A Tree Is...A Wonderful Thing To Climb

Ah yes, just ask our 11 pound cat, Max!! This is Max and Owen's 3rd Christmas and it looks like Christmas #3 and the time leading up to it will have "the boys" spending a lot of time downstairs if we are not around to "supervise" which will be pretty much how they spent the time leading up to Christmas # 2. Christmas #1 they were too little to do any damage and were content to lay under the tree, pull off an occasional bow or just teeth on a package or ribbon.

We put up the tree this past weekend, Keepers and I were in the holiday mood after a wonderful Thanksgiving free of stress for the most part and communicating with some very good friends so we put it up!! Before I got the first strand of lights plugged in to test them there was Max the Climber in the middle of the tree laying across 3 or 4 branches looking at me as though he had squatter's rights and this was the Oklahoma Land Rush. He was staking his claim right there and then!

Being the governor of the living room I ousted him and went about stringing the lights. Oh yeah, both boys were banished to the downstairs as we decorated. After we were done we felt courageous, we were both going to be in the living room so we could keep an eye on them.

That unfortunately is what Max likes...a challenge!! It wasn't more than 30 minutes into this years drama that Keepers went into the kitchen for something, I turned and then I saw the tree doing the hula dance in the middle of our living room!! Down to the floor I went, looking below it's bottom branches...nope, nothing there. Sure enough, he had restaked his claim to the middle of the tree, lights and all! Getting him out this time was complicated by light strands and ornaments and the fact that he didn't give up right away, at all!

During all of this so far, Owen, Mr Big at 15 lbs., and (unbelievably according to the vet not overweight for a cat his size) he had paid zilch amount of attention to the tree so far. Only Max had dared any encroachment here. As I got the water bottle to use as a last resort for future attacks I said out load, "Are you boys going to be good now?" As soon as I said that, as though he understood each word I had just uttered, Owen turned around and slowly walked to the basement door and proceeded to go downstairs. Keepers and I looked at each and laughed, he acted like he understood and knew it wasn't going to happen as we planned so he may as well just go on downstairs and get it over with!

Last night went pretty well, they left the tree alone for the most part. Today they spent most of the day downstairs as I had to go back to work and no matter how many keepers are out of body watching cats, when the one who is out but in the body isn't feeling well, it ain't gonna work. So they didn't come upstairs until after I got home. So far they have been so-o-o-o good it is scary. Max is laying on the couch across from the tree all curled up like a good boy. Owen is in the studio right behind me laying in front of a space heater warming his belly which is one of his favorite past times. It's not even cold so I turned it on low just to appease him somewhat.

Yes when we move back for bed they will be ushered downstairs where they can sleep or chase each other all over the basement, which isn't very different from their usual nigh time routine, the door will just be closed and blocked so they cannot get upstairs in the middle of the night, it is a sliding door and they can open it if not blocked.

It is a warm night here so I just opened the back door so they can look outside, also a favorite thing to do. In anticipation of this coming up, last weekend we bought two little mouse toys with catnip for them to play with. They were only 94 cents each so no big loss if they turned their noses up again as they always have in the past, and sure enough they did again. These two cats are straight and narrow when it come to catnip they always Just Say NO!! In the world of cats they have to be the Jack Lalaines of the cat world or the narcs of the cat world, I'm not sure which.

All we know is that they are so enjoyable, so funny and we are so glad to have them. For them we are truly thankful, even when the battle of wills comes into season.

peace and blessings

John Michael

One of the Best In a Long Time

One of the best what you ask? Why... Thanksgiving, that is what! Keepers (my wife) and I had the entire day to ourselves, no one else to impose on us their ideas, their bigotry, their greed, their egos, their snobbery, their insensitivity. My what a refreshing day it was!

We manned the telephone (we have a toll free number for US and Canadian residents) 24 hours from midnight to midnight, because we know the holidays can be terrifying and disasters waiting to happen for many. Then on Thanksgiving morning we made the stuffing, stuffed the turkey and waited for it to cook. In between there we did some work in the studio, keepers painting and me working on federal forms to apply for non-profit status with the IRS.

Around 3 or 4 we ate some delicious turkey and dressing with some trimmings. I must admit that we are stuffing swipers! After the turkey has been in the oven for 2-3 hours we begin to invade the carcass and put spoonfuls of dressing in a bowl, use the baster to suck up some juices and juice up the stuffing, then feast on that! We probably do that 3 or 4 times before the turkey is done!! A couple of hours after our dinner we had some turkey sandwiches, ooops, it was really about 4 hours because I fell asleep on the living room floor while Christmas Carol played in the DVD player.

As we began to head for bed later, at a relatively reasonable time, one of our internet friends IM'd keepers so they were up for a while IM'ing. Eventually we made it to bed, collapsing and conking out really quickly. But it was a great day, no family members with their bs, no unwanted visitors, no stress, no mess. We can only hope your holiday was as good for you as it was for us.

Peace and blessings

John Michael and Keepers

Happy Thanksgiving

To all of our friends out there in cyberspace we want to wish you a blessed Thanksgiving, one of reflection on what we all have, hope to have, what we have survived, what we intend to do.

To some of you this will bring bad memories and feelings, to others it will be joyous as you spend time with those you care for while for others it may be joyous because of who is not around you! We all have our own outlook and perspective in times like this, as well as any time for that matter, but holidays do seem to bring out the extremes we feel.

Keepers and I will spend our Turkey Day in the studio, keepers working on a picture while I work on the computer, as our turkey cooks. We will "test" the stuffing often, love that stuff, no pun intended. After we eat we will probably curl up and watch some holiday movies, The Bishops Wife or Christmas Carol and who knows maybe even take a nap if we so desire.

Anyone who needs a friendly voice who may be feeling alone or down or if they just want to say hi, feel free to call us on the 1-888-752-9070 toll free phone line for any US residents. We will also have a bouquet of rose stems on our table, to remind us of the difficult times we have made it through, the times we survived, which we are so thankful for.

To each of you we can only hope you have the day you want with the people you want, be it a houseful of family or friends or a few close friends or a day like any other day, no different, not special, just another day.

Whatever it is for each of you, may it be as you wish.

Peace, blessings and many hugs

john and Keepers

Problems

This is going to be short, our pc is down at home so we cannot blog, cannot IM, cannot do anything computer related. We can't even get our email. Our pc is enroute right now to a repair person. We may be back up by this coming weekend. Keep your fingers crossed!!!!

To all of our friends out there, peace and blessings and we hope to be back in the internet saddle soon!!

john michael

Halloween Hauntings

Since it is almost Halloween I thought maybe i would write about keepers and my ghostly experiences, whether they were real apparitions or excited imaginations or something else, something as yet unexplained, we do not nor will we ever know.

My first such experience was when my grandfather passed away, my dad's dad. He was a young man, only about 52 if I remember correctly. I was only about 8-10 years old. My grandpa was not a well educated man but he was smart. He was crude and many of the daughters in law were not very appreciative of his humor. Anyway, at the funeral the sons were sitting at the ends of the aisles and one of my uncles kind of lost it and my dad took him out back to get himself together and another uncle asked me to move to where the uncle had been sitting, why I have no idea. As I sat there i could clearly see the open casket, imagine my surprise when just like in the movies the spirit raises up out of the body~!!! sitting up, there is my grandpa looking all around the church. He seemed to take pleasure in the daughters in law who scorned him yet now were sobbing like crazy. As he looked around I just sat there not scared at all, watching him check it all out. I think he looked at me, kindly, and then he laid back down in his body. That was my first experience of that sort.

The next time was in college, my roommate and I were in our room on a Sunday night I believe and it was warm for that time of night. We were living off campus in a one room apartment with a common bathroom for the other three rooms of guys up there, all college students. It was supposed to be a three man room but it was just the two of us and I had the bunk bed while my roommate has a single bed. That night I was laying on my lower bunk reading a book and to my right was what we called a butterfly chair, a canvas chair that went over a metal frame. Well i rolled over to change positions and I saw a man sitting there in that chair not five feet away from me! I called my room mate whom i could see on his bed facing the wall, he said what and I asked him to look over here. Slowly he rolled over and he stared in my general direction. "What do you see?" I asked. "There's a guy sitting in the yellow chair...he's got a plaid shirt on...blue jeans and boots" """What about his face?" I asked. "I can't see it...just a shadow where his head ought to be", he replied. "Why?, What do you see ?" he asked. " I see the same thing, " I said. We both freaked out and he was gone! My roommate came over as we both stared at the chair, afraid to get too close to it. That night I moved to the top bunk and my rommie slept in the bottom bunk and we both had blankets pulled up to our chings. Two 19 year old guys scared, really scared. We rented that aprtment from the guy who owned the clothing store a few doors away. When we paid our next months rent we asked if anything odd or "creepy" happened up there in any of the aprtments. He said her heard a student from back in the 50's, a Korean war vet had hung himself in one of the rooms, but he didn't know which room. Our unexpected guest? Who knows.

Last but not least was in our first apartment after I got out of the navy. Our son was still in a crib but we knew it would be soon for him to have a bed as he was getting old enough. Well, on christmas Eve we were waiting for keepers brothers to show up, maybe we would go to Midnight mass, we weren't sure yet. We were on the couch watching tv and we both looked over at the junction of the two bedrooms and the kitchen and there was a little figure. Our first reaction was how did he get out of his crib? Oh no! he's climbed out!! Our life will change once again, our first child is roaming about! We got up to put him back in bed and he disappeared! We hurried to his room, turned on a light and there he slept, soundly, he hadn't been up after all. But if he hadn't been awake who or what did we see? Being Christmas we decided it was a little guardian angel and never looked back.

So there is our rendevouzs with ghosts, spirits, etc, except for the Ouija board experiences which I may or may not ever talk about again. How about you, any good scarey, creepy stories you can share? I know Halloween is a very scarey time for some survivors and I hope i haven't dredged up memories for them or they simply decided not to read this blog. To all of our visitors, peace and blessings

john michael

2006 World Champions

The 2006 St Louis Cardinals, World Series Winner!! Who da thunk it? A team that managed to almost blow an entire season and on the very last day of the season managed to eak out first place in their division. That means they won more games than anyone else in their division which in turn means, they get a shot at the title.
A great team? It all depends on how you look at them. In 2004 the St Louis Cardinals won 100+ games including post season and were swept 4 games to none in the world series. this year was a different story, they managed to get most of the regular lineup together, they pulled together and as a team, they won, by scraping together, by relying on each other, by rooting for the guy in the lineup that day, by doing anything necessary to win. And they did. Everyone gave them nothing but grief just for making the playoffs, and as each round ended, with them advancing the critics poopoohed their chances of getting any further. All the way up to the end, Detroit will kill them! This team doesn't deserve to be here, to still be playing, how crass of them to even pretend they belong. They do not deserve to play with the good teams. Last night they won the world series! A team with a good many castoffs from other teams had done the impossible. They had beaten three teams in the post season, three better teams, supposedly, and at the end of the evening the trophy was theirs. To cherish, to savor, to handle with kid gloves. To tell thier kids and grandkids about years from now. They are winners from their hearts to their abilities to their guts and fortitude. They are worthy of the title World Champions, they earned it the last 3 weeks. Can anyone else make the same statement?

When I see what keepers and other survivors have done, to survive years of abuse, to keep on going, to try to understand their past and why and what they are, I can easily see that they too are champions, life champions that so many, mostly their abusers, say they do not deserve. Why not? Because they survived? Because they are not worthy? Because they are not normal? Those like keepers, multiples, like that team of 25 seperate players, pull their alters, their players together, over many long years of remembrances and tortures, and come out the winners. And they are criticized for not being elite, for not being the epitomy of the great teams, for not being like the rest. No credit is given for what they achieved. Some of their biggest detractors and critics have accomplished nothing near what they have. Nor have they tried. Unlike keepers and other multiples and survivors, the critics demean their success while failing in their own games. Like the Detroit Tigers they make errors, they miss chances, some of them even have the question of their having cheated come up. They criticize the less than great team while praising their own false ideals and abilities, not realizing they were the overachievers all the time, they were the ones destined to fall, while the team of castoffs, of borderline abilities, was destined to achieve immortality.

To the St Louis Cardinals of 2006, my gratitude and thanks for a post season to remember, capped by the championship.

To the survivors I live with every day and those I know from the emails, or visiting their sites and their visits to ours, my gratitude for the lessons you teach me, my thanks for not giving up and my respect for pulling together in so many ways, and being the champions each of you are.

john michael

What Would You Do?

Ever fantasize about winning the lottery? Powerball? Magamillions? Whatever? Ever wonder what you would do if suddenly you had more money than you ever imagined? I do especially, I don't think Keepers think about it as much as I do, maybe they do and I don't know it, but there are times where I map it all out, what I would do, almost step by step so that when it happens I will be ready.

Money has been tight for so long that I would claim it right away, no getting a lawyer or tax adviser, I want twhatever the government leaves us because it would be more than enough for what we want.

Number One would be for me to quit working so I could devote my time to Keepers Korner and help keepers do even more with it.

Number Two would be to pay off every debt we have now and make repairs to our car.

Number three would be to set aside money to pay our bills and all expenses until the next annual check comes in, i.e. 1 years worth.

Number four take keepers and find a new house to be our home for the rest of our lives, with a big studio for their artwork and plenty of closets for clothes for many keepers. It would be near water, in our view, could be a river or a lake or an ocean.

Number Five would be to offer to all of our visitors even more things survivors could use and benefit from, like the toll free number for overseas friends so they could call us, or prescription assistance for friends who are having money issues so they would never be without their meds, or assistance for therapy when necessary or art supplies, there are so many ways we could help if we had the means.

Number six would be to meet as many usa friends as possible, requiring less travel but only if they want to meet, otherwise it would all be via phone or as it is now.

If possible I would like to take keepers to two places, to England to meet some of our friends who live over there, to australia to meet some who live there and then to ireland so keepers could visit their ancestral home.

That would be our dream come true, to be able to do those things, to be able to finish up our lives helping and assisting as many survivors as we could.

What about you? Let us know what your dreams are if you won. After all it's just a fantasy! Isn't it?

Peace and blessings to all of our friends out there

john michael and keepers

Blogs We Do Not Understand - Reposted

We were notified by email today of approximately 30 blog sites on Blogspot that are pro pedophile sites. We have already agreed to flag these sites so Blogspot is aware of these sites and can review them. You can tell Blogspot what you think of this material here:
http://help.blogger.com/?page=help

And at this e-mail address:
support@blogger.com

I read parts of some of these sites and some are pure garbage and some are their rationale for their feelings, with "scientific" details to support their views and survey findings to also support their cockeyed attitudes. No matter to me, sexual loving of a child is wrong no matter what. A child is a child and must be protected and treated as such. No matter how many believe it is okay that doesn't make it right.

They can hide behind this romance and pure love BS but that is all it is, BS. A child who is used this way grows up in a sick concept of love and when they are adults cannot love as adults. It also robs them of their childhood, which is to be innocent and joyous, not a sexual toy for someones perverted desires and views of love.

When someone advocates loving children, in their sense of the word love, to me it means they cannot love as adults in an adult relationship, so they choose via their attraction to "fall in love" with children, whom they can easily sway with their lies, with their attention, building relationships they can control with their deceit. control. A very big issue for these people. Lies. How they enable their power over children.

Enough. I could go on forever on this subject but my purpose here is to bring these sites to your attention, so you our readers can know that they exist. If you wish, file a comment with
Blogspot or send an email with your thoughts as we have. Providing a support site for abuse survivors would be a lie if we knowingly disregarded sites like this.

Please do the right thing and ask others in your support system to report sites such as this also. The sites listed below are by pedophiles and visiting them by survivors is probably NOT a good idea, but if you could have someone you trust look at them so you are confident in the fact that you are reporting pedophilic sites that would be good. As pedophiles they are predators and must be recognized as such. i.e. they are dangerous to you and your children and any other children!

http://mojoe-.blogspot.com/
http://theboyloveblog.blogspot.com/
http://lgimh.blogspot.com/ (NO FLAG FEATURE)
http://theministryofboylove.blogspot.com/
http://viamund.blogspot.com/
http://ilgo.blogspot.com/
http://liberalleftistlunatic.blogspot.com/
http://rookiee.blogspot.com/
http://tnhn.blogspot.com/
http://thepuerist.blogspot.com/
http://realmschaotic.blogspot.com/
http://inselfdefense.blogspot.com/
http://refusing-to-be-silent.blogspot.com/
http://idiocymuseum.blogspot.com/
http://mysilentwar.blogspot.com/
http://debatecrime.blogspot.com/ (NO FLAG FEATURE)
http://gloriousgirls.blogspot.com/
http://nonce-and-forever.blogspot.com/
http://boyloveroll.blogspot.com/2006/08/disclaimer.html
http://waterchia.blogspot.com/2006/0...-chia-pet.html
http://absolutelynothingunified.blogspot.com/
http://love2uall-misunderstandings.blogspot.com/
http://camaa.blogspot.com/
http://themadalchemistsnook.blogspot.com/
http://informed101.blogspot.com/
http://daddysabreeder.blogspot.com/
http://www.foreversanti.blogspot.com/ (NO FLAG FEATURE, AND IT'S IN SPANISH)
http://themonsterinthecloset.blogspot.com/
http://virtual-diversity.blogspot.com/ (NO FLAG FEATURE)
http://propedo.blogspot.com/
http://alanthepedo.blogspot.com/
http://dark-freedom.blogspot.com/
http://artlesstruth.blogspot.com/
http://boystorynifty.blogspot.com/
http://pedologues.blogspot.com/

Please take care, each of you, protect yourself and those you love and those who could fall prey to these "people"

Peace, blessings and love to all of you

John and Keepers

Why?

For the last six weeks keepers have been babysitting our granddaughters at their house while our daughter was in an out patient program, this was three days a week. So those three days I would drop keepers off on my way to work then visit them and the girls at lunch time and then pick keepers up on my way home. We truly enjoyed being with the granddaughters so much, because before this we saw them seldom even though we live close.

The in laws get all the prime times with them especially holidays and special days. This isn't about them so i will just leave them there. Preceding these 6 weeks of assisting them keepers had discussions with our daughter about our son and his family, our daughter claimed to be seeing very little of him and his family. We have seen him hardly at all for a myriad of reasons. The most important of which is that since keepers are abuse survivors they are very sensitive to it. Our son as a teenager was asked to watch our neighbors house, feed the dog, cut the grass, etc. After they came back home we were presented with him having gotten into their teenage daughters underwear drawer. As Keepers were in therapy then we asked another therapist in that office to see him and help him.

When our oldest daughter was married in another state we all went there for the wedding, a lot of people were staying at their home those several days. After the wedding we were told that one of the couples that left to spend the last nights in a motel did so because our son was fondling her feet in the middle of the night, uninvited!

His step daughter is now a teen but has for years stuttered and acted rather oddly. We have our suspicions as to what may be going on. We were approached by the pastor who married our daughter if this young girl had any particular problems we knew of, because she seemed to be troubled to her. Another possible sign. Granted, her real father, supposedly is or was an alcoholic, her mother is a gem also, our son's wife, so the possibility exist that this child has been abused in one form or another by several people.

Now our daughters two daughters, the two keepers were babysitting for...keepers and I fear for their safety. Our daughter informed us today that our son and his family are a major part of their life, will always be invited to holidays and special days so he can be a part of the festivities.
After all we had told her, after her possibly being abused by keepers family also, after knowing that her older sister was not comfortabel around big brother, she still wants him to be a part of their life with their daughters! She says she is watching him and so is her husband, but she also lied about their relationship with him.

We told this son he needed help, he responded angrily and how he had never molested anyone (being a cop he is so well versed on his legalese) and how if we didn't leave him alone we would be sorry. We told him if we ever hear of anything inappropriate by him we will go to the authorities and at least fill in the background and let them go from there. So we are having a standoff with him at this point in time.

Keepers are devastated that the daughter would seemingly ignore their daughter's safety by letting him be around them. That she could look at his step daughter and not see probelms there. Said daughter worked in several hospitals and dealt with many abused girls and young women, she knows the effects, and yet she accepts him into her life so freely!

In several weeks we have an appointment with an attorney from the Attorney General's office because Keepers reported a former therapist to the State Licensing Board of Review, he is being charged on five counts and may lose his license. Perhaps then is when we need to speak up about this family, our son, his wife and let the authorities take it from there.

The cycle has to stop.

peace and blessings

john

Sick Therapists

Four years ago Keepers reported one of their former therapists to the State Licensing Board with the assistance of their then therapist. Like I said, that was four years ago. This Nov 28 the hearing will finally happen. There are 5 charges against him stemming from how he treated Keepers. We do not know what they are but the list is not complete. Keepers didn't even bring up some things that happened.

Ever since he was notified by the state he has tried to get keepers to change their mind, and he did get through to some and convinced them to rescind their complaint. Luckily the state said sorry but we have filed the charges after our investigation so we are going forward. Then for a long time we heard nothing. Then he starting calling me and sending me emails at work. I kept a log of his phone calls and saved the emails and forwarded all of that to the state. Then nothing again. Last Friday, how weird, it was Friday the 13th, he sent us a regular letter thru the mail and now he wants Keepers to assist him in standing up to the State and the "experts" because he knows how to treat multiples therapeutically!! But he needs their help and help of all multiples to beat the system!

We do not know if this is his next step in trying to confuse Keepers or if his cheese has slid off his cracker. I called the State Board and the local attorney for the Attorney Generals's office who is handling this and faxed and emailed a copy of his letter. The attornei I spoke with locally is also confused by his actions. The last time I spoke with her, back in July she said there was negotiations going on, maybe he would accept 2 charges if 3 were dropped, things of that sort, but today I was told he has cut off negotiations. He wants his hearing. No one knows what he is doing. Keepers are very confused because other therapists have labelled him a sociopath so not only are they confused but scared of him.

My whole point here is something I hae felt for a long time and several therapists somewhat agree with me, most people who get into the career of therapy have their own problems, most to a degree that does not prohibit their becoming a good therapist (I tend to not agree with this comment) but some (most) are just as messed up if not more than their patients. Like some who become clergy and use it to hide their perversions many therapists are also looking for victims who they can easily maneuver. There are few more vulnerable than multiple who were abused severely, their littles can be tricked just as they were many years ago. It takes a sick you know what to do it in the first place but it takes an even sicker person to capitalize on those suffering victims and revictimize them for their perverted pleasures.

To all and any of you out there who are seeking therapists for multiplicity and sexual abuse be very careful of your therapist. Be watchful for clues of misguided actions and ideas that you question somewhat. Your sense of something is not right should be listened to and heeded very strongly. Your initial or first impression should be listened to. It is your therapist, ask as many questions of them and other patients as possible. Try to check with the local governing body who licenses them and see if there are any complaints. Never ever stop listening to your inner selves if they are trying to warn you, there has to a reason they are setting off alarms!

What follows is an article I wrote for Many Voices, it has a checklist of sorts and maybe now is a time to bring it out of the mothballs so new visitors can read it...

Bad Therapy Warning Signs

By John W.

---

My wife, whose system is known as The Keepers, is recovering from DID. We have only been subscribing to Many Voices since December. We were wondering if there have been articles about abuse by therapists, or warning signs of an "evil therapist". By "evil" I mean anyone who derives their pleasures from tormenting someone who is so vulnerable.

We recently learned that her previous therapist was not what he claimed to be. The Keepers were advised by their new (legitimate) therapist that he should be reported to the state ethics board. With great trepidation, they did. Where this is going from here, we do not know, but Keepers are finding it extremely difficult to stay in therapy after being mistreated and betrayed by not one but two therapists in the last twenty years.

We would like to bring attention to warning signs for DID person and their loved ones to look out for:

• Beware of therapists who cannot prove their degree of certification or misrepresent themselves. If you are considering a therapist check them out as best you can.
• Beware of therapists who lead you to believe that they also have multiples like you do. It is one thing to be in touch with your inner self, but to say your little ones understand or your motherly side can comfort them, is all bull.
• Beware of therapists who will not read the latest articles or go to seminars because they think it is bologna or they know more already, or they don't respect psychologists and /or psychiatrists. Honest to God, this is what this one therapist said to us!
• Beware of therapists who say they will talk with another of your doctors, be it MD or another therapist and then do not follow through.
• Beware of therapists who say no one else can understand you like they do, because of their experience with you or because they have "connected" with you, for whatever reason.
• Beware of therapists who will not sign their name or position/title. This one used a "nickname". Never once did we ever receive anything in writing from him in his own name with his title or position.
• Beware of any therapist who promotes, allows, or encourages any sort of sexual interfacing between them and you, for whatever reason. It is never appropriate and is only for their benefit, not yours.
• Keep a diary of your therapy or have a loved one do it or perhaps both of you, especially if there appears to be anything unusual. No matter how many perspectives this results in, it is and will be beneficial.
• Beware of therapists who constantly complain about how much they are going through, how they are taking abuse from you, how you treat them badly.
• Beware of therapists who tell you they are the only one who can nurture you, who knows how to treat you best.

So, please be careful, heed warnings from yourself or others, be sure your therapist is what they say they are, and not another abuser searching for a way in.

Peace, blessings and love

john michael

Outcast

"Outcast" is one of the pictures done by Keepers, in this case by Beth. It will be in the Trauma Gallery later this month on their site, Keeperskorner. When I see this I think it is one of the pictures that presents the utter loneliness keepers have felt in their lives. I am sure it is a common conception for other survivors and multiples. Seeing that little girl sitting outside the castle, alone in the darkness of the night. There is no drawbridge or other means of getting back in, visible in the picture. She is alone, she is an outcast, and yet she is safer outside the castle than inside the castle. There are no threats to her as she sits in the moonlight. All of the dangers are inside the castle.

Others may see a little girl, alone in a make believe world of castles and dungeons, while others may see symbolism that to them says she is shutting the world out to protect herself. Maybe she is waiting for her knight in shining armor to rescue her, or maybe she just snuck out of a side door to get away from the craziness inside. We can all imagine based on our own preconceptions and past experiences what is being said via the painted canvas.

That is the beauty of art, especially art like this, we can read into it what we see, what we wish we saw, what we are afraid to see. We each can see something different. Some may look at it literally while others look for symbols. Some look at it and say "oh, I know exactly what the artist is saying" while others may ask "what in the world?"

What I can probably guarantee is that what you or me or someone else sees is not what Beth was painting. That is the beauty of it. Over the next several weeks I will present other art of keepers and see what you see, if you care to comment. So feel free to see what you see and tell us what you see. Did it touch you in any way? Did it bother you in any way? Sometimes I will let you know what the artist was presenting but usually not, they prefer that we each see what we see for ourselves, so we can get out of it what we feel with no influence in one way or another.

To all of our friends out there and the casual visitor remember the galleries at Keeperskorner are yours to visit for art and poetry.

Peace and blessings


john michael

Rebuttal

Well I got my first "angry" reply to one of my blogs, to read it and my reply go to the blog titled "Blogs We don't Understand".

The reply is from one of the pro pedophile sites that I blogged about.

I just wanted to make people aware of it so they can read it and examine his reply and mine to him.

Peace and blessings to all of you

john michael

Writer's Block

I had something I was going to write but I lost it, suddenly it was gone. Tried to jog my memory so I read keepers blog and then I read Beautiful Dreamer's blog, then I was p***** off because of what they both wrote about.

Keepers wrote about family members who are perpetuating the ways of the uncles and parents and grandmothers and brothers who are still carrying on the family ways of hurting children. Some are gone now but others are 2nd and third generation who are carrying it on. Some have not gone that far quite yet but we are afraid they will. We have made it very clear to them that we will report them if we find out they have done anything to any children.

Beautiful Dreamer wrote about feeling as though she was not worthy of any pleasure or anything pleasant and I cannot remember how often I heard keepers admit that which made me realize again, that abuse survivors are more similar than dissimilar. The feeling, the memories they have are so similar, so common that once you know one abuse survivor and some of their feelings, you know at least a good portion of other survivors feelings. All? No! But enough to know what and how they feel.

To be honest it disgusts me that their perpetrators were able to do what they did. Likewise their children are doing the same to others now and why oh why do the other family members sit by and say nothing? Do nothing? Even after it is verified by others in the family people will still do nothing!! I do not get it.

We have a family member very close to us we fear is a predator, we cannot prove he has hurt anyone yet though we do know he has crossed lines and boundaries not with a child but that makes no difference. Crossing a line and touching anyone against their will is wrong! That is all there is to it. To make matters worse and even more difficult is he is a policeman, and let's face it, he now has built in protection. Cops will protect cops, it's that simple. Especially when they are your father in law and brother in law.

So keepers and I try to warn people, try to get through to people all to no avail. We warn family members with little children and they say they will watch it but they still spend time with these people, we warn others and they say oh no we can't report him, it will hurt so and so's feelings!!!
Hurt so and so's feelings????? What about the step brother he s********?

I do not get it !!! This type of stuff just infuriates me, makes my blood boil but to what purpose?
Maybe to keep on doing what we are trying to do at Keepers Korner, to give survivors of abuse a place to go, to find out they are not alone, to find others who can identify with them and understand them. To offer resources, information, and general support. As each month goes by I see, keepers see, more and more people who have been abused, who are trying to survive. We get emails from them, messages via yahoo 360 or this blog, and we know the numbers are staggering. Even more staggering is the number of deviants who are hurting the children of our world. And they are not alone, they have brothers and sisters who enjoy abusing others, other children, other adults, other men other women and somehow, someway it has to stop.

We all need to pull together and do all we can to stop those who prowl looking for their next victim. Their next victim could be your son or daughter or niece or nephew. Maybe then you will help? But, it may well be too late by then. It's your decision. You can be part of the silent majority and do nothing, or you can be a part of the solution, and do something, anything that is helpful to past victims or helps prevent someone from becoming the next victim.

Peace and blessings

john michael and keepers

Government Forms

Filling out government forms...this is not a fun thing. All we wanted to do was file for being a charitable organization so we can get a tax exempt form so we don't have to pay sales tax for things we buy to send to people for free! And, if someday someone wants to make a donation to Keepers Korner we have the 501(c)(3) classification so their donation is a tax deduction.

That is all we wanted to accomplish. So far we have had to register Keepers Korner as a fictitious name in our home state, then to file the state exemption we have to get the same on a federal level. But, before that we had to get an Employer Identification Number, even if we don't have any employees! Go figure! So, then I called the IRS about three or four different times, asking questions and getting different answers, another big surprise, eh? We are now trying to fill out the 1023 form for federal exemption and classification as a charity. The form is 28 pages long!!

To file, it is either going to cost $300 or $750. That doesn't mean you will get the charity classification either!! The two different prices are based on donations incoming, and since ours is el zilcho we get the lower of the two. What a break eh?

Oh yeah, it takes a while for them to get back to you also. But that doesn't mean we don't have to file other paperwork, oh no!! At year end we have to file a form 1065 and write that we have applied for the 501(c)(3) and they will "take it from there". You want to kill some time on the internet, go out and read the government sites, for your state and federal, woof, talk about some exciting and clear to read sites!!!

Oh well, if nothing else this should make filing our taxes look really easy!! Have a good weekend and take care everybody.

Peace and blessings to all of you,


John and Keepers

Break Out the Fall Menu

The air is getting cooler, even though our weathermen were predicitng a warmer than usual end of September for us, it hasn't happened! We went to Six Flags yesterday and had to avoid the water rides as it was too cold to get wet. But the cooler weather does provide the necessary change for Keepers and me to begin changing our supper menu from the summer fare to fall and winter fare.

First on my list is chili, can't wait to make some for supper and then follow it up as chili dogs another night. My chili is never the same tasting from one time to the next as I vary some of the ingredients depending on what sounds good to me. I say this because the older keepers do not eat chili very often but seven year Terrence loves chili and 4 year old Emily Ann loves chili dogs, so I do have some company on this. The basic chili I make is ground beef, onions, chili hot beans and tomato sauce, salt, pepper and chil powder and a wee bit of garlic powder. From there it may receive rotel hot peppers or salsa or green peppers. The biggest mistake I ever made was adding one TEASPOON of Scorned Woman Hot Sauce, no one could eat it without a glass of something after every bite. Way too potent to enjoy, never did that again!

For Keepers, their first choice is homemade Irish stew from their grandmother from Ireland's recipe and homemade chicken noodle soup from I don't know who! Personally I like 'em both and weather like this makes them move to the front of the menu list for us. Sometimes she serves the stew over rice with some rolls or biscuits on the side to sop up some of the gravy.

Also on our list of fall foods is spaghetti and meat sauce and lasagna. We use the same sauce for both, we start with Chef Boy ar Dee meat sauce, then add browned beef, onions, mushrooms, tomato sauce, salt, pepper, garlic, oregano and sweet basil. If making lasagna we also add grated mozzarrella and ricotta to each layer. Getting hungry just writing about such things!!

Meat loaf and mashed potatoes is a fall favorite of ours also, our meat loaf is ground beef, or round or sirloin, whatever is on sale. I add that because lots of times around here the ground, sirloin or round is cheaper than the ground beef at one of our local grocery stores, have no idea why. Anyway, to the beef we add 2 raw eggs, salt, pepper, garlic powder, one package of onion soup mix, one small onion and sprinkle in some instant mashed potatoes to hold it all togehter.

We call this one beef ala, it's a conglomeration of sirloin or tip steak cut up then added to browned green peppers and onion and canned or fresh mushrooms, do not cook all the way though. In another pan add two bottles of heinz savory beef gravy, add one bottle water add the beef, onions, green peppers mix and one can of oriental vegetables. let it all simmer while you cook some rice. serve the beef ala over the rice.

Well that's it for now, hope we made someone hungry and maybe gave them an idea for a meal coming up. If we did let us know how it turned out. We really hope it is good if you use any of them.

Peace, blessings and hearty meals to each of you

john michael

When Others Hurt

When others hurt, what can we do? So often as keepers and I read other multiples and other survivors blogs and websites it is very often right out front as to the pain and hurt they are going through. Everyone leaves their comments, most trying to be supportive but there is so little we can really do to offer help.

Knowing that can be frustrating, it can hurt on this side, wanting to help ease someones pain, someones hurt. It often happens here, as I see keepers in pain, feelings hurt, tears welling, and yet there is really nothing I can do except be supportive, as we are trying to do via Keeperskorner, to be supportive. We get emails or comments that say thank you for your support and then we read on a blog how they are going to the hospital for depression and don't know when they will be back. Yes, it hurts to know we could help for a while but in the end it was not enough.

So, then you begin to wonder, are we doing any good? Are we really helping other multiples and survivors in any way? Or are we centering on those in deeper trouble than the others who are still on that road to recovery without the sidetrip to the hospital? Are we forgetting what we can do is limited, that the only ears who will hear us or those who read our words and know we are genuine. We read where those we care for, even though we have never met them, are considering stepping in front of a train to end it all!! What can we do? Should we expect to do something to help them? Is our support all we can give and can we give it in a better form?? We do not know.

We read where others want to help multiples and survivors, just as we do, and we wonder are they ready for the self doubt, the self questioning? The not knowing if we are really helping anyone out there. There are times when we really do feel we are helping, making a small but earnest difference in someones life and then in one glance at a blog or its comments we get so waylaid that we wonder if we ever really helped at all?

Maybe it is human nature, maybe it is that old fear of not being worthy to help much less do anything else right. We all have self doubts, but I can honestly say that multiples and abuse survivors have some of the lowest self esteem I have ever seen and I understand why. I also have seen it be growing steadily in some and in one fell swoop they are knocked for a loop so to speak, and back to "why bother".

What i forget I think is that I see Keepers as "recovered" in some ways and I forget that they still have many keepers inside who are not all at the same point on their individual road to recovery even though many I interact with are far enough along to offer this website of theirs as a support center for others, the way some people react or do not react can hurt them still. Keepers are very strong, very determined to help others on this path to recovery, to become thrivers as Marj says, but they can be hurt very easily and understandably.

So when I see others hurt and I see keepers hurt, I often wonder what more can I do, should I do? Is support all I can offer? Should there be more? Can i give something to help make it all easier to bear? All of us who are friends, spouses, significant others to multiples and abuse survivors need to make every effort to be all we can for our loved ones. They need us and we need them, we want them to succeed at thriving as much as they do.

I just got my answer, I went back and asked what was wrong, what can I do? They said "leave it be, we're not mad or angry at you, just leave it be!"

peace and blessings to each of you in your journey

john michael

Too Much Similarity

Too Much Similarity

As I learned what terrible abuses my wife endured in her life before we came together, especially as a child, I was shocked to think that people could do such things to their own children, their own niece, their own granddaughter. Now, as we try to make Keeperskorner
a site for survivors to come to and get support and information and links to other resources and we hear their stories it becomes very apparent that what I thought was so unusual appears to be way to normal.

Tonight alone I read 3 blogs by 3 different survivors and each one had very similar incidents, perpetrators as keepers did. I always knew abuse was usually at the hands of family members and that sadly, in keepers family the was collusion among family members to promote this behavior but now i am reading in others blogs how they were abused by multiple relatives!!!

How can parents mutually abuse their children? How can they turn them over to other adults in the family for the same type of abuse? Are these people simply devils posing as humans? Are they the sickest people to live? Were they so abused they now have to pass it on?? Are they so putrid as humans they have to control children to feel some sort of power and control?

When you consider in your musings is there good and evil, is there a god and a devil, is there a battle to be fought between the forces of what is right for the good of mankind and what is right for the good of me and you are aware of bs like this happening in our world everyday, you have to know which side you are on and say so. We have to stop this somehow, someway. Because it just escalates into abuse of others, not just children, but of sisters and wives and mothers nad strangers because the perps care about no one but themselves.

Yes, I know abuse happens to males also, and I was not avoiding that, but I also know that as a society that is often overlooked. But then the priests abusing the altar boys and such began getting publicity and now the entire world knows more about abuse than maybe ever before and yet I see no large outcries for it to stop. I still see people donating to their churches, I still Amish people being "left alone" by outsiders to deal with their own problems, just like the Jews of New York City who also claim to have a serious abuse problem but you see one or two articles and then nothing more.

When is mankind going to stop burying it's head in the sand and deal with these problems?? When are people going to speak out and be heard? We need more celebrities and "known" people to admit if they were abused, raped, etc to draw attention to the problems because in this world if you aren't somebody, no one else cares, except for others who endured the same, and so far, it is not enough to make drastic changes in how perpetrators are dealt with.

To everyone who has ever been abused, raped, molested, or personally assaulted in some manner against your will, I can only say how sorry i am that a member of the human race did this to you, and because i am a member of this supposed human race, i am ashamed.

peace and blessings

john

Communication

Communication, one of the most important abilities we have. to be able to communicate our thoughts, our feelings, our wants, our needs. We all need to communicate to others, and how well we do it influences whether or not we reach those people and get what we are looking for.

For the most part, those we relate to are not mind readers, they cannot telepathically know what we are thinking, therefore we must tell them. When we tell them we must communicate ...that is to say we must approach it on a level that encourages them to listen, to hear, to digest what we say to them and to then respond, hopefully in a positve manner.

Communicating with Keepers and other survivors of abuse or other trumas requires us to communicate gently, supportively, compassionately, and honestly. Hmmm...come to think of it, sounds like a good way to communicate with anyone, doesn't it? Maybe that is my whole point here, that when dealing with anyone we need to make every effort to honestly communicate, to make every effort to make it as easy as possible for the recipient to hear us, to understand what we are saying. We should make them comfortable with our words, our tone of voice, our inflections, and as a result we should be able to communicate better.

Communicating is indeed a two way street and we as listeners to someone else must make every effort to hear what they are saying. We need to focus on them, their words, their eyes, their presentation, read them as they speak, watch for thier body language also. Realize they may be uncomfortable or nervous, weigh it all and hear them. Really hear what they are saying and not what you think they want you to hear or worse yet, what you want them to say.

Communication, is so important to relationships. Be it a stranger saying "excuse me" or a sales person or a friend or a loved one, or oneself. Yes, we must also learn how to tell ourselves things and listen to our inner self as it tries to direct us, to make us hear what is being presented to us.
Being a good listener is tantamount to a good conversation and communication. Do not expect others to listen to you when you won't listen and hear them. Communication, successful communication is an art, one we all need to improve on.

peace and blessings to all of you

john m

Visiting Pastor

Saturday we visisted Pastor Brown who is in the hospital up in Kansas City. He has diabetes and got an infection in his foot which is very dangerous for diabetics. He had to have surgery on his foot. So we trucked on up there to see him, a good 41/2 hour drive from where we are. Now Pastor Brown just loves White Castle burgers. I don't know how many of our visitors know what a White Castle burger is but it a unique burger, cooked on a bed off onions on the grill, the patties are small and thin, 4 or 5 bites can do in a WC burger easily. To say they have their own taste is an understatement. Most people either love 'em or hate them! Well, PB loves 'em.
When we got there 3 of his sisters were there with his nephew who had a football game to play in yesterday afternoon. Well 2 of the burgers were for his nephew and 2 were for him, you would think we robbed him of those 2 we gave his nephew!! Sometimes Pastor just strikes you as a really big boy who hasn't grown up but then you listen to him talk and you realize he is a man of great stature, not just physically but emotionally, spiritually and morally.
We have had several sessions with pastor where we have discussed so much; our problems, societies problems, his problems, the websites problems, and yet we have also shared our joys and triumphs. Usually he casually mentions Jesus and doing the right thing, not because he is preaching to us or anyone who may be there, but that is how he truly feels, he never ever places himself above anyone else, if anything he tries to be in the background and lets you be in front so to speak, even if you are uncomfortable with it. He speaks quietly and softly yet firmly and with compassion and passion at the same time.
Back to yesterday, his sisters were getting ready to leave when we got there but we at least gotto meet them and now they know he didn't make us up. Ever since Pastor and us began his monthly newsletter his sisters have been kidding him about these 2 people he says is helping him but they never see these 2 people! They were wonderful ladies and huggers also, just like Pastor. His nephew was there and got to take his 2 White Castle burger home with him!! We got to visit with him for a couple of hours, his nurse got him in a wheel chair so we could take him on a stroll around the floor. Seems like every other person we saw said hi to him and us or he said heelo to them. The man draws the best out of people, I swear. Maybe that's one of the reasons keepers and I love him so much, after we have seen him, listened to him, talked to him we feel so happy, so full of life and hope we are so ready to take the next step in whatever direction we are heading.
After we had been there about 2 hours we were getting ready to go, as Pastor pouted kiddingly, "you're going to leave me just because you've got a 4 or 5 hour drive ahead of you?"
and wouldn't you know it, in comes another couple, regulars at his ministry. We met them and got our goodbye hugs from Pastor and left him in their hands or them in his, depending on how you want to look at it. As we left we knew we felt better for seeing him, for being with him, we just hoped we had given him something in return.
This morning we had an email from Pastor, sent from his hospital bed, telling how he had company until 10:30 last night at the hospital and had more on the way this morning! He will not be alone, he is too loved and needed. He also thanked us for being there, for taking the time to drive there.

It was our pleasure Pastor.

john michael and keepers

Keepers, John and Keeperskorner

Hello everyone, John here, I'm the one in the baseball cap. Keepers are the lovely blonde on the right, my left, and Keeperskorner is the "two" of us together as well as all of our visitors and Blue our webmaster. I bring this up because there is some confusion on behalf of some of our visitors, they think I am a keeper also. I am a fraction of this team as there are way more keepers than johns. I say that because keepers are a multiple personality system, the direct result of years upon years of traumatic abuse, (is there any other kind?) that forced them to cope somehow and multiplicity was their minds resolution. Simply create different alters (keepers) to handle different things in life so that no one individual has to handle too much of the abuse. Pretty amazing, eh?

I am husband to some, significant other to others, best pal and buddy to others, first love to some, friend to a few, partner to many and probably pain in the butt to some as well as smart assed sailor to others, (I was in the Navy when we got married). All in all we are two bodies, many minds and individuals that have a website called Keeperskorner

Keeperskorner was originally a site to sell keepers artwork on and secondly a site to provide information about multiples, about their views and mine on surviving abuse, about what it is like being a multiple and the spouse of one, but it has been transformed into a ministry of sorts, no longer attempting to sell artwork but now offering it freely those who desire it, one piece at a time I might add, and also offering support to abuse survivors via a toll free phone line for USA residents, via the blogs, the articles we present, the art and poetry galleries, the links to other sites and blogs that also offer support and information.

Both Keepers and I write blogs, we also visit others and leave our comments there. Keepers are the heart of the site, the heart of the mission as stated on the homepage. They are the ones who know the pains, the memories, the abuse and how those who have gone through the same sorts of things feel. What I know I know by observation and having lived with keepers for 36 years. So, what I know is what I have seen and heard which is nowhere near the same as having experienced it, the abuse they all endured.

I am posting this on our other blogs, just so more of our visitors might see it. I want everyone to know who is who. To be honest it was an honor to be asked if I was a keeper, I have that much respect for them and others like them. But, I am as they say a "singleton" so I am more than happy to assist them in getting the word out, in promoting what we consider to be our ministry,
in telling other loved ones and significant others of other abuse survivors and multiples what I have seen and experienced from my viewpoint. I am happy to refer others to Keeperskorner so that they may find that one word that can help them survive or make it for 5 more minutes.

Keepers and I hope we are a part of the solution, for we never want to be part of the problem.
Won't you join us?

Peace and blessings

john and Keepers

General Blahs

Posted on www.Keeperskorner.com 9/01/06 Reproduced with Keepers permission


Ever have one of those days where nothing is terribly wrong but nothing is terribly right and your overall feeling is "blah"? Little things happen to eat up your time, things happen that results in your putting off a planned thing to do or a special dinner has less than special food, you know, those little things that by themselves you go "oh well", but tie three or four of them together and your whole day is "blah".

There are good things too, maybe a call you were expecting actually comes, maybe a call you were hoping for comes also, maybe another call you have been waiting for comes and at first you're very happy but then you find out they don't feel good and they have what could be serious health issues so that call went from happy to sad. Maybe you were hoping for a call or a card from someone close to your heart, but it never came.

Maybe you went to do an activity you are usually quite good at or at least better than your significant other, but this time you have absolutely no luck at all!! They are doing better than you which is good, don't get me wrong, but when you are used to being the best at this particular activity and nothing goes right, except for some small victories, it makes your day a little more "blah".

I know all keepers have "blah" days sometimes, sometimes all of us have them the same day and those are "BLAH" days! Not just keepers have them, we know everyone does, some people just have them more than others or at least it seems that way. So how do you, our visitors handle those "blah" days? We'd like to hear how you get over them, how you handle them. Is it something you do for yourself to bring yourself out of it? Maybe you read something special or listen to a sentimental cd or whatever. Let's hear it from as many as possible as to find out what you do to combat the "blahs".

We are looking forward to hearing what our visitors have as remedies, which we all can use to turn our "blahs" into "hurrahs".

Peace and blessings always

Keepers

Favorite Movies

Do you have favorite movies that you know others are going to read your list and they will say one of several things, stuff like "Are you kidding?" or "You liked that?" or "That movie stunk!" Yes, the critics who either feel that no one can understand movies like they do or that movies have to be brilliantly made and technically superb or some such upper echelon type of critique. Notice I said favorite movies not "best" movies because they can and often are separate.

I bring this up because last we watched 50 First dates with Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore. A great flick? No, but for some reason keepers and I love that movie and I think it is because being in love with multiples is a different kind of love in that it requires more deliberate actions than a "normal" relationship requires. This last comment is bull! Any relationship needs special actions and cares taken, not just ones with a multiple. Maybe falling in love with a multiple made me more aware of what I should be doing no matter who the relationship was with.

Another of our favorite flicks, Secondhand Lions with Rober Duvall and Michael Caine. Critics hate it, say they aren't even close to being brothers in looks or anything, etc etc bla bla bla. Who cares??? We love the movie! HJ Osment as the kid is cool but the two brothers and their antics are a riot. Maybe keepers and I have a weird sense of humor compared to the rest of the people out there.

How about Pirates of the Caribbean? It's a movie based on a video game or a ride at an amusement park or something! Who cares? Johnny Depp is a hoot in this movie.

Here's another one we like, Homer & Eddie with Whoopi and Jim Belushi. Whoopi is dying and meets up with Jimbo who plays a man who was struck in the head by a line drive in a baseball game as a kid and was brain damaged forever after. Jim Belushi gives a wonderful performance and Whoopi is Whoopi, we love her in most things she does.

That brings us to two other favorites, One being The Color Purple, a simply fantastic movie, though a wee bit depressing at times, but it really conveys a time and a region so well and everyone acts wonderfully. The other one is not a movie but a concert by Whoopi, a one woman concert where she portrays different people from a valley girl to a Jamaican housekeeper to a junkie visiting Anne Franks home. Poignant, touching and a great presentation of what Whoopi is capable of.

Paint Your Wagon, Lee Marvin cannot sing, neither could Jean Seberg, Eastwood can to a degree and yet we love this movie and the soundtrack. Most critics hated it. Oh well!

Funny Girl with Barbra Streisand and Omar Sharif, all for sentimental reasons for keepers and I.
Not that the music is anything to sneeze at!!

The Quiet Man, Big Duke Wayne and Maureen O'Hara, I cannot tell you how many times we have watched this movie. Keepers being of Irish descent has a special place for this movie in their hearts.

Bambi by Walt Disney, Bambi, Thumper and Flower all the littles love them. How can you not?

So there you have a short list of some of our favorite movies that for the most part, critics didn't like, major exception being The Color Purple.

Maybe in a few weeks I'll put up a list of my favorites and then one from keepers perspective, until then the balcony is closed.

john michael

Too Much

Late this afternoon we went to a small birthday party for our oldest granddaughter at our daughters house. There were 7 adults and 2 children. Now litle Sammi was celebrating her 2nd birthday or should I say her mom and dad and the rest of us were. Because little Sammi has no idea what is going on. She doesn't know what a birthday party is or why it is. She likes Dora the Explorer so that was the theme of the party, to the extreme.

Our daughter had decorations in the kitchen and living room, all of the plates were Dora, streamers, etc and I bet little Sammi had no idea as to the relevance or really cared. There was enles spicture taking and video taking because she had no idea it was her birthday and some day she will look and see the pics and video and maybe, just maybe remember one toy or special item she received.

She won't remember the other 49 gifts or even care. To say that way too many presents were bought would be an understatement. In my opinion for a 2 uear old it was utterly wasteful. In my opinion for any child it was wasteful and overdone. How anyone can think a 2 year can appreciate all that she received? At 2 years old you're not even into opening gifts yet, much less 50 of them!

Even if I was very very well off I can honestly say I would not do that. There is no reason to buy one child 50 gifts!!!! If they are 2 or 10 or 17 that is ridiculous. Especially when the child needs socks and shoes which can be Dora if need be. And what dare I ask is the sense in buying a two year old little girl a basketball hoop set, yes it is for little children but I really doubt that a two year old girl will play with it as much as her father will.

I don't get it. Too much is too much and in my opinion that is way too much.

Til tomorrow!!

john michael

Caution: Life May Be Triggering

Posted 8/26/06 on http://www.keeperskorner.com

Triggers and causes of triggers have been a hot topic this week here at Keeperskorner and rightly so, we all have triggers, even us "singletons" or "non-multis" as I have heard us referred to as, and even those of us who have not suffered the traumas that the real survivors have had to endure and grow past and are on that healing journey we so often refer to here also. Man that was long sentence! In shorter words let me say, caution, life is full of triggers.

But...triggers are for individuals for the most part. What triggered T on the CD cover and the CD lyrics has never triggered keepers nor anyone else we know of and believe me we have been asking around. Yet, T's reaction triggered keepers, they began to fall into that very old guilt and we are evil mode, one that was thrown on their shoulders by the abusive family as well as an abusive therapist!

Triggers can be obvious, in fact in my opinion Lifetime cable channel is full of triggers in their selection of movies, you know the female in jeopardy of the day movies. I am not an abuse survivor but I can see how those movies could trigger any number of people.

I've seen keepers get triggered by going down the steps into a basement, more than once, and each time the abreactions began, triggered by the steps and location of the steps. I've seen them get triggered by a tone in a voice or a word. Each survivor has their own set of triggers and it is impossible for the people around them to protect them from every trigger, not without sealing them off in some manner which in many cases would be a trigger in itself as they were sealed off in their abusive situation.

I would like to quote Blue for a few lines here as she makes some very good points, in our opinion:

Keepers Korner is an AWESOME ministry
that has helped a LOT of people. Many more people will be helped if Keepers
Korner continues. The same is true of Morning Vision... I feel terrible
that our CD caused her abreaction... but I cannot shut down Morning Vision
because of it.... just like 4th of July Celebrations cannot all suddenly
cease because it causes some people to have flashbacks of Vietnam... There
will always be people that we cannot help for one reason or another... But
the important thing is that we are helping everyone that we CAN help and we
are willing and available to be used wherever God wants to use us. That is
all we can do. :-)
~ Blue

Great words Blue and thank you for them. We know for a fact we had helped T before the CD incident, she told us so in her emails, just as she had helped us, it was a win win situation for all concerned. We still consider her a dear friend of ours and if she or any of her family or friends do read our blogs we hope she will see that we do care and we have been examining all of the aspects of what happened and we hope as time goes by, she will be able to recognize it also.

Others have written us, asking us not to shut down, not to quit making the music available, not to give in to our guilt. As our readers have so stated, we cannot protect everyone though we try, for all we know there are people who have abreacted over a picture in one of the galleries, or a comment in a blog that hit too close to home for someone.

What it boils down to is that we are determined to continue on this journey, life is full of triggers for keepers and anyone else out there who is on this journey, all we can do is try to minimize them with honest efforts and continue on.

To all of you out there who come by this site and the many others who offer their stories on their sites, please be kind to each other, we all make what turns out to be a mistake even with our best intentions, we can only apologize and continue onward. After all that is our jouney, that is life, full of triggers, little land mines along the way, they can stop us for a while, they can even help us realize an issue that still needs to be dealt with. Triggers are God's way of saying, "You are not over that yet, let's work on it, okay?"

It kind of sucks to know that in the grand scheme of things our sending that CD hurt T; yet on the other hand it not only triggered memories but also triggered reaction, to work it out, to face it finally, to release the anger and hurt and move even further down the road of recovery. In that light it helps to know that the end result is growth for her, emotionally she has wounds that are scabbing over now, able to heal. I guess we are puppets in the hand of the Great One at times, maybe T can understand that now, just as we are beginning to also.

Caution, life itself may be triggering and yet it also may be healing.

Peace, blessings and love to each of you from all of us here at Keeperskorner, may you each heal in you own time at your own pace, but heal and grow and blossom and help those about you do the same.

John and Keepers

The Unseen Enemy***Caution May Be Triggering

Posted on Keeperskorner.com 8/26/06


Hello everyone, and I am assuming there is someone out there reading these, even though every indication is "no we're not". Ever since our friend received her CD from us and she went into abreaction over some lyrics and the cover, things have gotten really strange here at Keeperskorner. Even though we immediately put up an apology to our friend, even though we pulled the free music offer for the time being, we have seen absolutely no one visit this site except for two comments! We truly appreciate those two as they are in a very definite minority right now! We have had a few comments on my offsite blogs but several of those are from people who seldom visit Keeperskorner.

Is it just one of those periods where people aren't coming to our site? Or they are but not leaving comments? Nope, no views either until a few minutes ago when those 2 comments were posted. Other than that no visitors.

So what exactly is going on? To be honest I don't know but I do know that Keepers had a call in to Pastor Brown of the Save Our World Minsitry because he is a very spiritual man who we both respect. He called and when Keepers said they were ready to call it quits and close down Keeperskorner he went ballistic!! "Girl, what are you saying/" He then told her things are similar where he is except worse. He has been attacked verbally by some of the townspeople for running a cult!!! His children in his youth ministry are being ridiculed as members of a cult by other children in the town. We are talking about a town in the middle of the Meth producing capital of the US of A!!!! A town where drunks and meth addicts outnumber the Bible thumping Baptists and now Pastor's church is being ridiculed and name called!

He then told us he had a dream, last Saturday night, that for 2 weeks he and those associated with him would be under attack. It seems to be happening, not only us and him, but also members of another ministry associated with him. So, it appears we have another week to go of this "unusual" occurrences.

If Pastor Brown is running a cult it is the most Jesus friendly cult I ever saw, everything revolves around Jesus. Pastor asks for no donations, from anyone. He just prays people will. And guess what, they do. He has helped so many alcoholics and meth addicts in his area it is amazing.

So what are we going to do? As others have commented, it is not fair to remove the music from others as it may very well have no effect on others, we all know how different things trigger different people. We will put something out later this weekend on the music situation but it will probably be made available with warnings and cautions. Is Keeperskorner shutting down? No way!!! As Pastor said, If we do that the enemy has won another battle and our goal is to help the abused not start a sight to help and then abandon it. We know in our hearts we are helping some of you out there, we know in our hearts we never meant to hurt T in any way, we know in our hearts we have to go on being associated with Pastor Brown for all the good he does, we know we have to stand by Blue and Morning Vision as they are indeed Christian rockers who are trying to spread the word, we know we are going to stand up ourselves and try to help anyone who wants our help, be it music, artwork, gentle words of support, hugs over the internet, or calls from people needing a caring voice to say "it's okay".

We will not quit what we are doing. We believe we are right in what we are doing and if we do something injurious as in what happend to T we will apologize and move on. The apology will be from the heart but so is our determination to be a part of the solution and not the problem.
All of you out there must make your own decisions as to where you are going and how you are getting there. We pray you make the right decisions for you and those you love. We also pray we will all do this journey together hand in hand and heart to heart for that is part of the solution.

Peace and blessings to all of you, seen and unseen, heard and unheard, but all cared for.

John and Keepers

Nobody Girl aka Rainbow

The young lady to the right is or should I say was known as Nobody Girl. Since then her name has been changed to Rainbow. She is one of the keepers. What is so amazing to me is that when we go to other sites and view artwork by other multiples and abuse survivors more often than not we encounter images much like this one.

Maybe she should be renamed again...to the Everybody Girl because she seems to be an authentic constant for these very important people. She is representative of something they all feel, all have in some way or another. She is the embodiment of "no one cares about me" and "I am worthless" neither of which is true, the feeling are true the statement is not. For these people who survived are worthy and they are cared about.

She has a big sister of sorts, namedHope and hope is the same as Nobody, or Everybody or Rainbow, except her head is up and she is looking upward past a tear stained eye. She has hope and because she does so do we.

As supporters, as significant others, as partners or friends, we all need to pledge and give our support to all of the Nobody girls, no matter what their real name so they can each have and become Hope in every sense of the word.

This n That

This is a potpouri blog, first off I would like to remind those of you that read an earlier blog about From Continuance to Mission that my wifes website keeperskorner
has gone from being a site about support and selling art to being solely support with the art being donated to survivors who want a particular piece maybe because it touches them in some way or because it captures some of their feelings or inspires them or whatever their particular reason is. It has become a ministry of sorts for su, to help other people on their healing journey in most any way we can. There is even a toll free number for US residents to call us just to hear a friendly voice. We cannot give advice as we are not prefessionals, just people who have been through a lot and are still going down that road, but we are good listeners and sometimes that is what people need the most. Please feel free to visit keeperskorner and perhaps recommend it to anyone you know who may in recovery from an abusive situation.


It is interesting how things work out some times. I receive a message from a friend over on Yahoo 360 and I reply back very simply. I think I am on her mailing list and someone else mails her and she mails them and the next I know I am getting copied in on several other message strings. Somehow, someway as one of the people said they received a reply from me and then visited this blog and asked to add me to thier friends list. I was pleased to and will add them also, expanding the range of this site as well as theirs.


Keepers, my wife, SO, friend, partner are continually amazed, as am I as to how we all can learn from each other. It appears so and so is really having a rough time on their blogs, we comments and it is obvious that all who visit see a person in dire straights, in a "real pickle" and then two days later here they are, writing a blog that you go, sheez I never thought of that or wow, that is so right, so true I wonder why I never saw that before! We all can learn so much gain so much insight if we take the time to listenm to read, to hear what others are saying. Try it, you will learn something about others and maybe even about yourself.

Lastly, I wish more people would leave comments both on keeperskorner
and here and on the Yahoo 360 site. We know people are visiting and reading but few are leaving comments. We all need more points of views, more perspectives, to see if we are heading in the right direction, providing what people want or need. There are other things we could write about, but we also need requests for our point of view or our experiences. Let us know what you want and we will try to do our best to provide it.

Til next time

john michael and Keepers

Feelings

This is a copy of what I wrote on the blog at Keeperskorner which is directed to those abuse survivors both MPD/DID and non who visit Keepers site, who write to her and me and we in turn write back, offering support and getting support. Here it is.

Most of you who will be reading this will know exactly what I say when I say that feelings are so easy to hurt. Each of you, whether a multiple or a survivor or both know it all too well. A mis-spoken word, a forgotten promise or worse yet an ignored promise, a lackadaisical attitude of oh well, all hurtful things to each of you. Let's face it you are very fragile in many ways even as you are strong in so many ways. You are the strongest crystal made.

Are you resilient? very much so. Are you able to pull yourself up and keep on going? Oh, yes, undoubtedly. Are you strong when one would expect weakness and hurt when one would say, why? Only when one did not pay attention. For if we pay attention we know why.

I have read so many blogs in the last 6 months or so and one of the most common threads is how fearful people (by people I am referring to those involved in these blogs, writers and commenters) are of hurting other peoples feelings, how very careful they tend to be in choosing their words and also in their actions. They are very sensitive people, and after all they have been through wouldn't you expect them maybe to be just a bit coarse and cold? But they are not, at least the ones I have read and visited. Oh yes, there may be alters who are harder and more able to say enough is enough but as a general rule you are all very sensitive. Even after all you have been through. That is what makes all of you so very special in this world. You still have gentleness, thoughtfulness, feelings of a good nature.

You are all indeed remarkable and I mean that to each of you. I have read where Amelia's feelings were hurt, or Austin was choosing her words so very carefully or Keepers were apologizing for what they felt or Little T was so sad and now so happy or whatever was being felt by whoever. Through Keepers I have come to know so many of you out there, by visiting your sites and your blogs and I see the same hurt over and over again, the same hurt Keepers feel, maybe not all of the time but sometimes. To be quite truthful I wish I could gather Keepers and each and every one of you up in my arms and fly us all away to a better place, a better world, where you weren't hurt over and over, not just then when so many terrible things happened to each of you but also now when inconsiderate people and even loved ones hurt you again with their "too busy" attitudes and their "I forgot" promises and their "I'll get to it tomorrow, tomorrow" promises a la Annie.

How I wish I could get through to your friends, your family members, your coworkers, your T's, your webmasters, your loved ones and on and on and how I want to get through to them how very fragile you are. Some of you are stronger than others, but there are pieces inside each of you that are just as fragile as crystal and has to be treated as such. I have to remind myself of the same thing sometimes.

You all deserve to be treated kindly and with respect, it is not so much to ask. Do I think you should be treated with kids gloves? To a degree. Crystal is meant to be handled carefully and gently, what is so wrong with that? Is a person deserving of less, especially ones who have been through so much, survived so much, are they not due a little extra care when dealing with them and their emotions? I am not condoning emotional blackmail for I believe what I see from keepers and what I read from you out there is your real feelings. Not once have I felt as though any of you were using your feelings to get what you wanted or some preferential treatments. I always saw and see and hear and read it as genuine.

You are all wonderful, you are all special, you are all survivors, you are all deserving of the best of treatment not only from me, but from each other and also from those around you. I pray you all will receive the respect and care you offer each other from the others in your lives and if I ever fail to live up to this with Keepers or others out there who I write to and receive communications from, please let me know. There have been times I let Keepers down, I am not proud of that but I try to do right by them and to all of you others who may be reading this. If I let you down let me know and I will try to make it right. What I have learned is when I hurt you it takes more time for the trust to come back and I do not want to lose that with any of you.

Am I saying that to Keepers or you or you or you?? I am saying it to all of you, especially Keepers but to all of you who are on this journey with Keepers, hand in hand and heart in heart
because you deserve it and because the journey shouldn't be any rougher than it already is.
I hope and pray those around you feel the same way, if not now, then soon, very soon.

Peace and blessings to all of you

John Michael

Sexual Terms Abuse Survivors

see the title to this blog? I was searching blogs for sexual abuse survivors and this one came up. give you one guess what it wasn't about! This type of thing pisses me off, that someone would put a sexual blog into blogs about survivors . to me, people who do this are no better than tose who commit abuse or rape because they are showing complete and utter disrespect for people who have been through abuse but putting crap in the middle of some serious blogs.

this happens with websites also, it is by no means restricted to blogs. in any such instance as this the people who do it are to be considered scum. How they can have so little regard or respect for what survivors have gone through? This also tends to tell me they are like this with other things also. I guess what i am saying is that i would have no desire to be around someone like this. They are most probably bigots in every sense of the word. They are most likely the kind of person most of us would rather not be around. If they are this insensitive and coarse i doubt of they have many associates except other slike them.

i don't care who wants to go to a porn site or a nudie site, to each his own, but don't you think putting it in the middle of something like sexual abuse survivors is NOT going to get you a lot of hits? Which leaves me thinking it was done with no intent to getting real visitors only to irritate and exasperate someone who was abused or their significant others who may be looking for help or guidance or comfort. Which brings me back to my original theory, you must be scum.

Maybe we can get rid of your blog, maybe not, but I ask everyone who runs across blogs or sites that are disguised as serious, helpful sites to please help me get rid of them. By complaining to blog site administrators, whatever method works. If you know of how to deal with these please let me know so I can publicize it.

john
http://www.keeperskorner.com

Who'd a thunk it

Who'd a thunk one screen door would bring so much joy into the world? Keepers have been slowly rearranging our family room into their art studio where they can create their artwork, work on calligraphy, write poetry, work on the website, keeperskorner, read other friends blogs, etc and we finally bought a new screen door to replace the old half destroyed one we had. Now when it's not 100+ degrees they can open the door with the screen door there, turn on the attic fan and get a nice breeze flowing through the room. It may be the crowning touch for the studio, for the time being at least.

Now, the other two who really like the screen door are Max and Owen our cats. They love it!!! wow, look at that over there...and over there...what's that? Never been this close to the squirrels before or the birds!!! Owen lays there on the landing floor and inches his way closer to the screen, watching the goings on outside in our backyard. Then stretches out and lets the breeze rub his belly.

Max watches intently, good place for trapping flies!! Bat it this way then that way then swallow it, spit it out and chase it all over again.

One door...priceless.

Why???????????

Why??

As I read other survivors stories, like Marias
and keepers
i wonder how and why those in authority can get away with their blatant disregard for the welfare of children, whether it is in an institution or a private home. Maria spent way too much time in a horrendous children's home with her sister and Lord knows how many other children while keepers spent a life of horror in thier parents and other relatives homes in Missouri, Arkansas and I am not sure where else.

In Maria's case the Catholic church ran the institution and thier nuns inflicted the terrible treatment to all of the children. In keepers case the catholic church ignored what was going on even though their mother was a teacher in their grade schools and could have been putting even more children at risk. When keepers were older they went to a priest who did absolutely nothing.

Seems to be the norm for the catholic church and its officials. Ignore it, cover it up, never ever admit guilt if at all possible. When all else fails pay 'em off. Sad to say from what I have read, this is a problem not only in the catholic church and institutions but in the other religions also.
To me it is disgusting that the very home of supposed religion and godliness houses so many sick perverts and then covers it up!!!

Yes I know there are good people in the churchs but the apple barrel is rotting from the bad ones. The stench and rotteness is growing daily. Is it any wonder more and more people are becoming spiritual in their own ways, seeing God in the mountains and streams and the star lit skies and not in the churches made by man and in some cases being destroyed by man.

Finding God within oneself and those about you instead of blindly accepting the priest or the nun or the reverend or the deacon or the minister as the voice of God and who we should listen to seems to be a growing movement in the world. Organized religion and its churches are not being accepted as 100% sacred and infallible and that is good!!!!!!!! Because they are not and sadly they are housing a big part of the worlds problems when one considers the children they affect now and those in the past.

Do not blindly accept any religion or church, do not accept their doctrine as infallible or as the whole truth. Religion is man made, spirituality is made by each person as their relationship with God, the Great Spirit, or whatever name you know your God by, is developed and adhered to. Good is good, it's that simple. When a church official says this is good then there should be no reason to hide it, to deny it, to pretend it does not exist.

feel free to visit our main site at http://www.keeperkorner.com for more article, blogs, etc

Peace and blessings to all of you out there in blogland

john