Keepers are right now on the telephone, it is 11:21 pm and they are talking with a little from someones system, a very scared little who needs someone to listen to her, someone to hear what she is saying, someone to tell her it will all get better. This is not unusual for keepers to be doing this. This what they often do, over the telephone or via email or IM'ing on the computer, listening to people who have no one to turn to, or feel like they have no one to turn to, whichever makes no difference, they need someone and they turned to Keepers and Keepers are doing all they can do to help this little one.
I could not do this, I do not have the correct perspective since I am not multiple nor am I an abuse survivor. I can only sit here on the sideline and do what I can do to help Keepers have the time to talk and listen to others. This is how keepers Korner functions, they handle the person to person stuff and I handle the routine emails and site issues, coordinate things with Andrzej and so on.
I know Keepers do what many T's cannot do, for the same reason i can't either. They are not multiples or abuse survivors, at least not the majority that I have heard of. Based on how most of them treat their patients they are clueless in many aspects. Maybe that is why many turn to Keepers. Some T's have turned to Keepers over these last several years, to ask questions of them, to ask how best to help their patient or understand their patient. What Keepers do is remarkable in my view. I do not think I could ever do what they do. They do have some sort of calling to do this, one they realized and swore to do. They have made a commitment to be there.
Does that mean they can handle it all alone or hour after hour, no. They need breaks and timeouts and time to let their hair down and just chill sometimes. Why? Because they don't tell anyone that their time is up, see you next week. I have seen them sit on the phone or computer all night to be with someone as long as they needed them.
What I am saying is that I truly respect what they do, how well they do it, and how much they give of themselves, unselfishly. I only wish they had someone like them to turn to when they were so needful many years ago. For those who have access to keepers now I know Keepers will be there for you, all they ask is that someday you be there for someone else.
Happy trails
JM
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Desperate Words
I have tried to write this blog over and over and over, and I cannot even get past the first sentence. All of the negatives of their lives vastly outweigh the positives of their lives. At this point, they see no reason to go on and would welcome death. Only because my mother committed suicide and they saw what that brought about did they once promise to never do that to those they love. If not for that I imagine they would no longer exist.
Please pray that they see they do make a difference to people who know the real them. That everyone is not like those who used them, abused them, picked on them, walked away from them, shunned them, minimized what they went through then and now, etc.
They are alone. They want to die. They want the aloneness to end.
Thank you for your prayers.
JM
Please pray that they see they do make a difference to people who know the real them. That everyone is not like those who used them, abused them, picked on them, walked away from them, shunned them, minimized what they went through then and now, etc.
They are alone. They want to die. They want the aloneness to end.
Thank you for your prayers.
JM
Monday, May 26, 2008
RAIN, rain and more of it
- Ever see Paint Your Wagon? The scene of the rain, the bloody bloody rain, a mud encased mining town with a bunch of wet, muddy miners, well that is what we look like this Memorial Day Weekend, wet and muddy and soggy. To be honest it did stop today, but what is unusual about that is that last Thursday our local weather people were forecasting rain for today and hot and sunny saturday and sunday, well it was just the opposite, Friday night, rain, Saturday day and night, rain, Sunday, rain off and on then rain last night, and today cloudy and overcast changing to sunny BUT sometime tonight more storms moving in for tonight and tomorrow!!!!
At 5 o'clock the weather people on tv said we are now 12 inches above normal for this year.The last several years we have been under, drought like conditions, but now we are way over, feast or famine I guess.
So I never was able to mow the yard and by the time I can it will knee high to me and that is not good. EEEhah, more fun! So how has your Memorial Day weekend been? Must admit we did have some good food, all of the bbq variety. Hot dogs on Saturday, pork ribs on Sunday and chicken breasts today, got our fill of bbq for a few days that is for sure.
We even stayed up late one night and watched some movies. Let keepers teens pick the movies last night, watched Footloose and Flashdance, looks like tonight it will be Benny & Joon with Jonny Depp, I have really come to appreciate him as an actor, so it should be enjoyable.
Tomorrow it is back to work, would rather stay home with keepers and wor on keepers korner but until we win the lottery have to keep on working.
happy trails to all
JM
Monday, May 05, 2008
Proud of Keepers
Today Keepers took their story about the former therapist to a local news reporter. He interviewed them about DID, about the former therapist, about what he did, etc. and Keepers gracefully answered his questions, gave him details and yes, even laughed with him. They were so worried about looking foolish, not only for themselves but for multiples in general. They know that some people will see them on local TV tonight and scoff, while others may make dumb comments and some will genuinely be interested and maybe, just maybe, another patient of a therapist who is also being a jerk will realize they can find help, that there are people who will listen and contact the state board or even the reporter.
It is less than two hours until the sotry will be on tv so they are anxiously awaiting it to air. Every indication is that he will handle it respectfully. After he and the cameraman left I asked her if she still wanted her face blurred as he had offered to do so I ran out to ask before they left and he said yes they could but by then she realized, she had nothing to hide. Do not blur out our face, we are who we are.
Have I said yet how proud I am of Keepers? I am. They continue to amaze me, how they have grown, how they have stood up for themselves, how they know that any way they are presented to the public, via internet, or newsletter or local tv or in a video on youtube, they are a representative of multiples everywhere. This is what saved them, and they have nothing to be ashamed of.
I know I am not ashamed of them in any way, shape or form, but I sure as heck am proud of them!
happy trails
JM
It is less than two hours until the sotry will be on tv so they are anxiously awaiting it to air. Every indication is that he will handle it respectfully. After he and the cameraman left I asked her if she still wanted her face blurred as he had offered to do so I ran out to ask before they left and he said yes they could but by then she realized, she had nothing to hide. Do not blur out our face, we are who we are.
Have I said yet how proud I am of Keepers? I am. They continue to amaze me, how they have grown, how they have stood up for themselves, how they know that any way they are presented to the public, via internet, or newsletter or local tv or in a video on youtube, they are a representative of multiples everywhere. This is what saved them, and they have nothing to be ashamed of.
I know I am not ashamed of them in any way, shape or form, but I sure as heck am proud of them!
happy trails
JM
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
MeMe Time
I’ve been tagged for a meme by SilveryLizard at Another Room. This is my first one so here goes.
Rules of the “Survivor Needs” Meme:
Please link back to the originating meme at Survivors Can Thrive, so people can see its origins, get ideas for their own self-care list, see who’s already been tagged, and maybe we can track how far this meme goes.
- List 25 needs and 5 wants. Try to restrict your needs list to things that have to do with being a survivor of some sort of abuse, assault, etc. Your list can be anything…you want!
- Use this list to remind yourself to get your needs met in the New Year.
- Pass on this meme and tag five people to play this meme with you.
Needs:
1.) I need to be with Keepers, the babies, littles, smalls, teens, adults, all of them.
2.) I need to be able to provide the support and assistance they need to keep on keeping on.
3.) I need to help them help others
4.) I need our goofy cats, Owen and Max
5.) I need to remember there is only so much I can do and do that to the best of my ability
6.) I need to be a friend to keepers and others I meet along the way
7.) I need down time
8.) I need to focus on the job at hand
9.) I also need to be silly more often instead of so serious
10.) I need my new tv, it is so cool
11.) I need to hear what others are saying
12.) I need to keep the car cleaner
13.) I need to get the oil changed more frequently
14.) I need to control my temper more
15.) I need to respect myself
16.) I need to be happy and focus on the next 5 minutes
17.) I need to feel like Keepers and JM are safe
18.) I need my favorite foods
19.) I need springtime
20.) I need my sleep
21.) I need to curl up with keepers each night in bed as we sleep
22.) I need to remember how awesome God's creatures are and give them love and care and respect, human and animal, all too often the animals more so
23.) I need a good juicy steak and mushrooms every once in a while
23.) I need a nice 7 and 7 every once in a while
24.) I need to get out once in a while for a drive or ride, up the River Road to watch eagles or just look at the river flowing
25.) I need to see and hear funny things to make me laugh
5 WANTS JM HAS
1.) To continue helping Keepers with Keepers Korner but full time
2.) To do that full time I want to win the lottery so a job is not necessary
3.) To buy a cool convertible, for those rides to meet Pastor or up the River Road
4.) To take Keepers to Ireland
5.) To meet more of the people we have met online via Keepers Korner
Now I tag Elvina at A Gift From WithinFriday, February 08, 2008
Kirkwood, MO Another view
As we watched the news last evening regarding the shooting in Kirkwood, MO several things came to the forefront. One was the fact that our son is a county police officer and every time keepers see or hear about a policeman being shot they go into a panic that it could be him. I imagine this is normal whether one is multiple or not, it has to be a fear of any one who knows a police officer, and even more for a mother.
The other thing was that the shootings were about three blocks away from where keepers ex T had his office so they were often in that neighborhood. In fact it was in their mind and mine that it could be him. A man labeled as a sociopath by fellow therapists, a man who had had similar issues with the same zoning commission, a man whose wife filed for divorce, a man who has had his license suspended for 3 years may well have snapped and gone the same route.
As I said in my previous post, there seems to be a lot Kirkwood today in this country of ours, and they all are needless and senseless. The agony they inflict on all involved is so damaging to the human spirit. These are not easy circumstances to overcome, for many they will never be overcome. The questions will linger, the whys will have no answers, the what could I have dones will make no difference, it will be too late. Unless we as a race, as a civilization, and a species, learn to control our anger, our hurt, our rage. I am by no means saying we need to bury our feelings but we do need to find safe and healthy ways to deal with our emotions and those who we are at odds with.
Killing each other is not the answer.
Safe and happy trails
JM
The other thing was that the shootings were about three blocks away from where keepers ex T had his office so they were often in that neighborhood. In fact it was in their mind and mine that it could be him. A man labeled as a sociopath by fellow therapists, a man who had had similar issues with the same zoning commission, a man whose wife filed for divorce, a man who has had his license suspended for 3 years may well have snapped and gone the same route.
As I said in my previous post, there seems to be a lot Kirkwood today in this country of ours, and they all are needless and senseless. The agony they inflict on all involved is so damaging to the human spirit. These are not easy circumstances to overcome, for many they will never be overcome. The questions will linger, the whys will have no answers, the what could I have dones will make no difference, it will be too late. Unless we as a race, as a civilization, and a species, learn to control our anger, our hurt, our rage. I am by no means saying we need to bury our feelings but we do need to find safe and healthy ways to deal with our emotions and those who we are at odds with.
Killing each other is not the answer.
Safe and happy trails
JM
Kirkwood, MO. 2/07/2008
Yesterday evening a way too often scene was reenacted right here in the heart of America. For whatever reason it happened, for whatever reasoning the gentleman was using in his obviously not in control state, his only way to resolve things was to take a gun and to start shooting, to take other lives and force those sworn to protect to take his.
In the end, Charles Lee "Cookie" Thornton lie dead in the Kirkwood City Hall, as did four of his five victims, the fifth was dead on the parking lot, his first victim and from whom he acquired his second gun with which he invaded the city council meeting room and began shooting. Two victims are in the hospital, a reporter whose wound was to the hand and the mayor of Kirkwood who has a gunshot wound to the head and has as of right now still not had surgery, why we do not know.
Keepers and I watched our TV as the local news channels reported on the situation, it began around seven in the evening and the information came in, slowly, some of it spilling over to this morning. On our local channel 5 it was obvious the newslady anchor lived in Kirkwood as she fought back the tears of reporting on this tragedy in her home town, a story that we knew tragically involved people she knew.
This morning as I looked on the computer, and there was another similar story, BATON ROUGE, La. (AP) -- A 23-year-old woman killed two fellow students with a .357 revolver in a classroom at a vocational college Friday, then committed suicide, police said.
These stories have become the norm instead of the unusual. In this great country where we sound our trumpet about our civil liberties and freedoms we can count that one about bearing arms in order protect ourselves and our families, those we love. Yet, that freedom also allows the taking of lives as people take that freedom and in their anger, their sorrow, their inbound demons, they take the lives of others and often themselves.
I know not what set these people off, I do know there have been times I would have loved to taken a baseball bat to some people and beat the you know what out of them for what they did to people I love and care for. But I did not.
I know I would have hated myself if I had, no matter how much it was deserved in my view. It is not up to me to punish anyone in that manner, to impart physical harm whether from my own fists, or my baseball bat or a handgun I could have in my possession to protect my home and those I love.
I have no right from God or my fellow man to take another's life without mine or my loved ones being in danger themselves. But, everyday we see and hear more stories like the two above. Here, where you live, anywhere across this country of ours. In large metropolitan areas, in the suburbs, in the country. It has become way to common, too every day, too "normal".
We shake our heads in disbelief but why I do not know. We should be getting used to this by now,
it happens everyday, over and over and over. Lives are taken indiscriminately. Futures are lost. Parents, children and loved ones are taken away in a second never to be held again. What could have been no longer can be. The expectations and hopes are now buried with the bodies of the victims and yes even the assassins. Anyone who was touched by or associated with the players in these dramas are forever tainted and disillusioned to some degree.
What we do to ourselves is beyond my comprehension. May God have mercy on us.
JM
In the end, Charles Lee "Cookie" Thornton lie dead in the Kirkwood City Hall, as did four of his five victims, the fifth was dead on the parking lot, his first victim and from whom he acquired his second gun with which he invaded the city council meeting room and began shooting. Two victims are in the hospital, a reporter whose wound was to the hand and the mayor of Kirkwood who has a gunshot wound to the head and has as of right now still not had surgery, why we do not know.
Keepers and I watched our TV as the local news channels reported on the situation, it began around seven in the evening and the information came in, slowly, some of it spilling over to this morning. On our local channel 5 it was obvious the newslady anchor lived in Kirkwood as she fought back the tears of reporting on this tragedy in her home town, a story that we knew tragically involved people she knew.
This morning as I looked on the computer, and there was another similar story, BATON ROUGE, La. (AP) -- A 23-year-old woman killed two fellow students with a .357 revolver in a classroom at a vocational college Friday, then committed suicide, police said.
These stories have become the norm instead of the unusual. In this great country where we sound our trumpet about our civil liberties and freedoms we can count that one about bearing arms in order protect ourselves and our families, those we love. Yet, that freedom also allows the taking of lives as people take that freedom and in their anger, their sorrow, their inbound demons, they take the lives of others and often themselves.
I know not what set these people off, I do know there have been times I would have loved to taken a baseball bat to some people and beat the you know what out of them for what they did to people I love and care for. But I did not.
I know I would have hated myself if I had, no matter how much it was deserved in my view. It is not up to me to punish anyone in that manner, to impart physical harm whether from my own fists, or my baseball bat or a handgun I could have in my possession to protect my home and those I love.
I have no right from God or my fellow man to take another's life without mine or my loved ones being in danger themselves. But, everyday we see and hear more stories like the two above. Here, where you live, anywhere across this country of ours. In large metropolitan areas, in the suburbs, in the country. It has become way to common, too every day, too "normal".
We shake our heads in disbelief but why I do not know. We should be getting used to this by now,
it happens everyday, over and over and over. Lives are taken indiscriminately. Futures are lost. Parents, children and loved ones are taken away in a second never to be held again. What could have been no longer can be. The expectations and hopes are now buried with the bodies of the victims and yes even the assassins. Anyone who was touched by or associated with the players in these dramas are forever tainted and disillusioned to some degree.
What we do to ourselves is beyond my comprehension. May God have mercy on us.
JM
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Something is Wrong In the State of Missouri
Keepers have been waiting 7 long years from when they first reported their former therapist to the State Committee of Psychologists for inappropriate and unprofessional behavior. Seven long years of him asking for and receiving at least 3 continuances, then the dispositions, the state investigators asking questions, the former therapist still contacting keepers, trying to talk them out of their suit, then the assistant Attorney General telling them how important it was to see this through, going to the state capital for the hearing which he did not even show up for!! Why you ask? Because his attorneys told him he had no chance of winning, the evidence was overwhelming. Even after the hearing it took another 7 months just to get the formal decision, guilty on 4 counts, then another wait for the discipline hearing in December of this past year and then another 6 weeks of waiting for the final discipline. The Attorney General told us they were asking that he be severely sentenced, and today we received the official sentence, 3 years suspended license and 5 years probation. His suspension is less than half the time keepers waited for this entire process to take.
Then he can go back to seeing patients. No mention of any other limitations, none whatsoever.
What follows is my letter to the Executive Director of the Committee:
Then he can go back to seeing patients. No mention of any other limitations, none whatsoever.
What follows is my letter to the Executive Director of the Committee:
Pamela G
Executive Director
Dear Ms. G
This is to advise you and the State Committee of Psychologists that the 17 years of inept
and devious therapy, which was upheld in testimony of my wife and the expert witness, as well as the 7 years of waiting while Mr. F got continuance after continuance because things were not convenient for him, has in my opinion, not been fairly evaluated in his disciplinary hearing.
can the committee?
Sincerely
John W
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