Eavesdropping

I have been sitting here working at the computer, listening to keepers talk with another multiple on the phone, a system in a sort of turmoil right now. They have been diagnosed as DID for around a year so it is all very new to them. The different alters are bickering and fighting for time out, time out to journal their feelings, to visit other people, to email people, to read stories and be read stories and other such activities. To even talk to the therapist!

As most of you know, my wife, Keepers, has multiple personalities and she offers contact and such with other multiples via her site and the phone and email and IMing. Being a singleton (me) I cannot identify with all of the feelings simply because I am not a multiple. I can understand some of it having lived with Keepers for over 35 years and only because of all of the exposure I have had would I put out any opinions here about what they are going through.

Keepers have lived in the knowledge of having many within for a very long time having been diagnosed back in 1982, while this system they are talking with has been living with this knowledge for about a year or so. Logically Keepers have some knowledge and experiences they can share and thus offer some insight into what this other system is enduring and what may possibly help them.

I do know that so much of what multiples feel and react to is because of how they were treated as children, it was so horrific and so intense and so long in happening that they themselves treat their inner ones in the same manner. They will ignore, insult, put down, other alters who do not agree with them in any manner. This is what they learned to do, this is what they were taught.
This is what they have to unlearn and undo in order to begin to cooperate together and move forward together.

It is indeed sad to watch as they prolong the hurt to themselves because it is all they know. To believe they deserve better is so foreign to them, to believe anyone would believe them, is so foreign to them, to believe they are lovable in the truest, realist meaning of the word, is foreign to them, and it goes on and on. They literally perpetuate the abuse and the abusive behaviors they were treated with as children among themselves, so much so that their own littles want to go away and hide to avoid the fighting among the alters.

Do I have answers, hell no, I have none, all I have is observances as an outsider. I saw Keepers go through this and like everything else it seems, good old hindsight is so good!! Keepers now can try to explain because of what they went through, have done, have gotten through but at the same time it can be so frustrating because systems that are relatively new in their realization of what they are are so locked in to those old brainwashings of their abusers there is a lot they cannot see or hear.

They do not see they are beating themselves up, they do not see their own little alters feeling so neglected and pushed aside and scared by the fighting among older alters, they do not see or comprehend that they themselves are being disrespectful of each other just as their abusers did not respect them.

So I sit here, eavesdropping, wishing I could offer Keepers and way, a method, a means to get through tot his other system, but I cannot. And I sit here eavesdropping, wishing I could offer some magical words to the other system, to help them really hear and understand what Keepers are trying to get through to them, but I cannot.

So I sit here, eavesdropping, and praying that God is also eavesdropping and that in His way, will help all involved, to see, to hear, to understand, to survive and thrive.

God bless


john michael