against the board and then...and then...they will deliberate again! There will be no decision on his discipline on that day either. The email response said we would receive a letter from the Board outlining the disicpline levied against him, they did not say how long that will take.

So I ask you, is this ridiculous or not?

We are confident that by the time the discipline is official, available, after debate and such, it will have been at least a year since he was initially found guilty as charged. A year!!! Doesn't that seem to be a wee bit long? Supposedly this man is no longer sewing any patients, but what if he was? What if he is? That means that for 7 years he would have been able to see more patients, do more irreparable harm to others, and that to me seems ridiculous. Forget the 7 years from filing to hearing, once that hearing said he was guilty some sort of restriction should have been placed on his license immediately, it could have been temporarily suspended or some such method put in place to make his contact with any other patients cease until after a final decision was determined and in such cases why shouldn't it be moved up to the front of the line?

When I look at the States website I see eight, 8, cases or complaints against psychologists, psychiatrists since the year 2000, which is the earliest decision we can see. Thus I assume that complaint started in around 1993! Surely the board can speed up the process once the guilty or not guilty decisions come in. I understand they are supposed to be protecting their profession's reputation by reviewing complaints and investigating them, which they did a thorough job of, but for crying out loud let's have some consideration for the victims in these situations and I am not talking about the therapist, I am talking about the patients and their families who are seeking to stop therapists from abusing their power, and make therapy safe for others who need it, not make it a breeding ground for incompetence and egos that are in need of some really good therapy themselves.

If you really want to monitor and insure that your profession is clean and competent, no not competent, excellent, don't prolong what the patients have gone through to ridiculous lengths with your excessively long and endless red tape. That is not fair to the patients, they have already endured the worst your profession can offer, isn't it about time they received the best your profession can offer?

JM

A General Catching Up and Look Forward

Well it has been several weeks now since the States decision was posted to their website about Keepers former therapist. As I think most of you know he was found guilty of all of the charges and we now await the Boards discipline to be enacted. He may get a slap on the wrist he may get his license removed forever which would only be fair and protective of anyone else he may come across if allowed to continue practicing. On a more personal note his wife has filed for divorce from him and we can only guess how much this had to do with it. What a shame! Yeah right! Sorry but he deserves some crap for all he did.

This entire thing has had its affect on Keepers, sometimes they feel bad in a way, other times they feel he is getting what he deserves, so it is a roller coaster ride that I believe they now see as he was bad, he harmed them, he screwed things up for not just keepers but for the entire family and as such he deserves any punishment he gets, from the state or his wife or his colleagues.

What else is cooking? Little Keeperskorner, one of Katie's goats named after Keeperskorner is now preggers and will have her first babies soon! Keepers were so happy for the good news!! Keepers also get to name them. There are about 6 goats named after different keepers, so thanks again Katie. We will send you some old stuffed animals for the baby goats soon!!

We are trying to get Keepers blog moved back to the website so it is all in one location, Andrzej our webmaster has found 3 software programs he is encouraged by and will delve into them and see which one might be easiest to use to accomplish our goal.

We are getting ready for Christmas at Keeperskorner by beginning to purchase stuffed animals and such to send to little alters at Christmas time. We are also sending out letters asking for donations from companies of discontinued stock or any other items they may be willing to donate that we could use as gifts.

We are concerned for many of our cyber friends who are in so many ways our family now. Several are having health issues of a physical nature along with the multiplicity and or abuse they have survived. Some have had to find new therapists some have had therapists on extended vacations and all of this is very, very troubling and disruptive for them. Some have felt suicidal, some have simply tried to shut down and become a zombie of sorts, none of which works. Keepers have tried to be supportive in every way possible short of giving advice. Ooops, this one piece of advice is given, "contact your T".

We are still getting new visitors to Keeperskorner which is great, being able to talk with and help support new people who are reaching out is super. Some of them just need anyone to listen, some have lost insurance or whatever to pay for therapy and need someone to talk to. Some have a T on vacation or whatever and reach out to us in their alone time. Pastor Brown says this is our calling for now, to help those in need with what keepers and I can give them. He feels there is more coming but he does not know what, but tells us to be ready for it when it gets here!

Weather wise we are in much the same boat as a lot of other people, not enough rain, way below normal and here we are in October, our normal high is about 75 or so, so we are looking temps in the low 90s with high humidity! One of the more respected weathermen here in town is saying we are running a month behind in the weather cycle. We won't get October weather until November and so on. Looks like he is right so far. We have our air on to keep the humidity tolerable and to be able to sleep comfortably, we usually have it off by August or September unless we run into a short term heat up, but this in October is way unusual for us.

Later this afternoon we will blog with one of our dear friends in the UK, it always interesting to talk with her and we know she can use someone to talk to as she has several family members with bad health matters right now and she is trying to be supportive and helpful to one and all, but always puts herself last, so we have to remind her to take care of herself also!! She is one of our oldest friends here on the internet and she is like a sister to Keepers and myself.

Well, nothing else really going on I can think of right now, nothing earth shattering, didn't win the lottery, again, didn't have PCH come our door with a giant check, again, didn't find a parcel full of cash alongside the road, again, so tomorrow it is back to work. Someday I will do all my work here with Keepers in Keeperskorner, I just wish it would be sooner than later, so if anyone out there is really rich and is looking for someone to help benefit with a kindly annual donation, we here at Keeperskorner are your kind of people!!!

To each and every one of you, happy trails!

JM

Six Flags and Little Keepers and JM

Today, for the first time in little Keepers lives they got to go to Six Flags and be themselves! Big Keepers took a back seat to littles, except when we stopped for a smoke every once in a while or when a call came in on the cell phone, besides that it was little keepers and JM all day long!!

This guy was at the entrance creating these huge bubbles for everyone to admire.

We had so much fun, riding rides, drinking lemonade, taking pictures, laughing, eating funnel cakes, practically walking right onto the rides the first several hours we were there because they just weren't busy yet. The very first roller coaster ride we had our only casualty of the day as keepers hat was taken off their head on the first turn, never to be seen again! As we went by any of the numerous stands there they checked out the hats for a replacement but Terrence found something better in his opinion, see below!

yep!!! Terrence got a Superman cape!!! He will have to share it with Super Terrence but now he has the cape!!

Every ride brought forth a different little laughing and gasping as we rode ride after ride, even some very little keepers came out to squeal in delight at this never before adventure that was theirs to savor, to remember for a lifetime!

I think the Log Flume was their favorite ride overall but if you asked them I think it would be whichever one they just got off of when you asked them. The only disappointment ride wise was the Moon cars were being renovated so the ride was gone. It will be there next year so we will enjoy it then!

View from top of Log Flume:

I would like to thank my employer for making this possible today as the entire finance group was offered this opportunity at Six flags, they paid for our parking, the park admission, a free picture and a free lunch (this was the only downer in this regard, the food was pretty blah, food last year was a lot better!) So we had to stop for our funnel cake earlier than we planned on doing it but it was so darned delish, funnel cake with warm cinnamon apple topping and we left exactly one bite! I asked one of the littles if she was having fun and she heard me but she didn't answer me and I began to laugh which brought out a big asking what was going on and I said I asked if Itty Bit was having fun but she just kept on eating the funnel cake as if to say, "Not now, silly! Can't you see we have a funnel cake to eat!"

Well to make a long story short, after seven hours there it was decided it was time to head home, a super duper time was had by all and it was time. So home we came and guess what...as I write they are on the couch dozing and perhaps dreaming about thier wonderful day at Six Flags, a day for littles.

Happy Trails to all

JM

This Sucks

Insert your own specific for "This" then see above

jm

No Longer Waiting

It is here, arrived a few days ago, and there it was in black and white, 16 pages of the State's decision regarding the charges filed against the former therapist of Keepers. I was not home when it got here so Keepers read it and parts of it to me over the phone. It's effects have already been felt here in our home. What is has done in his we do not know nor do I really care. All I know is that on all charges the State of Missouri found him guilty! The State Board of Psychologists will levy the discipline within 30 days, supposedly, but we all know there is red tape and such but we know he is guilty according to his peers, the Attorney General's office, the expert witness and soon it will be on the State's site listing those who have been disciplined and charged with infractions of the licensing committee's standards.

Sadly it had adverse effects on Keepers almost right away. Reading excerpts from evidence brought forth renewed a lot of old feelings, of him telling them their perceptions were all wrong, that they could not exist in the real world, that only he understood them and cared about them, that I was a bad person only using them, that he was a multiple too so only he could "get it".

To say Keepers, especially the littles, were thrown for a loop would be a big understatement. Ever since the document arrived here they have struggled to regain their feelings of worth, of being good, of having value. That was how far reaching his influence over them was and is to some degree. But, they are recovering. Day by day they are getting a little stronger.

They are receiving supportive comments via their blog and email and phone from their fellow multiples who look at them say "you did good" and "you stood up for all of us and won" and "that took guts" and "thank you for being strong enough to go through with this", all valid points, all true comments, all indicative of Keepers friends and "family" who stand by them.

This was seven long years, years full of self doubt, of fear of him, and part of that fear was brought forth in his reply to the decision, he alluded that Keepers had done things that were not proper and that they were allowed certain privileges by the state in their testimony, which is quite interesting since he wasn't even there to hear their testimony since he chose not to appear because as he stated in a letter to the judge, "my attorneys advise that I cannot win this decision so it is fruitless for me to appear". He then "volunteered to retire his license" but the AG said, "no" we want to prosecute so we can take away his license. It seems if he voluntarily gives it up he could come back and request it be reinstated after some amount of time and the state would have no reason not to. This way that avenue is closed to him. Way to go AG!

In review, he "is subject to discipline because in his treatment of a patient, 1) he wrote a letter of a sexual nature to the patient 2)he reinforced the separateness of her multiple personalities 3) he failed to maintain appropriate boundaries between himself and Keepers 4) his primary focus in his therapy was abreactive work which was inappropriate and could have harmed the patient."

That is it in a nutshell, the 16 pages provide some of the backup for their findings. Some of that was what triggered littles especially. Since then I am trying to reinforce that there was nothing in the 16 pages that said keepers did this wrong or that wrong, everything was on what he did wrong. In addition to his not showing up for the hearing he did not sign his rebuttal. The State board made note of this saying that in their attempts to discern the truth they often have to weigh each persons testimony and decide who they feel is being truthful, his not showing up nor even signing his rebuttal made all of his comments irrelevant in his support and in fact he did corroborate much of what Keepers testified to so the evidence was overwhelmingly against him.

I am very proud of Keepers for not giving up on this procedure, I know it has hurt in many ways, it tore their hearts apart in many ways. They felt used, abandoned, neglected, tricked, you name it. But, they stood up, they went there, they testified and in so doing they won the respect of the judge, the expert witness the assistant Attorney General and many of their internet friends as well as Pastor Brown and myself. This was not easy for them to do. They were hit with more repercussions when that 16 page doc got here. When the discipline is announced that may well trigger more feelings and reactions. All I know is that I hope they are proud of themselves, they deserved to be heard, by authorities, and they were! Their littles now know that the older keepers do care and will do all they can to protect them. They know now that there are people who believe them, people who care about how they are treated and who really respect them.

Keepers and I hope that this man will never have the opportunity to harm a patient again, that others who have been through similar circumstances may well find the strength to report an abusive and harmful therapist if they have one. We also hope that once the annual list of license revocations is put out there and the posting is made of the findings that other T's may reconsider how they treat their patients and correct any bad behaviors they may have for their sakes and most importantly for the sake of their patients.

How often reporting a person in authority to a state licensing committee or board works I do not know, but we do know now that it can work, and that gives me reason for hope after all.

Congrats to Keepers for doing the right thing, for seeing it through, you did good!!!!

Happy trails from here on out!!!

JM

Waiting to See It in Black & White

As many of you regulars may well know, Keepers filed a complaint against their therapist of 17 years, about 7 years ago. We were notified by the lawyer from the AG office just a few days ago that the decision is final, he was found guilty on all five charges put forth in the complaint. We are waiting for the paper copies of the decision to get here so we can read it for ourselves!


This past January we travelled to our state capitol so keepers could testify in the often postponed hearing. That had happened 3 or 4 times. Unbeknownst to the former T everytime he got it postponed he was in fact doing himself in because keepers were getting stronger and more determined as time went by.

We met with the lawyer from the Attorney General's office a couple of times before the hearing and were told he may not show up for the hearing after all. Seems he had tried to get this one rescheduled also but this time Keepers told the AG lawyer that if it was cancelled again they would not testify, that 7 years of this was more than enough. They conveyed that to the judge and the judge agreed, no more postponements!

So, on the day of the hearing, the judge was there, the AG lawyers were there, the expert witness was there the state investigator was there and we were there. The lawyer for the AG and the expert witness, who keepers spoke with for about 20 minutes before the hearing, were very supportive of keepers, they did all they could to reassure her all would be just fine. If he did show up they would do all they could so he did not harass or frighten the littles on the stand.

The judge waited for 15 minutes past the scheduled start time, since the T had not shown up yet. When the judge began they read a letter from the T, stating he may not be there because "keepers were too fragile and he wanted to do what was best for keepers", yeah right, and then he added that "he had been advised by two lawyers he had employed that he stood no chance of winning! Maybe with appeals and more time he could get it overturned but they both said "you will not win". I think that means we had way too much evidence against him, which we gave to the AG, the investigator came up with some of his own and then the "expert" witness added his two cents worth that in his opinion the T had done nothing short of manipulation, deception and impeded the recovery of keepers. for 17 years for his own twised reasons.

Pretty strong stuff! He was found guilty on 5 separate charges, to be honest I do not remember the wording of the charges. The AG recommended the most stringent penalties be set forth. That comes from the State Psychological Board in about 30 days. We can onl7y pray that they will see fit to honor the AG suggestions and recognize the harm this man caused in his 17 years and even thereafter. There are things keepers may never recover from. The brainwashing he did to them is not completely undone, some of the things he convinced them of are still not "undone". The effect he had on keepers relationships with me and our children and other therapists will never go away. Keepers and I have worked through many of ours. They would never see another T I am sure.

Whatever his punishment, or discipline as they want to call it, is, it will not be enough. I spoke with the T who helped Keepers file their complaint those 7 years back, I left her a message that he had been found guilty on all 5 charges. She called me today, happy to hear that but wondering what the discipline will be. In her opinion he belongs in jail. What he did to keepers emotionally, physically, mentally, and to their relationships with others was that serious, that destructive, the heinous.

There was many a time I wanted to take a baseball bat to this person but I was always afraid I would get caught and keepers would have no one at their side. Sort of the same way I felt about all of her abusers, take a baseball bat to them and whale the crap out of them. Maybe the state will use their bat on him.

He deserves it.


Happy trails to all of the rest of you

JM

The Return of Wendys

We have been without a Wendys for about a year and a half now. All of the ones in the greater metro area were owned by one person and they all went out of business at the same time, and in a hurry. This past weekend the one right down the road from us has reopened, and I kid you not, you cannot get close to the place!

We just drove by there, it was about 9:15 PM and there were cars in the drive thru completely encircling the restaurant. The inside was full. We are beginning to wonder if they are giving away free food or paying people to come back. Surely there weren't that many people who missed it to the point of waiting in line for God knows how long! Is there?

This weekend we drove by it 3 or 4 times, and every time it was jam packed! To be honest, keepers and I like Wendy's food, when it is hot and prepared correctly it is pretty good, especially for fast food and we would both take it over Mickey D's anytime or Burger King.
But, we won't spend 30 minutes waiting for a chance to order a burger and fries no matter how good it is.

So I wonder, why do people wait in an extremely crowded parking lot or drive thru for a burger and fries or a baked potato or a frosty? Am I missing something? Is this the part of America I am supposed to be a part of and just can't get it? When we used to go out with our children for a meal, which was most of the times we got together with our son and his family, they had no problem waiting 45 minutes or longer at a restaurant waiting for a table. I could never see it. I could understand it even less when the food was overpriced and usually not very tasty at all on top of waiting for what seemed like forever for less than average food.

If keepers and I go into a restaurant and they say we have a wait of over 15 minutes, we go somewhere else. We cannot see any reason to wait when it always exceeds the time they say it will be and if they are that busy the service is often poor and the food prepared sloppily or takes forever and is often messed up in some manner.

I will not tip poor service or poor food and I will tip for good service and food, I have had a daughter work the restaurant business as a waitress and a bartender and she lived on the tips, not the hourly wage, but that is a separate blog for the future. Anyway, at a restaurant we often visit we had terrible service one night, the food was cold, the appetizers and the main course because the waitress was not paying attention, not because she was busy. Luckily it was pizza for the main so we just took it home heated it up later but the onion rings which are normally stupendous there and the cheese garlic bread were both lukewarm at best and cooled off fast at the table. When we left I did not tip her at all. As we approached our car on the parking lot the owner followed us out of the restaurant and asked us, did we forget to tip our waitress or what?
This was the first time this had ever happened to me but I told him, the service was terrible which in turn caused the food to be cold very fast and that we could not even get her to refill our drinks, we got another waitress to do it. He knew we were regulars, not real often but enough that he remembered us. He apologized for her service, or lack of, and we told him, we have been coming here for years and this was the first time I ever did this, and how we loved their food and atmosphere. Ever since then, and this was a good 5 years ago, he always comes by our table and asks us how we are and how is the food and such. We always get good service and we imagine he tells whoever is waitressing us that if they want their tip, they had best deserve it.

So how in the hell did I get to tipping from Wendys, beats me!!! All I know is now I am hungry! Got some chicken wings thawing out for later, will throw them in the wing fryer made for hotwings and keepers and I will have a snack before we head for bed. Or I guess I could run down to Wendy's....nah.

Happy trails

JM

A Dream Come True

Well, to say that yesterday was an awesome day would be an understatement. Yesterday keepers and I fulfilled several dreams in one day on a special day. It was our anniversary so we did three things , we had our house and studio blessed by Pastor Brown, after that we held a small service in our office and renewed our wedding vows and our commitment to each other, after 37 years we finally renewed our vows and then we had an adoption ceremony, service, where Pastor blessed our adoption of the little keepers into the family of myself and big keepers. Now, all keepers feel as though they belong, none are just tagging along because an adult keeper married me, we are all family and as such we have a new bond, even stronger than before!

Here are some pictures for those who are interested:



here is the office at Keeperskorner, we used the desk for the flowers and unity candle.











here is a picture of keepers roses, i am sorry to say i have not keepers many in our marriage but i know these were very special to them.

















this is the vase for little keepers flowers, they wrote their names on it and now the artificial flowers will be a remembrance vase for them to always have. Oh yes I almost for the lolly bouquet!!











this is Beth, below getting ready to place her flowers and some of the littles she cares for, thier flowers in the vase



keepers and me after the ceremonies and before we headed to a fine Mexican restaurant with pastor Brown for a delicious supper












Pastor Brown and Keepers after the ceremonies










Little Keepers vase after everyone put their flowers in

I really feel that keepers and I are even stronger than before, closer than before, more dedicated to each other and keeperskorner than ever before. Pastor Brown was the first clerical person we found who understood and accepted keepers multiplicity and our desire to have big keepers and me adopt all of the little keepers and make all keepers a part of our family in the eyes of God. Little Keepers have a peace they have never known before, that alone makes it all worthwhile and very precious.

To all of the Keepers, thank you for allowing and wanting me in your lives and for giving me the chance to love you, ALL of you.

Always

JM

A Dream

Keepers and I have a dream, that someday soon I will be able to work here at the studio with them on a daily basis instead of needing to work at a regular 8-5 job and helping in the evening. It has been our dream for quite a while now. It is a big dream we know, and to many it is probably unrealistic, but we had a lot of other dreams that were also, but they have come through. Some did not for various reasons. Like becoming a 501 (c)3 charitable organization due to IRS rules and regulations that would have required us to change our site drastically and our gift giving methods. So we chose to remain a Missouri recognized not for profit and leave it at that.

We hoped to build the studio and the office for Keeperskorner and we have now! The studio has a drafting table, a large wooden easel, computers, printer, and the office has a huge wooden desk and file cabinets and shelves and then we have a storage room with more art supplies, paper, the mat board cutter for preparing Keepers framed art, all has become a reality.

At time we ourselves doubted it could happen but we decided a year ago this past July to make it our ministry, for multiples and survivors, to be a source of hope, instruction, information, friendship, and caring. We have met a great many people through Keeperskorner, many of those people live in other countries, and we have learned about them and their countries and their habits and customs, some are different and some are similar, and all have been interesting and friendly, hopeful and in doubt, struggling and thriving, as we all are at one time or another.

Our dream is continuing onward, some steps seem to be excrutiatingly slow and awkward and others seem to be rapid and awe inspiring. Our personal dreams and our dreams for Keeperskorner are very much intertwined, and we feel on some days to be failing and on others to be succeeding, and the frustration can be offset by joy and the happiness by sorrow. We have lost friends over disagreements, due to death, and we ache for those we lost and treasure those we have. We pray for all and keep them in our hearts and thoughts.

Keepers continue to offer their experiences for others to look at and compare and draw from, to take what they can use to help themselves on their road to recovery. Sometimes I am asked for my viewpoint from the vantage of being the significant other, more or less an outsider due to being a singleton, and when I can I do. It is a teamwork here, not only between keepers and myself but between us and our visitors, our friends, our, what I can only call, family. There is a closeness, a bond, an affinity that only family can perceive, and I am not talking blood family, but family of circumstance and experience, of people who understand a commonality they share, a need they all have, a road they are all on, walking it together, with different people at different times, but all on the same journey, a journey of healing and recovery and yes, I do daresay, thriving.

Happy trails

JM

One Week From Today

One week from today keepers and I will officially be the same family! Every keeper from baby right on up will be family with me. We will have our ceremony presided over by Pastor Brown, and we will all sign a Family License for all to see, hanging right here in the Keeperskorner studio, so that littles especially can look up and see it and know they are are a part of this family.

A few days ago Jennifer asked me if she was going to be a part of the family and if not she understood. I could only reassure her that she was definitely wanted in the family, that I had no intention of leaving any keeper out! Even now after 30 some odd years many of them feel as though they are not wanted, not accepted or just hangers on because of them being a part of the entire group of keepers. I hope and pray this ceremony and license will finally let them all know how much I want them all to be a part of the family. How much I love each of them, respect each of them, want each of them to feel wanted and accepted and respected and loved and not only loved but liked.

I think that is why our marriage has succeeded and thrived and next week will be our 38th year, because love is not enough, you have to like the partner(s) also, if you like them and love them I think the respect comes along. Just loving someone, in my opinion, is not enough, you have to like them also.

Keepers have some painful days to get through before our ceremonies next week, our son's birthday tomorrow and our granddaughter's birthday next Friday, so I know their hearts will be aching, a mother's heart is much more fragile in that way I believe.

Anyway, one week from today we will have reached a milestone, those I married and all those who will be "adopted" into our family! Welcome to all keepers, you always were, but now it will be official so you can know it and see it and feel it. I am sorry it took so long, maybe we had to find the right person to officiate, and I think we do have that person now. Pastor may not understand all of the multiplicity and what it entails, but he is trying to learn, he is open minded, and he cares, he really cares about all of us and we for him. As far as he is concerned, him, keepers and me are family, and I think he is right!

Happy Trails!

JM

What Do You Do?

What do you do when the one person you love more than life itself is not happy, is not fulfilled, is a victim of evil and hatred and you can do absolutely nothing to help? What do you do when their dream is slowly crumbling in front of them? What do you do when you see their dream, which was actually coming through, fall apart? Not just one dream but several, one after another. What do you do?

Everyday I get up and go out the front door knowing full well they have nothing to get up for. They have no one to see, no one to visit, they are alone. Yes, they have people they call, and they IM and they email but they have no one to see face to face, no one to hug in friendship. They had a website, created to offer their artwork and poetry and articles and links to other multiples so they too could find help, support and information that may offer them the strength to go on, to continue on their journey of healing. Then the site was corrupted, we had to start over, then the blog on the site was no longer supported by the software creators so we had to move the blog offsite and now, the site's number of visitors is decreasing rapidly. Why? Are websites passe? Do only blogs garner visits on the internet? Are there no more multiples looking for information or loved ones of multiples looking? Or significant others either?

I have been visiting other website lately, trying to get some clues, I have even sent emails to sites we have links to to see if they have blogs now, and if they have noticed a decline in visits.
I have also been searching for new sites also. It seems from what I can gather so far is that sites in general are not being updated unlike keepers korner, they do not have blogs, unlike keepers korner, and as best I can tell, no one is answering their emails.

The attacker also killed their ability to paint, to draw to write and nothing I do can restore it. Maybe, just maybe if and when the state ever gets it's red taped ass moving and finally finalizes
the discipline and judgement in their case against the former therapist those things will be restored. It has been way too freakin' long, they gave their testimony in January and this is August, seven months later, seven months and still nothing. That is pathetic. I will be sending a letter to the State Attorney General tomorrow, because this is ridiculous, especially when they say they need more people to come forward in cases like this, and yet they let these people, the victims, hang there for years waiting for closure.

It is just the same old shit coming from somewhere else.

What do you do?


happy trails

JM

Hidden Faces

Hidden within are pictures, of faces, partial faces, and who knows what else? See what all you can find.

Happy trails to all

JM

I See . . .

The bridge disaster in Minneapolis just brings to the forefront our countries lack of funding for our very own infrastructure. Our bridges are in terrible shape and more of this will happen, our children and women are not protected from abusive people, our prisons are overcrowded and need to house even more, which in turn makes me wonder, where are we heading? Our health care is a shambles, costs are exceeding incomes, foreclosures are up, and the middle class is not growing, it is disappearing.

Do I have answers? No, I wish I did, but I do see what isn't working. I do see big companies, corporations, gobbling up more and more companies and corporations, I see foreign based companies gobbling up what was US based corporations.. and eventually where will we be?

I see my income not rising enough to meet cost of living year after year, I see medical costs so prohibitive we avoid medical care, I see insurance costs so high but we cannot afford to get medical care because of what is not covered. I see people eating less so they can pay their electric bills, I see people being approved for loans they cannot afford, i see children just now growing up that I thank God I am not them, because I would have no hope.

Sorry for the negative blog but sometimes the bad things are piled so high the good things are blocked from site. Oh I still have the love of my life and our friends but I see little to be hopeful for the world itself. I see global warming and massacres in foreign countries, genocide in others and I still see racial discrimination everywhere from one race to another. I see churches that still cover up the abuse their clergy participates in, I see nations that still promote female mutilation and countries where dictators rule with iron fists and do as they please to their fellow countrymen.

I see mothers walk away from their children for a fix, or babysitters selling those they are supposed to be protecting to their own boyfriend for his sick perversions, I see .... I see too much I don't like, too much I cannot change instantly or even in my lifetime, I see a whole hell of a lot that needs to be changed and I have no idea what to do about it, except pray we wake up.


happy and safe trails to all of you

JM

another window another door

as things happen we sometimes wonder where we are heading to...how will we work around this roadblock...how will we ever do that or help them....and then, somehow, someway...something comes along, it may be new...it may be something we never saw or realized before or it may be something completely new to us...but whatever it is it helps us accomplish that which we felt we could not.

a children's book titled knots on a counting rope helped keepers see what they and their littles were going through and also made the bigs realize what they had to do to help the littles. isn't it amazing how something as seemingly insignificant as a children's book could provide the secret to recovering? to regaining ones strength...to realize what one must do...too see what one is doing and accomplishing!

so you see, when all seems lost somehow or insurmountable just look around and open your eyes to all of the possibilities that are there, and do not restrict yourself to the easily and highly visible because you may be overlooking things that really could help you see that new path to take to get around the newest obstacle in your path.

they say when one window or door is closed God opens another, sometimes we just can't see them right away...something to do with not being able to see the forest because of all of the trees that are in the way.

happy and safe trails to all of you

JM

Supporting Keepers

Keepers just wrote a blog reclaiming their lives and their little ones. All I can say is bravo and I am with you 115%! Whoever this person is they need to see that we are reporting all of their threats, that we refuse to kowtow to their lies and misinformation and that we will do everything we can to protect the little keepers and to let them know they are loved.

Whoever this person is, they need help, they need counseling, they need help. They are living in a world of their own creation, one that is no where near reality. Somehow, someway they need to realize this and get help to deal with it.

To them I say keepers and I will go on with Keeperskorner because it is the right thing to do. Keeperskorner helps people. We feel Keeperskorner is what we are supposed to be doing at this point in our lives and the feedback we get from other multiples and survivors says the same thing. We have the support of our local police department, of our Pastor, of the Attorney General's office and a whole lot of friends and family from here in our home state to countries half way round the world.

This is the right thing to do.

peace and blessings

JM

Great Distances

Over the last year keepers and I have met quite a few people over the internet, some we have IM'd with and emailed and some we have spoken with over the telephone and met none in person. So, when they or we have a crisis, mini or big, sudden or building to a crescendo, it would be so nice if we could hop in the car and drive over and sit with them and be there to help in some manner or vice-versa. That is the frustrating part of meeting everyone, only being able to be there for them over the distance, in spirit only. Maybe it is that way for a reason, I do not know such things.

We know people in Australia, the UK, Canada, Scotland, and India and each relationship is long distance. Like I said, though maybe there is a reason, maybe it is how the big plan is laid out. To be there for people, more or less blind, no perceptions of them except in your own mind. We do know how some look, at least from the neck up because they have kindly sent us a picture for our Wall of Wonderful, but even that can be forgotten when the voice on the other end of the phone line is in trouble. Granted, keepers are the main focal point with the other multiples and abuse survivors but I do IM with some and maybe talk on the phone with them if I answer but for the most part it is keepers sharing their experiences, consoling them, and sometimes they are the ones being consoled.

Point is, no matter how great the distance, no matter how different the time zones, we all try to do the best we can for each other. We often talk of meeting somewhere, sometime and whether it happens or not there are definite friendships being made and nurtured each and every day. A sad point but real point is that we also lose friends, as disease and tragedy strikes everywhere and maybe then, is when the distance sometimes eases the pain just a bit.

We consider ourselves blessed to be able to be a part of these people lives. There are those here we wish we could say the same for but we cannot. That is life and we must accept such things. At least we have these new friends who are in many ways our expanding family, not of blood but of necessity and of caring and of mutual concerns and true friendship.

To all of you no matter where you are, in fact some of you live a matter of hours away from us while others are on the other side of the world, we say thank you for being you and letting us be a part of your lives.

Happy trails

JM

When to fold 'em

Keepers just wrote a blog about knowing when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em and I couldn't agree with them more. They finally folded for the game they were in, a very painful game that had gone on way too long.

Now it is over.

You have to realize when something is no longer dreamable, when it is just too far gone to ever recover. That is when you fold 'em and find a new game.

That is what we have had to do.

We all have to sometimes, no getting around it. Sometimes the players come around, sometimes they don't, sometimes they get better sometimes they get worse. Sometimes they try to drag you down with them, into some new, twisted game of their choice. We chose not to.

Been in too many of those over the years and we are not interested in getting into any new ones like that or staying in any old ones like that. Life moves on, we play the cards we are dealt, in each game. There is no rules about finding other games. Everyone is encouraged to find a new one if the game they are in is a losing game.

I hope you all can recognize when you are in a game which says, hold or fold, and I pray you can fold if need be, and go find a new game. To all of you who can hold 'em and come out a winner I applaud you.

happy trails

jm

mean and cruel

I am sorry to admit that i have said things to people at times that was mean and or cruel, not intentionally but more through not thinking before I spoke or wrote and generally as a much younger person. As I have grown older and seen more I often wonder why people in their 30's, 40's and even in their 90's can say so many mean and cruel things to people as if they have absolutely no effect on those they speak to! Are they that clueless that they do not realize the hurt they are inflicting? Are they that ignorant? Or...are they that mean and cruel?

A friend of ours just went through this, when their weight was the butt of their other friends jokes and while they attempted to laugh it off and chalk it up to "well we really are big and fat, so it was true, and we should not be upset when they say something true". it did indeed hurt and hurt deeply. For their "friends" to say that, is to me, boorish behavior on their part.

I have seen older people do this also, my own grandmother will ask "why is she wearing that hat? It looks silly" or "why did she color her hair, it was so much better looking before," or "why are you wearing that and showing off so much skin?" Each of these comments were directed at keepers, in each instance it was said as if only her opinion counted and keepers should change just for her. It is her complete lack of caring about what effects her comments have on people that made me realize, she enjoys being this way.

One of keepers grandmothers was the same way, she would tell family members lies, saying A said B was this or that, then go to B and say did you know A said this about you? then come over to C and say, watch A and B!!! she would laugh as they reacted to her lies!! how mean and cruel can any one person be? I mean abuse that creates multiplicity is indeed horrific but this is abuse also in my opinion.

Writing lies in blogs, blog comments and emails in an effort to hurt are just as abusive and just as mean and cruel, and only goes to prove that the writer is a sick, twisted person who cares about no one but themselves.

Another person is the one who says something offensive and then laughs, as if to say oh this is all a joke, I didn't mean it and in an effort to not make a scene the offended person, laughs along, all the while hurting inside or being angered but none the less, saying nothing in their own defense.

People who make these cruel comments verbally or in text, we have tried to remove from our lives, they are not beneficial to our well being. They are not people we want to be around. There is no reason to put yourself in the direct path of mean and cruel words. We all deserve to be treated with respect and if people cannot do that....so long!

Happy trails to all

John M

Corn and Tomatoes

June 30, 2007, the first meal of corn and tomatoes for this year, this season of fresh veggies in our area. We have done this for so long, even when we had all the kids at home, when the corn and tomatoes come into season we have meals of nothing but sliced tomatoes and corn on the cob. Tonight was our first this year, and tonight the corn especially was sweet and juicy. It was the mixed variety, white and yellow kernels, simply delicious.

Now the tomatoes we will have on everything. Keepers love cheese and tomato sandwiches, or tomato on a hamburger while I will put sliced tomatoes on just about all kinds of sandwiches, hamburgers, hot dogs, bologna, even a fried egg sandwich, yum!!! We had BLTs this past week and will have them again next week. Ah yes, when these two things are plentiful and in season we will get our fill!

Now where's the watermelon?


peace, blessings and happy trails to everyone

john michael

Movies For a Rainy Day

Here is a partial list of some of JM's favorite movies to watch on a rainy day or evening: Feel free to throw your comments about these movies my way!

Pirates of the Caribbean

Chicago

Jesus Christ Superstar

Red River

Support Your Local Sheriff

The Shootist

Any Robin Williams Concert

What Women Want

Young Frankenstein

True Lies

Sin City

Terminator

48 Hours

The Rock

Shane

Casino Royale (new Bond movie)

Once Upon a Time in the West

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

A Day at the Races

A Night at the Opera

Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid

There is Family, Then There is Family

Keepers just wrote a blog today about Family, what is it, why is it, who is it?

In the end after all was said and done they made a very definite point that blood and DNA should not be the all inclusive factors in determining who your "family" is, there are other factors to consider, like loyalty, deserved loyalty not blind loyalty. Honesty, in dealing with people, honesty in doing what you say you will do, honesty in how you treat strangers also. Being supportive, not only when convenient or to your benefit, but when the other person needs your support.

Too many people blindly say "it is my family I have to do this or do that" and that is boloney! When your family is hurtful, or dangerous, or deceitful or hateful or abusive or trapped in addictions, or mean or negative in their behaviors and actions, your family lines must be drawn in order to protect you, and others you love.

Both keepers and I have had to withdraw from many blood family members because they are harmful to us, and to others, and to themselves and no matter what we do they are not changing, they have no desire to, so the relationship had to cease. Other members of our families have done the same thing, because in their opinion it is harmful to them, it is negative to them, it is in their best interest to put space between them and their family. In the end, one must look out for one self and those who cannot protect themselves.

I could write a lot more here, and I probably will in the days coming, but for now let it be stated, we have found so many more people who are not blood or DNA related that we feel so close to, so in line with, so attached to and so cared for that we also care so much for, that we consider to be our family. Your normal standard family, no! But that isn't so bad, when you look at society and what is considered normal now, it is not bad at all. In fact, it is quite a few notches above in my opinion.

Happy trails to all

JM

Eavesdropping

I have been sitting here working at the computer, listening to keepers talk with another multiple on the phone, a system in a sort of turmoil right now. They have been diagnosed as DID for around a year so it is all very new to them. The different alters are bickering and fighting for time out, time out to journal their feelings, to visit other people, to email people, to read stories and be read stories and other such activities. To even talk to the therapist!

As most of you know, my wife, Keepers, has multiple personalities and she offers contact and such with other multiples via her site and the phone and email and IMing. Being a singleton (me) I cannot identify with all of the feelings simply because I am not a multiple. I can understand some of it having lived with Keepers for over 35 years and only because of all of the exposure I have had would I put out any opinions here about what they are going through.

Keepers have lived in the knowledge of having many within for a very long time having been diagnosed back in 1982, while this system they are talking with has been living with this knowledge for about a year or so. Logically Keepers have some knowledge and experiences they can share and thus offer some insight into what this other system is enduring and what may possibly help them.

I do know that so much of what multiples feel and react to is because of how they were treated as children, it was so horrific and so intense and so long in happening that they themselves treat their inner ones in the same manner. They will ignore, insult, put down, other alters who do not agree with them in any manner. This is what they learned to do, this is what they were taught.
This is what they have to unlearn and undo in order to begin to cooperate together and move forward together.

It is indeed sad to watch as they prolong the hurt to themselves because it is all they know. To believe they deserve better is so foreign to them, to believe anyone would believe them, is so foreign to them, to believe they are lovable in the truest, realist meaning of the word, is foreign to them, and it goes on and on. They literally perpetuate the abuse and the abusive behaviors they were treated with as children among themselves, so much so that their own littles want to go away and hide to avoid the fighting among the alters.

Do I have answers, hell no, I have none, all I have is observances as an outsider. I saw Keepers go through this and like everything else it seems, good old hindsight is so good!! Keepers now can try to explain because of what they went through, have done, have gotten through but at the same time it can be so frustrating because systems that are relatively new in their realization of what they are are so locked in to those old brainwashings of their abusers there is a lot they cannot see or hear.

They do not see they are beating themselves up, they do not see their own little alters feeling so neglected and pushed aside and scared by the fighting among older alters, they do not see or comprehend that they themselves are being disrespectful of each other just as their abusers did not respect them.

So I sit here, eavesdropping, wishing I could offer Keepers and way, a method, a means to get through tot his other system, but I cannot. And I sit here eavesdropping, wishing I could offer some magical words to the other system, to help them really hear and understand what Keepers are trying to get through to them, but I cannot.

So I sit here, eavesdropping, and praying that God is also eavesdropping and that in His way, will help all involved, to see, to hear, to understand, to survive and thrive.

God bless


john michael

A Long Time Between Blogs

It's been a while since I last posted a blog, so long I don't even remember what the last one was about. I had been trying to formulate a rebuttal to the IRS because they said we did not qualify for a 501(c) 3 status as a charitable organization. I called them, spoke with the agent who sent us the letter, for a couple of hours. All to no avail. We do not meet their guidelines and to meet them would eliminate things like the links to other multiples and survivors sites that we have on our website and blogs! We have to let the IRS know way more than is necessary for them to know. We have to find more people to be on our board and to participate in making the decisions for Keepers Korner, so, we are giving up on being classified as a "charitable organization" by the IRS and will be content with being a "not for profit" in the great state of Missouri.

What else? Well our new webmaster is still trying to add a sub menu to the website so we can add pages. The previous webmaster who developed the site did not allow for easy expansion. Previous says no problem, current says not so, and three others we had look at the site, said, no way!! Majority rules, site is not easily expandable. So, the frustration continues.

Next! This morning at 6:03 Owen, our big cat decided it was time for him to walk on keepers and me, meow at keepers and me, climb on us get down from get back up on us, meow at us again, etc etc etc. Of course once we got up he went off and laid down somewhere! Cats!!!! I love 'em but sometimes.............

Serpentine belt on our car almost blew, took it in to get it replaced, not knowing what to expect, and had a relatively nice surprise, the hoses were okay! I figured if the belt is shot the hoses probably are also but they said they were okay and did not need to be replaced! yeah, less money than needed to repair the car.

Keepers have been very busy with several multiples who are having really difficult times right now, I won't go into any details out of respect for their privacy. Let's just say that in my opinion Keepers are doing exactly what Keepers Korner is about, helping them get through what is currently happening, helping them have a voice to vocalize their hurts and fears, being an ear and a shoulder for them to speak to to lean on. This is why Keepers Korner is; why it exists. These people need someone they can turn to and they have found it. Almost daily we receive emails and comments, on the blogs, the website, about the help, the support, the reminder, people have found there, things that help them keep on going. I am proud to be a part of it.

Sports! the Cardinals don't suck as much as they did but they are nowhere near where they should be, but time will tell. Looks like they have no pitching, looks like they have little hitting, and the commitment of the entire team is questionable at this point. I expect a major shakeup after this season but I have been wrong before, hmmmm come to think of it when was I right
about this team? oh well, we all make great managers and general managers from where we sit, right?

Lottery Update!!! Mega millions, still haven't won. Powerball, still haven't won.

Work update! Still work. See above for the Lottery Updates

To all of my visitors here, the visitors to Keepers Korner website and blog, have a wonderful coming week and may all of your wishes come true.

Happy trails pardners

John Michael

Why Is It?

Why is it that people try to save addicts who don't want to be saved? Over and over again they put them in rehabs and treatment centers and either the addict walks out or waits until they are discharged and then they go back to their addiction, and then the cycle starts over again. How often does the addict do this before people finally realize no one can help the addict until the addict wants help.

Why is it that some people, and I use the word people very loosely, actually enjoy hurting people, both physically and emotionally? I mean, to actually get some sort of high when they know they are hurting someone? I have seen an elderly grandmother stir up crap between two people to watch them go at it, I have watched people pretend to be other people in emails and blogs to intentionally hurt people emotionally. Why?

Why is it that our government does not require a church to file any forms to become a charitable organization yet if we want to be recognized as one to help multiples and abuse survivors we have to file a zillion pages of forms, answer ridiculous questions and jump through hoop after hoop?

Why is it that roses are $9.99 a dozen until a week before Valentine's Day and then they are $35 and the same price gouging on any other holiday? Likewise how can a grocery store sell t-bone steaks for $9.99 a pound and then for $4.99 a pound, that's a $5 diff on the price or Pepsi is #3.50 a twelve pack or the same as $7 a case of 24 and then, voila, it's on sale for 5 12 packs for $10 or $4 a case? Which then brings us back to gas stations, the price jumps at 10 or 20 cent increments but drops in penny increments, why is that?

Why is it that there is more news coverage and more outrage over the pet food contamination than over the plight of children who are abused day in and day out in every imaginable way? or for that matter over spousal abuse?

Why is it the news has less news than ever before, a good portion of it being self promotion and show promotion and sadly terrible news after terrible news?

Why is cable and dish touted as so wonderful? Remember when people were so fed up with commercials on "regular" tv so they welcomed cable and dish, and yet they too have a ton of commercials on their stations many seemingly more than "regular" or "commercial" stations!
Why are the same movies on over and over and over and over?

Why is it that Anna Nicole has been dead for months and she is still being talked about on "news" shows?

Why is it that someone who is considered an excellent baseball player, one of the best to come along in many a year can decline so much in one year? Say for his first 5 seasons he averages 38 HRs and 125 rbis and this year, out of the blue, he is on a pace for 22 HRs and 75 rbis?

Why is it that I write these Why is it blogs? Do these things just bother me and a few others or more than that?

til next time

JM

Mucho Good Mexican Food

Poor grammar I know but boy was the food excellent! We went to this restaurant the night before keepers testified against their former therapist, in our state capital. The food there was so good and so inexpensive, what a welcome thing that was! When we left they said they had another restaurant near St Louis but we did not know where. Well on one drive back from meeting with Pastor Brown we saw a billboard for their new location, it is about 50 miles from our house.

Today we took a drive out there, around 5 this afternoon, it was my way of telling Keepers happy Mother' Day, just a day early. They had mentioned going there a couple of times since we had seen the billboard but I don't think they ever expected us to go there. We got there before the supper rush so there was no waiting to be seated. We ordered 2 number one combinations and an order of beef nachos to share and 2 Pepsis. They bring the usual salsa and chips for an appetizer and the salsa is okay but on the table they have habanero sauce, both red and green, so we added some green to the salsa, that perked things up real quick!

The nachos are simply chips on a platter, covered with seasoned ground beef and that is covered by melted cheese and I do mean covered! With a lot of both. The combo plates we chose had 2 beef and cheese enchiladas, a beef taco with cheese and lettuce and spanish rice. We add salsa to the taco and to the rice and I spread it on my enchiladas also. At one point keepers ran out of soda, had a few bite with the green habanero sauce and it burnedddddddddddd. Just about then our waiter came by picked up their empty glass and put his hand on their shoulder, "Are you okay?" he asked

They nodded "yes"

He looked her empty glass, her face, then the habanero bottle, "Did you put the green sauce on your enchilada?" he asked

They smiled and said "Yes"

He shook his head as if to say "crazy gringo lady" and went to refill her soda. He was funny.

So we left there with three to go boxes, they had one and a half enchiladas left and some rice, I had two enchiladas and a little rice and about 1/3 of the nachos and it cost us a whopping total of $22.62 tax included. And we will get a late evening snack out of it or lunch tomorrow, either way it will be delicious.

So there you have it, our night out...oh yeah, I forgot we went to Wally world after that a we got them a small Mothers Day cake. Terrence got into that as soon as we got home!!! That's okay, that is what it is for, to each of them I say Happy Mother's Day, I know how much you love your children, I know how you did the absolute best that was possible, I know you will always love them no matter what. You were and are a wonderful Mom.

Love

JM

More Ramblings

May 01, 2007 so what is new? Cardinals suck big time, even before they lost a team mate. Now it is even worse. Look for big changes after this season from management to players.

Mucho rain here today, lots of thunder and lightening, wind for a while had rain blowing in windows and we weren't paying attention so had three wet places in the house! OOOOps!
All of the noise today has no effect on Owen and Max, sleep right through it like it is nothing.

Why was traffic a pain in the keester today? On the way to work and the way home, traffic, traffic, traffic!!! Long lines on the highways and interstates for no apparent reason. Just one of those days you wanted to stay off of the roadways.

Bill paying day, everybodys favorite day, right? Well, maybe not...pay this credit card this much and that one that much and oooh look that one is almost paid off!!! Yay!!! Hey, what happened here? I thought this one was lower....oh yeah, had to buy that thigamajig last month, forgot about that!

Wore one of my new shirts for only the second time today, nice comfortable one, and we go to I-Hop for supper, good old Rootie Tootie Fruitie meal and guess who gets strawberry juice on his new shirt? Yeah, it was me! Wiped it with the stain stick when we got home, hope that takes care of it.

Over on Keepers blog the rude and crude comments have eased off for a few days, maybe it will end now and the idiots will find someone else to bother, really hope they just dry up and blow away and not bother anyone, but then along comes another one....do these people leave comments like this, "you are so full of yourself, big deal you have a site about multiplicity, so do a lot of other people" because they think it makes them look smart? or observant? or philosophical? or like a mental genius? or eloquent speakers of the absurd or what?

Bet that last one gets a comment! That's what moderation is for, right?

Misunderstandings are multiplying like bunny rabbits in heat, every blog i read here lately has comments or innuendos of someone taking exception to this or that or why did you say that and then oh you weren't talking about me? Sensitivity is high!!!!!! Seems most of it is misunderstandings. too bad too because these people normally support each other, not get upset with each other and tear each other apart. What it is, or so it seems is that many of the players are each having their own issues and turmoils going on, which is making each of them apprehensive and leery of words from others. Abreactions are common right now, many are writing about it on their blogs and that creates nothing but havoc with multiples.

Keepers have some time to do art now but no motivation, so i told them maybe they should let the artwork flow, in other words it doesn't have to be a pretty picture that fits in the Healing Gallery, maybe it will be a picture reflective of the goings on from the last several weeks and fit better in the Trauma Gallery.

That's it for now, see you soon!

JM

Another Needless Death

The St Louis Cardinals lost another player over the weekend, this time in an auto accident which may have involved drunk driving, again. I say again because it happens day after day night after night all across this country of ours. Have I done it? Driven under the influence? Yes I have but not for over 20 years. It was stupid to do.

As I was growing up I knew people who died this way, as our kids grew up they had friends who died this way, and now I have friends at work who have kids or relatives who die this way. i wonder when we will get it, drinking and driving do not mix. Alcohol plus vehicle equals death way too often!!

At least this time, if alcohol was involved, no innocent bystanders were killed in the process.

JM

Miscellaneous Ramblings part II

Catchy title for a blog, eh? Where oh where did the month of April go? Same place March went I guess. This is one of those going nowhere blogs in case you haven't guessed yet. Our local major league baseball team sucks big time so far, season starts and the entire team except for one player goes into a batting slump, whole team is hitting like .200 so far, not good at all.

It's spring in the midwest here so one day it is 65 degrees and the next is it 82 and then the sky rumbles and lightning shoots all over and we get a downpour that lasts for 10 minutes and it begins to feel like a sauna.

Our income tax refund is gone already but we now can use our shower and bathtub again after 3 months of not having it, but now the bathroom sink drain clogs up!!! gotta go find my snake and try to unclog it.

the boys, our 3 yr old cats, Max and Owen are still as goofy as usual, they are like having a couple of kids around. I was talking with Keepers on the phone while I was at work today and i hear them say, "we don't know what happened in the basement...we heard something fall...then both cats came flying up the steps...right past me...and this is the different part...usually when they come flying up they stop when they see one of us and just kind of walk like we aren't supposed to notice how they flew up the steps...then they pick it up again after they get by us...but today they just flew by her and headed to the back bedroom where they stayed for about an hour!" Still haven't gone down in the basement to see what happened, not that brave yet.

Went to Red Lobster for dinner tonight, Shrimp Lover's Tuesday, 3 shrimp dishes for $11.99 includes salad and those wonderful cheddar biscuits! When we left Keepers said "You know we have never had bad service at Red Lobster" and we haven't! Oh yeah, always order some crab cakes also, delicious stuff.

I have to buy a new headlight for the car, bought new shoes tonight, old pair wore out, I know exciting stuff!!

Over at Keeperskorner some odd stuff was happening last week, seems to have ceased for now, I am very proud of keepers for holding their own and making it through what was a very difficult time for them. Waiting for Andrzej our webmaster to make some much needed changes to the menus for the site so we can expand it some more. Maybe by this weekend, keeping fingers crossed!!

That is all for now, nothing major, just some rambling words to let the four of you know I am still out here.

Happy trails pardners

john michael