As a singleton I deal with keepers every day. For those of you who do not know, keepers is my SO's system of alters, she is multiple personality gifted or DID in the new terms of the AMA or whoever makes things such as that "official" in the medical profession. Dealing with her alters day in and day out for over 35 years I have seen a lot, heard a lot and in honesty, messed up a lot.
Multiples are abuse survivors. Plain and simple that is why they are multiple, it was their brains way of handling repeated and horrific abuse any kind, be it physical, emotional, mental, sexual or any combination thereof. Some say it doesn't even exist, many universities and colleges, all I can say is boloney! It exists, no doubt about it. Seen it, live with it, watch them struggle with it, triumph over it, get setback and get back up again. Yes it indeed does exist.
So what is my point you ask? My point is when you are addressing a multiple whether in spoken words or written words take the time to think about what you are saying, how you are saying it, the tone you are using because each and every one of these can drastically effect what you are communicating to them. I recently made the mistake of writing a blog that was not well thought out, not edited like I usually do, not carefully written to consider my audience. I got to typing and in my haste and anger at what multiples have been through I used harsh words, words that made people feel like I was putting them down and I wasn't, not intentionally anyway.
I neglected my rules I put forth in the above paragraphs about how to treat people in the right way, the way they deserve to be treated. I tried to say multiples have to accept themselves as good people, that they do not deserve to feel like garbage. That the ways they were treated in their abuse was horrific but that they did not deserve it. But...that was not how it came out.
So please remember to choose your words carefully, remember who you are talking to and what they have been through. Words you use, phrases, tones, can make them feel like they did when the abuse occurred. That is how powerful what you say and how you say it can be. I for one regret ever putting those feelings up front with any multiple. Sadly I have done it more than once, and every time it was because I did not think enough to choose my words carefully or I let my feelings come through in my tone or attitude. Being angry at the abusers when you are trying to get the abused hear you say they are good and need to accept that to heal is not going to work. Your feelings of anger are changing what you are trying to say no matter how slightly and that can spell disaster for the abused.
Stop and think before opening mouth or putting words to paper and / or the screen otherwise you too will be hurting someone who deserves better than that.
Peace and blessings
John Michael
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3 comments:
yes you are right a life time of being abused is hard to believe that someone wont abuse you, we say we are survivors yet we at times show how much a victim we still are, we agree with katie great blog :)
Thanks for your support Katie i really appreciate it. The same of course s/b used when dealing with anyone, to be careful of what and how you say it. but with multiples and other survivors of abuse, people like you, i will always try to be careful, sometimes i forget though so if you read another post of mine and I do it again, bring it to my attention, I may not see it in my words when i post it.
thanks again and God bless
john michael
Hi JIP
I wish my first post had been more along these lines so i would not have hurt you. Yes, survivors are indeed victims, and at times it does abreact over and over again which is the horrific side of multiplicity, the reliving of events within in such realistic manners. Keepers and I will continue to do as much as possible to offer support to other multiples and survivors and to be honest when we are down or in trouble we will gladly accept your support and comfort. We are all on this journey together and hope to continue together.
peace and blessings
john michael "the curry man"
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