Posted 8/26/06 on http://www.keeperskorner.com
Triggers and causes of triggers have been a hot topic this week here at Keeperskorner and rightly so, we all have triggers, even us "singletons" or "non-multis" as I have heard us referred to as, and even those of us who have not suffered the traumas that the real survivors have had to endure and grow past and are on that healing journey we so often refer to here also. Man that was long sentence! In shorter words let me say, caution, life is full of triggers.
But...triggers are for individuals for the most part. What triggered T on the CD cover and the CD lyrics has never triggered keepers nor anyone else we know of and believe me we have been asking around. Yet, T's reaction triggered keepers, they began to fall into that very old guilt and we are evil mode, one that was thrown on their shoulders by the abusive family as well as an abusive therapist!
Triggers can be obvious, in fact in my opinion Lifetime cable channel is full of triggers in their selection of movies, you know the female in jeopardy of the day movies. I am not an abuse survivor but I can see how those movies could trigger any number of people.
I've seen keepers get triggered by going down the steps into a basement, more than once, and each time the abreactions began, triggered by the steps and location of the steps. I've seen them get triggered by a tone in a voice or a word. Each survivor has their own set of triggers and it is impossible for the people around them to protect them from every trigger, not without sealing them off in some manner which in many cases would be a trigger in itself as they were sealed off in their abusive situation.
I would like to quote Blue for a few lines here as she makes some very good points, in our opinion:
Keepers Korner is an AWESOME ministry
that has helped a LOT of people. Many more people will be helped if Keepers
Korner continues. The same is true of Morning Vision... I feel terrible
that our CD caused her abreaction... but I cannot shut down Morning Vision
because of it.... just like 4th of July Celebrations cannot all suddenly
cease because it causes some people to have flashbacks of Vietnam... There
will always be people that we cannot help for one reason or another... But
the important thing is that we are helping everyone that we CAN help and we
are willing and available to be used wherever God wants to use us. That is
all we can do. :-)
~ Blue
Great words Blue and thank you for them. We know for a fact we had helped T before the CD incident, she told us so in her emails, just as she had helped us, it was a win win situation for all concerned. We still consider her a dear friend of ours and if she or any of her family or friends do read our blogs we hope she will see that we do care and we have been examining all of the aspects of what happened and we hope as time goes by, she will be able to recognize it also.
Others have written us, asking us not to shut down, not to quit making the music available, not to give in to our guilt. As our readers have so stated, we cannot protect everyone though we try, for all we know there are people who have abreacted over a picture in one of the galleries, or a comment in a blog that hit too close to home for someone.
What it boils down to is that we are determined to continue on this journey, life is full of triggers for keepers and anyone else out there who is on this journey, all we can do is try to minimize them with honest efforts and continue on.
To all of you out there who come by this site and the many others who offer their stories on their sites, please be kind to each other, we all make what turns out to be a mistake even with our best intentions, we can only apologize and continue onward. After all that is our jouney, that is life, full of triggers, little land mines along the way, they can stop us for a while, they can even help us realize an issue that still needs to be dealt with. Triggers are God's way of saying, "You are not over that yet, let's work on it, okay?"
It kind of sucks to know that in the grand scheme of things our sending that CD hurt T; yet on the other hand it not only triggered memories but also triggered reaction, to work it out, to face it finally, to release the anger and hurt and move even further down the road of recovery. In that light it helps to know that the end result is growth for her, emotionally she has wounds that are scabbing over now, able to heal. I guess we are puppets in the hand of the Great One at times, maybe T can understand that now, just as we are beginning to also.
Caution, life itself may be triggering and yet it also may be healing.
Peace, blessings and love to each of you from all of us here at Keeperskorner, may you each heal in you own time at your own pace, but heal and grow and blossom and help those about you do the same.
John and Keepers
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4 comments:
Abbreactions and reactions can cause a whole of of unfolding events, sometimes i wonder if other multiuples/survivors cause abbreactions ijn each otehr because of some commonlaity something we will blog on next blog. But either way you guys are reaching out and i know that partners of survivors are hard to find b eing so open, our certainly isnt.
Occassionally a comment like today we were cutting his hair and he said only one please be out when doing this. It was off the cuff but the words were loud, i know each of you maybe not by name but i do and because i dont mention it dont think i am not aware.
Thanks for being the partner of a multiple stepping out.
Sa'de
Thanks Sa'de
I am proud to be keepers partner from the littles to the teens to the bigs and everyone in between! i have learned a lot from them and they from me. we try to be partners in as many ways as possible. we know we are blessed because this is not a "normal" relationship but it is the one we have chosen to be in forever.
best wishes to you and thank you for your comments on all our blogs!!!
john michael
John,
Thanks first of all for the encouraging comments you leave on my blog.
As for the issue of triggers: I find the whole subject disheartening at times. No one can possibly know what will trigger others. We are all unique individuals. Summertime holds so many triggers for me, but I don't expect everyone around me to pretend they hate this season, just because it's hard for me. When something triggers, it gives me the chance to step back and ask myself, why am I having this strong reaction? Where is that coming from? Perhaps I won't get an answer right then, because my parts are not ready to deal with the memories attached to the trigger. That's ok, at least they know I'm asking, and willing to hear them out.
Everyone at Keepers Korner sounds very giving and concerned for others. You can't bring everything to a standstill because of one individual. Not because that one person isn't important, but because (as someone else already commented) there are so many more to help.
I have ceased putting up trigger warnings on my blog. Everything I post there has the ability to trigger someone. Anyone going to blogs and sites re. DID should be aware of this. I don't mean to sound harsh--I just think that people need to take responsibility for themselves. I couldn't go on any DID sites 3 years ago, it was way too upsetting. When I started browsing them again about six months ago, it was still hard but I could get through an entry or two, before feeling like I needed to step back, not take in too much at once.
Sorry for this long comment! This whole trigger issue hits a nerve!
Hi Beautifuldreamer
so glad you could come by and comment, we treasure the comments of our visitors. Triggers are so darned varied and sometimes so innocent looking. it is a hard subject because for one reason people hate to admit that something so small or insignificant could trigger such feelings. when keepers hurt that person they were devastated, then we waffled back and forth on what to do and then as you said people were like "get over it" there are more of us who want to move on. so we did, try to leave it alone and move forward sad in the fact that we had lost a new friend. As it turns out she is still blogging about it and that pretty much infuriated keepers and me, and I was ready to react, but we reread some of our visitors comments and said "no" no replies, we will leave it and her behind and move forward. so thanks again for listening to me, for visiting us, for visiting the korner and we hope to continue hearing from you when you feel able to respond.
peace and blessings
john and keepers
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