john michaels blog

Nonviolent Nonsilence

2008-11-15T11:34:00.000-08:00

JM is presenting this blog by Keepers from their blog because of the seriousness it directs to other multiples and survivors on the internet

Last night, keepers realized that Robert Fiebiger (our former therapist) has become active on Facebook. In all honesty, keepers have tried (very hard) to keep from ever, actually, placing this man's name on our blog. For obvious reasons, keepers see his name as having such bad karma that we do not want it associated with KK any more than necessary. However, keepers find it cause for very serious concern that this man is now attempting to make contact and develop friendships over the internet. We are concerned enough about this situation to post his name here on our blog--for those who choose to not read our "matter of public record papers" in our case against MR. Fiebiger. (I have capitalized the MR. because this therapist had keepers call him Dr. much of the time and because there are two separate places on the internet that address him as Dr. Robert Fiebiger. The truth of the matter is that he is qualified only to be called MISTER. He has no qualifications that make him deserving of the title Dr.) The name needs to be known so that multiples understand the dangers of him being active in cyberspace and are aware of the grave harm he can intentionally do to a trusting MPD/DID patient.

In his professional status, while working as keepers therapist of record, this man wrote one of our alters a letter of a very sexual nature which was not only unethical but crossed every boundary of the therapeutic relationship. If he did this to keepers under the guise of being our therapist, he would have no qualms at all about approaching any multiple on a sexual level via the internet. This man, also, built our therapeutic relationship on the basis of telling keepers he was a multiple, himself. The names of some of the alters he claimed to have are listed in our public papers. If he would feign multiplicity to suck keepers in and gain our trust in therapy, he would have no qualms at all about doing the same thing with a multiple over the internet. Of course, he was convicted on two other counts than the ones I have just mentioned but these are the two behaviors he has that cause us serious concern about him being active in the cyberworld where he could attempt to gain the trust of another multiple and do the same type of permanent harm he did to keepers under the umbrella of his professionalism. It seems to us that, if he did not possess the integrity to act as a competent therapist in his professional life, there is no reason to believe he would display such integrity while dealing with people on the net, either. A point of interest to you may be the fact that Robert Fiebiger chose to not appear in his own defense at the hearing held concerning our case. His failure to appear greatly limited the information presented in court which greatly limits how much keepers can say here about the horrors of any multiple having dealings with this man.

In today, keepers lives are what they are. The damage this therapist did to our marriage is something JM and keepers have to struggle with every single day. The damage this therapist did to keepers relationships with our external children has brought about the greatest loss keepers could have ever experienced. The damage this man did to keepers abilities to trust can not be put into words. The sad thing is that our official papers state that he willfully and purposefully did such grave harm to keepers. That is such a sad thing for any multiple to have to live with. To know that the therapist we trusted did this kind of grave harm to us on purpose. The fact that he handled his professional life this way speaks volumes about how little integrity he would have in his personal life or, worse yet, out there in cyber space.

Keepers have written this blog with his name stated clearly so that, as many multiples as possible, know to recognize the name Robert Fiebiger and remember the immense harm he did to keepers before making contact or developing a relationship with him in any way. We sincerely hope that our cyber friends will take this alert seriously and "stay safe" should the name Robert Fiebiger ever appear in the comments on your blog or anywhere else in your cyber life.

Peace and Blessings,

keepers

Alert Regarding Keepers Former Therapist

2008-11-14T20:50:00.001-08:00

ALERT: Keepers former therapist has become active on facebook. Here is a link to what he did, please use extreme caution if you run across him.

Something Is Rotten

2008-10-12T16:49:00.000-07:00

A dear friend of keepers and myself, a woman who is a multiple, a woman we helped a year ago when her apartment flooded, a woman whose state appointed agency did nothing then to help her, a woman who keepers talk with every day, day in day out, has literally been buried alive in the system or it at least looks that way. They know each other, they trust each other, KK and keepers have helped them through some very rough times and this dear lady appreciates keepers and supports Keepers and KK emotionally and spiritually.

After KK and an affiliate ministry put her up for 3 days to get away from her mold infested apartment KK actually wrote to the state attorney general and lo and behold several months later, the case worker, the case manager and the caretaker were all fired or quit. Word was that the attorney general was investigating the caretaking company and was cleaning house. The only two we know of to not be replaced were the therapist, who is a social worker and the medical psychiatrist. New people were assigned to her case and things appeared to be turning around.

Keepers and her therapist had corresponded via emails, the therapist having no knowledge of MPD was asking Keepers for directions in things to read , who to read, etc and thanked Keepers for the friendship and assistance they offered to this lady.

The therapist was leaving this caretaking company and offered to take our friend to her private practice so she could continue to see her but all the rest would be handled by this organization, the caretaking, the caseworker, etc.

Suddenly things began to change, our friend told keepers they felt their T was threatening to hospitalize her or put her in a group home. She was in a group home and was raped and abused there so that was not an option as far as she was concerned.
This caretaking company was supposed to be sure our friend was taken to the grocery store to buy her groceries, taken to a laundromat to do her laundry and get help. She needed help because she has fibro, asthma, and several other physical infirmities. They do not do this on a constant basis. When her apartment was flooded her doctor gave her a letter to give to the apartment manager because the mold was not not being cleaned up nor was the flooding fixed, every time it rains halfway heavily her apartment flooded again. It took the case manager a week to get to our friend who was too sick to walk to the apartment managers office and give them the letter from the doctor for our friend.

Now, this past Thursday this lady called Keepers and also sent Keepers an email with a link in it. She received it from her therapist and was told to read it very thoroughly. It is a paper that presents a whole bunch of "reasons" for MPD/DID ranging from severe sexual abuse to alien abduction, to government CIA covert programs to SRA, from demon possession to therapist created. To say this upset her would be an understatement. On Friday morning she called Keepers to say goodbye, her T has called her, the case manager or worker was on their way to her apartment to take her to a state hospital! Keepers said she sounded drugged to a degree, her voice had no emotion, no feelings, very monotone.

Something about this whole thing smells to high heaven in my opinion. I want to write to the attorney general again but we have absolutely nothing concrete to send them. Let's be honest, we all have read horror stories about mental hospitals, much less a state hospital, and this woman is suddenly placed away. She has no family near her, no one to say, "where are you?" "Are you safe?" and that is rotten and disgusting and so offensive, that a person can be buried alive and swept under a carpet of bureaucracy.

This is not a happy trail

jw

Back to the Weblog

2008-08-16T17:29:00.001-07:00

OKAY!!!! Andrzej our webmaster got the blog fixed, screw the hacker from Turkey(!!), and Keepers are back to blogging on the website blog over at Keepers Korner.

There are some changes being made there because to be quite honest not enough time or money to do everything we have been trying to do, not at this point in time anyway. So some services are being put on hold for now and some visiting of sites will be minimized to make time for Keepers to talk with people on the phone and answer emails, etc.

Hope everyone is having a good weekend so far

Happy trails

JM

Backup Time

2008-08-10T13:08:00.000-07:00

Keepers are going to be posting at the backup blog until further notice. Why? The main blog got hacked again, this time by some knucklehead in Turkey! He was quite proud of it though I don't know why. Until Andrzej our webmaster and Wordpress can reset passwords and such we will have to move any new blogs to the old blog site, which is the backup blog. The address is on the sidebar, just click it or click here,
keeperskorner backup blog

Sorry for the inconvenience

happy trails

JM

People Who Don’t Get It

2008-08-07T19:47:00.000-07:00

There are a lot of people in my life who just don’t get it. The “it” is that my wife, your mother, your daughter in law, your granddaughter in law, your sister, your niece, your cousin, I think you get my point, deserves to be respected, but you don’t get that.

Today Keepers called me from home as the mail arrived, and in that mail was a note from my father’s current wife, addressed to me only, it was written to me only, no Mr and Mrs or J and T just me. One can imagine how that made Keepers feel. The note was to tell me they lived in so and so city and my dad was okay and we must have changed our phone number and not told anyone (duh!). In between Keepers hurt and anger over being neglected and treated as though they don’t exist I told them to put it in the trash since that is where it belongs.

I have walked away from my family and from most of hers for this one very big reason, they treat Keepers like they do not exist or with no respect at all. We quit visiting my grandmother as she constantly picked on Keepers and made snide remarks about the smallest of things. She passed away last November a cold, bitter and lonely person who had turned to our son for whatever reason and now he will inherit whatever she had left of her savings. I could have played her sick game and continued to ignore that she ignored Keepers or made her typical snide comments, it was not worth it in any way, shape or form.

I gave in to our kids behaviors for a long time and I finally saw the error of my ways which in turn got me exiled from their lives just as Keepers had been, big deal. I would rather be with keepers than our kids and grandkids and have to put up with them and their manipulative and abusive behaviors.

I will continue to proudly stand at Keepers side, alone if need be, and walk together with them and whoever else chooses to be with us as we continue this journey. I honestly believe these people do not get it. Keepers have one brother I enjoy and feel he understands, but he is the only one who faced himself and quit drinking and carousing and went back to his wife and has entered therapy to examine his motivations. Yes he was abused also as was all of Keeper’s siblings and he has begun his own journey of healing. He recognizes the games and the fact that these people who are so lost in their games truly cannot ever get well, not until they stop the abusive and mean and cruel behaviors they currently exhibit which won’t happen until they get help and perform deep soul searching.

Keepers and JM are not perfect by any means, we never claimed to be, but we do know we are on a safer and saner path than we have ever been on before and that is what these others do not and cannot get. In their eyes, if you are different than them in your behavior and what you accept and what you tolerate and respect then you cannot be a part of their world. You do not fit in.

I am glad we do not fit in their world, I don’t want to be a part of it with it’s using people, whether for money or sexual gratification or power mongering or self denial or whatever, to me I cannot be friends or friendly with people who constantly hurt the person I love more than anything or anyone else..

I know there were times I disrespected Keepers and for those times I have apologized and I am truly sorry I did what I did. Until these other people can apologize, from their hearts and truly treat Keepers differently, I will not be a part of their lives in any manner. My place is here with the people I know as Keepers. I am glad I get it.

Happy trails

JM

A Celebration of Birth and of Life

2008-07-28T18:14:00.000-07:00

This Friday, August 01, is the birthday for Keepers, the birthday of the little baby from where the Keepers came. A baby so unloved and disrespected by her parents that she began to split off almost right away, a baby that has grown very little over the years and a baby I am pleased to have met and held and cuddled. She is as cute as can be and I love her with all my heart. I wish I could see her more than I do but I hope she knows how much I love her and care about her and want to protect her and wish I could have protected her so many years ago. I love you baby and wish you Happy Birthday from JM.

To all the other keepers who have protected baby and the body these 58 years I also want to wish you a Happy Birthday, though your birth dates are all over the place as you all came at different times over the years I wanted to make that wish for you and to also honor all that you have accomplished.

A lot of people have milestone birthdays celebrated, you know, sweet sixteen or 21 or 30, 40, 50, etc just for reaching that milestone. I want to make this Friday a celebration of all you have accomplished, overcome, become. By working together you have all protected baby as much as you could, you overcame a life of dread and sheer violence and torture emotionally and physically to become a system that offers other systems hope and guidance and a realization that all of the abuse and neglect and such can be beaten and you can become a better person than those who molded you or attempted to. I say that because they failed in their endeavor to destroy you. Yes they shattered poor baby into so many others but they did not beat you. Over time and many years of self help thrown in with some therapeutic help Keepers can proudly say they stood up to the family that created them and still tries to have its way with its children or cover it up. Keepers bravely reported them and walked away from the family, mother, father, siblings and cousins and aunts and uncles and yes even children. Some you walked away from as they would not change their ways, some because they refused to acknowledge what happened to you, its effect on you or what was happening to others in the family who were being put through the same terrible treatment. Some rejected you, some because they could not manipulate you anymore, you had moved past that point. Some separated themselves because you reported them and they knew they were wrong but did not attempt to reconcile and in truth I doubt a reconciliation could be made at this point without assurances somehow that they had truly changed. Others, I fear, walked away because of our association with others in the family and now do not know we too are separate and not in those lives anymore.

The point is you did the right thing, you took the high road and because you did you have lost a lot, a lot of family, a lot of “friends” who were really just more users. You had a rough road to go and over the years you survived, at times just barely, you were lost in self medicating and you overcame that. You overcame alcohol and prescription drug abuse. You overcame and escaped from one abusive therapist and several who were just terrible and had no real idea what they were doing.. Do you know I watched as you took in papers to therapists because they did not know what was out there about DID/MPD? How sad is it when the patient can bring in information the therapist has not seen or even tried to find?
Over the years I watched you do everything you could to keep everyone happy. That included your family and our children. You made very attempt by many different keepers to be what every one of them wanted you to be for them whether it was your parents or your brothers and sister or your kids or grandparents or whoever, even therapists. I watched you bend over and over to make them happy, and yes even bending and doing all you could to be the wife I expected you to be. I also was able to watch as you finally overcame all of us and became you, the collective known as Keepers who were finally strong enough and knowledgeable enough about the system to realize you deserved to be treated differently, to not have to bend to everyone’s desires and whims and expectations.. I saw you stand straighter and taller and more proud of yourselves than ever before. That is truly worth celebrating.

As I look at Keepers today I see someone who manages Keepers Korner and gives 110% of themselves to it. In my opinion every Keeper in some way contributes to bits and pieces of the entire operation. Yes many are behind the scenes but all are involved, some may be just by sharing their feelings and emotions to those dealing with phone calls or emails as you try to console someone or hear and understand what they are saying, while others create the artwork or write the blogs or put the words to the paper in their poetry or talk with Pastor about how to help someone in his flock. There is an awful lot of good Keepers do, and have done. The difference now is that I think the visitors to Keepers Korner and the callers who call appreciate what you do. Your children, your family, cannot appreciate what you do because they do not have it in them to help people unselfishly as you do. They are looking at “what can you do for me” while you are looking at “what can I do for you?” This is not a new concept for Keepers who have always tried to satisfy everyone else, the difference is now Keepers make their offers to people who need what Keepers offer and are not asking for it for their own selfish needs.

I hope everyone out there will join me in celebrating who and what Keepers are, especially on their birthday this Friday. They give of themselves to help others, as you try to make others lives a little better, to make a little more sense and to know that someone out there cares.

As the commercial used to say “You’ve come a long way, baby!” Congratulations and Happy Birthday!!

Love you all

JM

Watching them Help

2008-06-11T21:21:00.000-07:00

Keepers are right now on the telephone, it is 11:21 pm and they are talking with a little from someones system, a very scared little who needs someone to listen to her, someone to hear what she is saying, someone to tell her it will all get better. This is not unusual for keepers to be doing this. This what they often do, over the telephone or via email or IM'ing on the computer, listening to people who have no one to turn to, or feel like they have no one to turn to, whichever makes no difference, they need someone and they turned to Keepers and Keepers are doing all they can do to help this little one.

I could not do this, I do not have the correct perspective since I am not multiple nor am I an abuse survivor. I can only sit here on the sideline and do what I can do to help Keepers have the time to talk and listen to others. This is how keepers Korner functions, they handle the person to person stuff and I handle the routine emails and site issues, coordinate things with Andrzej and so on.

I know Keepers do what many T's cannot do, for the same reason i can't either. They are not multiples or abuse survivors, at least not the majority that I have heard of. Based on how most of them treat their patients they are clueless in many aspects. Maybe that is why many turn to Keepers. Some T's have turned to Keepers over these last several years, to ask questions of them, to ask how best to help their patient or understand their patient. What Keepers do is remarkable in my view. I do not think I could ever do what they do. They do have some sort of calling to do this, one they realized and swore to do. They have made a commitment to be there.

Does that mean they can handle it all alone or hour after hour, no. They need breaks and timeouts and time to let their hair down and just chill sometimes. Why? Because they don't tell anyone that their time is up, see you next week. I have seen them sit on the phone or computer all night to be with someone as long as they needed them.

What I am saying is that I truly respect what they do, how well they do it, and how much they give of themselves, unselfishly. I only wish they had someone like them to turn to when they were so needful many years ago. For those who have access to keepers now I know Keepers will be there for you, all they ask is that someday you be there for someone else.

Happy trails

JM

Desperate Words

2008-05-29T16:36:00.000-07:00

I have tried to write this blog over and over and over, and I cannot even get past the first sentence. All of the negatives of their lives vastly outweigh the positives of their lives. At this point, they see no reason to go on and would welcome death. Only because my mother committed suicide and they saw what that brought about did they once promise to never do that to those they love. If not for that I imagine they would no longer exist.

Please pray that they see they do make a difference to people who know the real them. That everyone is not like those who used them, abused them, picked on them, walked away from them, shunned them, minimized what they went through then and now, etc.

They are alone. They want to die. They want the aloneness to end.

Thank you for your prayers.

JM

RAIN, rain and more of it

2008-05-26T18:14:00.000-07:00

: Ever see Paint Your Wagon? The scene of the rain, the bloody bloody rain, a mud encased mining town with a bunch of wet, muddy miners, well that is what we look like this Memorial Day Weekend, wet and muddy and soggy. To be honest it did stop today, but what is unusual about that is that last Thursday our local weather people were forecasting rain for today and hot and sunny saturday and sunday, well it was just the opposite, Friday night, rain, Saturday day and night, rain, Sunday, rain off and on then rain last night, and today cloudy and overcast changing to sunny BUT sometime tonight more storms moving in for tonight and tomorrow!!!!

At 5 o'clock the weather people on tv said we are now 12 inches above normal for this year.The last several years we have been under, drought like conditions, but now we are way over, feast or famine I guess.

So I never was able to mow the yard and by the time I can it will knee high to me and that is not good. EEEhah, more fun! So how has your Memorial Day weekend been? Must admit we did have some good food, all of the bbq variety. Hot dogs on Saturday, pork ribs on Sunday and chicken breasts today, got our fill of bbq for a few days that is for sure.

We even stayed up late one night and watched some movies. Let keepers teens pick the movies last night, watched Footloose and Flashdance, looks like tonight it will be Benny & Joon with Jonny Depp, I have really come to appreciate him as an actor, so it should be enjoyable.

Tomorrow it is back to work, would rather stay home with keepers and wor on keepers korner but until we win the lottery have to keep on working.

happy trails to all

JM

Proud of Keepers

2008-05-05T18:05:00.000-07:00

Today Keepers took their story about the former therapist to a local news reporter. He interviewed them about DID, about the former therapist, about what he did, etc. and Keepers gracefully answered his questions, gave him details and yes, even laughed with him. They were so worried about looking foolish, not only for themselves but for multiples in general. They know that some people will see them on local TV tonight and scoff, while others may make dumb comments and some will genuinely be interested and maybe, just maybe, another patient of a therapist who is also being a jerk will realize they can find help, that there are people who will listen and contact the state board or even the reporter.

It is less than two hours until the sotry will be on tv so they are anxiously awaiting it to air. Every indication is that he will handle it respectfully. After he and the cameraman left I asked her if she still wanted her face blurred as he had offered to do so I ran out to ask before they left and he said yes they could but by then she realized, she had nothing to hide. Do not blur out our face, we are who we are.

Have I said yet how proud I am of Keepers? I am. They continue to amaze me, how they have grown, how they have stood up for themselves, how they know that any way they are presented to the public, via internet, or newsletter or local tv or in a video on youtube, they are a representative of multiples everywhere. This is what saved them, and they have nothing to be ashamed of.

I know I am not ashamed of them in any way, shape or form, but I sure as heck am proud of them!

happy trails

JM

MeMe Time

2008-02-26T17:26:00.000-08:00

I’ve been tagged for a meme by SilveryLizard at Another Room. This is my first one so here goes.

Rules of the “Survivor Needs” Meme:

Please link back to the originating meme at Survivors Can Thrive, so people can see its origins, get ideas for their own self-care list, see who’s already been tagged, and maybe we can track how far this meme goes.

List 25 needs and 5 wants. Try to restrict your needs list to things that have to do with being a survivor of some sort of abuse, assault, etc. Your list can be anything…you want!

Use this list to remind yourself to get your needs met in the New Year.

Pass on this meme and tag five people to play this meme with you.

Needs:

1.) I need to be with Keepers, the babies, littles, smalls, teens, adults, all of them.

2.) I need to be able to provide the support and assistance they need to keep on keeping on.

3.) I need to help them help others

4.) I need our goofy cats, Owen and Max

5.) I need to remember there is only so much I can do and do that to the best of my ability

6.) I need to be a friend to keepers and others I meet along the way

7.) I need down time

8.) I need to focus on the job at hand

9.) I also need to be silly more often instead of so serious

10.) I need my new tv, it is so cool

11.) I need to hear what others are saying

12.) I need to keep the car cleaner

13.) I need to get the oil changed more frequently

14.) I need to control my temper more

15.) I need to respect myself

16.) I need to be happy and focus on the next 5 minutes

17.) I need to feel like Keepers and JM are safe

18.) I need my favorite foods

19.) I need springtime

20.) I need my sleep

21.) I need to curl up with keepers each night in bed as we sleep

22.) I need to remember how awesome God's creatures are and give them love and care and respect, human and animal, all too often the animals more so

23.) I need a good juicy steak and mushrooms every once in a while

23.) I need a nice 7 and 7 every once in a while

24.) I need to get out once in a while for a drive or ride, up the River Road to watch eagles or just look at the river flowing

25.) I need to see and hear funny things to make me laugh

5 WANTS JM HAS

1.) To continue helping Keepers with Keepers Korner but full time

2.) To do that full time I want to win the lottery so a job is not necessary

3.) To buy a cool convertible, for those rides to meet Pastor or up the River Road

4.) To take Keepers to Ireland

5.) To meet more of the people we have met online via Keepers Korner

Now I tag Elvina at A Gift From Within

Kirkwood, MO Another view

2008-02-08T17:26:00.000-08:00

As we watched the news last evening regarding the shooting in Kirkwood, MO several things came to the forefront. One was the fact that our son is a county police officer and every time keepers see or hear about a policeman being shot they go into a panic that it could be him. I imagine this is normal whether one is multiple or not, it has to be a fear of any one who knows a police officer, and even more for a mother.

The other thing was that the shootings were about three blocks away from where keepers ex T had his office so they were often in that neighborhood. In fact it was in their mind and mine that it could be him. A man labeled as a sociopath by fellow therapists, a man who had had similar issues with the same zoning commission, a man whose wife filed for divorce, a man who has had his license suspended for 3 years may well have snapped and gone the same route.

As I said in my previous post, there seems to be a lot Kirkwood today in this country of ours, and they all are needless and senseless. The agony they inflict on all involved is so damaging to the human spirit. These are not easy circumstances to overcome, for many they will never be overcome. The questions will linger, the whys will have no answers, the what could I have dones will make no difference, it will be too late. Unless we as a race, as a civilization, and a species, learn to control our anger, our hurt, our rage. I am by no means saying we need to bury our feelings but we do need to find safe and healthy ways to deal with our emotions and those who we are at odds with.

Killing each other is not the answer.

Safe and happy trails

JM

Kirkwood, MO. 2/07/2008

2008-02-08T14:45:00.000-08:00

Yesterday evening a way too often scene was reenacted right here in the heart of America. For whatever reason it happened, for whatever reasoning the gentleman was using in his obviously not in control state, his only way to resolve things was to take a gun and to start shooting, to take other lives and force those sworn to protect to take his.

In the end, Charles Lee "Cookie" Thornton lie dead in the Kirkwood City Hall, as did four of his five victims, the fifth was dead on the parking lot, his first victim and from whom he acquired his second gun with which he invaded the city council meeting room and began shooting. Two victims are in the hospital, a reporter whose wound was to the hand and the mayor of Kirkwood who has a gunshot wound to the head and has as of right now still not had surgery, why we do not know.

Keepers and I watched our TV as the local news channels reported on the situation, it began around seven in the evening and the information came in, slowly, some of it spilling over to this morning. On our local channel 5 it was obvious the newslady anchor lived in Kirkwood as she fought back the tears of reporting on this tragedy in her home town, a story that we knew tragically involved people she knew.

This morning as I looked on the computer, and there was another similar story, BATON ROUGE, La. (AP) -- A 23-year-old woman killed two fellow students with a .357 revolver in a classroom at a vocational college Friday, then committed suicide, police said.

These stories have become the norm instead of the unusual. In this great country where we sound our trumpet about our civil liberties and freedoms we can count that one about bearing arms in order protect ourselves and our families, those we love. Yet, that freedom also allows the taking of lives as people take that freedom and in their anger, their sorrow, their inbound demons, they take the lives of others and often themselves.

I know not what set these people off, I do know there have been times I would have loved to taken a baseball bat to some people and beat the you know what out of them for what they did to people I love and care for. But I did not.

I know I would have hated myself if I had, no matter how much it was deserved in my view. It is not up to me to punish anyone in that manner, to impart physical harm whether from my own fists, or my baseball bat or a handgun I could have in my possession to protect my home and those I love.

I have no right from God or my fellow man to take another's life without mine or my loved ones being in danger themselves. But, everyday we see and hear more stories like the two above. Here, where you live, anywhere across this country of ours. In large metropolitan areas, in the suburbs, in the country. It has become way to common, too every day, too "normal".

We shake our heads in disbelief but why I do not know. We should be getting used to this by now,
it happens everyday, over and over and over. Lives are taken indiscriminately. Futures are lost. Parents, children and loved ones are taken away in a second never to be held again. What could have been no longer can be. The expectations and hopes are now buried with the bodies of the victims and yes even the assassins. Anyone who was touched by or associated with the players in these dramas are forever tainted and disillusioned to some degree.

What we do to ourselves is beyond my comprehension. May God have mercy on us.

JM

Something is Wrong In the State of Missouri

2008-01-24T12:07:00.000-08:00

Keepers have been waiting 7 long years from when they first reported their former therapist to the State Committee of Psychologists for inappropriate and unprofessional behavior. Seven long years of him asking for and receiving at least 3 continuances, then the dispositions, the state investigators asking questions, the former therapist still contacting keepers, trying to talk them out of their suit, then the assistant Attorney General telling them how important it was to see this through, going to the state capital for the hearing which he did not even show up for!! Why you ask? Because his attorneys told him he had no chance of winning, the evidence was overwhelming. Even after the hearing it took another 7 months just to get the formal decision, guilty on 4 counts, then another wait for the discipline hearing in December of this past year and then another 6 weeks of waiting for the final discipline. The Attorney General told us they were asking that he be severely sentenced, and today we received the official sentence, 3 years suspended license and 5 years probation. His suspension is less than half the time keepers waited for this entire process to take.
Then he can go back to seeing patients. No mention of any other limitations, none whatsoever.

What follows is my letter to the Executive Director of the Committee:

Pamela G

Executive Director

Missouri State Committee of Psychologists

3605 Missouri Blvd.

P.O. Box 1335

Jefferson City, Mo. 65102-1335

Dear Ms. G

This is to advise you and the State Committee of Psychologists that the 17 years of inept
and devious therapy, which was upheld in testimony of my wife and the expert witness, as well as the 7 years of waiting while Mr. F got continuance after continuance because things were not convenient for him, has in my opinion, not been fairly evaluated in his disciplinary hearing.

What he has received, in my opinion, is a slap on the wrist and is in no way commensurate with what he did or what his actions did or what his intent was. I am severely disappointed in the final outcome and at this point in time see little benefit in what my wife has gone through to see this entire process to it’s climax.

To her credit she never gave up, she believed in justice prevailing, and we knew in our hearts she was not the only patient he gave inadequate services to and assumed the state would take that into consideration in their investigation but it appears we were wrong.

When one considers that he did not even show up to defend himself because his attorneys advised he could not win, and this is the extent of the discipline, I can see why he did not bother, with discipline like this one can return quite soon and be back behind the desk handing out inadequate therapy in just a few years.

I have no questions, only regret. At least my wife can hold her head high, and be respected and applauded by her peers for standing up and trying to right a wrong . . .

can the committee?

Sincerely

John W

Georgia football great Herschel Walker has multiple personalities

2008-01-19T12:00:00.000-08:00

ATLANTA - Georgia football great Herschel Walker has multiple personalities - a revelation in an upcoming book that surprises the man who coached the 1982 Heisman Trophy winner.



Legendary Georgia running back Herschel Walker has multiple personalities.

"That's all news to me," former Georgia coach Vince Dooley said in Friday editions of The Atlanta Journal-Constitution. "All I know is whatever personality he had when he had the football was the one I liked."

"Breaking Free" will chronicle Walker's life with multiple personality disorder, according to Shida Carr, a publicist at Simon & Schuster.

Carr said the book will be published in August, but gave no other details and declined to provide excerpts.

In three seasons at Georgia, Walker led the Bulldogs to a 33-3-1 record, three straight Southeastern Conference championships and the 1980 national title. He won the Heisman as a junior, then left school a year early to sign with the now-defunct U.S. Football League.

Walker played for the Dallas Cowboys, Minnesota Vikings, Philadelphia Eagles and New York Giants. He has lived in Dallas since his playing career ended.

A former Georgia teammate also was caught off guard by Walker's revelation.

"I'm probably one of his closest friends and that's news to me," said Frank Ros, who was captain of Georgia's 1980 national championship team. "I knew he was working on a book but I just thought it was about football. He does 100 things at once and always has projects going on, but that blows me away."

The newspaper said Walker could not be reached for comment.

Multiple personality disorder, also known as dissociative identity disorder, is a rare mental condition in which one person has two or more distinct personalities, according to the Merck Manual of Medical Information.

I put this here with no other knowledge of the situation other than seeing this headline. It is my hope that with a celebrity personality more attention will be brought to the fact of what MPD/DID is and what needs to be done. I only hope it is positive attention.

happy trails

JW

JM and Keepers Korner's Wishes to Our Friends and Visitors

2007-12-31T13:51:00.000-08:00

To all of our friends and visitors Keepers and JM would like to offer these wishes for each of you in 2008:

continued personal growth

friends who understand and care

T’s who get it

family that takes time to listen and really hear you

less painful memories and many more good ones being created

less stress and more joy

more friends and less enemies

more healing and less pain

time to do what makes you happy

significant others in your life to share life with

to realize you deserve good things and are worthy of them

to be accepting of all your parts and to love your littles

protect your littles

be happy, be respected, be loved

You are all so very special to us and we wish you the best in 2008

peace and blessings

Keepers and JM

Switching Time

2007-12-22T19:36:00.000-08:00

Switching Time

The above link is to a book titled Switching Time, written by a psychiatrist it chronicles his therapy with a woman with 17 personalities. I have not read the book, and I will not comment on the review, part of it may well be triggering so if you want to click on the link and read it do so at your own risk. My point is the end of the review which holds what I consider to be a critical point for the survival and healing of anyone with multiplicity or is an avbuse survivor without the multiplicity, and I quote:

With her loving interest, Overhill's grandmother gave her a tiny spark of certainty — no matter how deeply buried — that she was lovable and worthy of respect.

These are critical to healing, to realize they are lovable and worthy of respect. They must believe it, and for them to believe it someone has to show them they feel that way about them. In this recounting of this ladies healing, it was her grandmother who showed her that, in Keepers life I hope it was I, and for everyone else out there who is on this healing journey, I pray someone who sees that in them will let them know that. Keepers and I often tell people that, but as someone on the other end of a phone or a keyboard, can they believe us? I don't know.

If you know someone who is on this path, please let them know you believe it to be true also, that they are lovable and that they are worthy of respect. To do that you may well give the most wonderful Christmas present ever.

Peace and blessings to all

JM

The Spirit of Christmas

2007-12-19T18:46:00.000-08:00

The following true story was told to us today by a very dear friend, and we were so touched we asked her to write it and with her permission, allow us to post it so others can read a true Christmas story.

My Christmas Story

We are creatures of habit for the most part–all humans are. We tend to stick to routines. There’s a certain amount of comfort in following a routine–knowing what to expect and when to expect it. You may take the same route to work every day and find yourself behind the same car at the same stop light on most days. The only reason you might notice this car amid hundreds of others is because of a funny bumper sticker or unique license plate. You see the same school bus and the same group of kids waiting for that bus–and the only day you might notice the bus or the kids is if you have to stop for the blinking red lights on that bus and wait for those kids to load up so you can be back on your way.

On the days that I work, I leave my house at the same time and follow the same route. I am usually behind a silver Toyota Camry with a Butler High School decal on the trunk. I have noticed that whenever she is behind me, she takes the first opportunity to get in the left lane and pass me–so she always ends up in front of me. Today I noticed she had two new Christmas decals on either side of the usual orange Butler bulldog paw. Not a big thing to notice, but something different that caught my eye. It won’t be far up the road before she slows our lane of traffic down to make a right turn into a small development. In my mind, I wave goodbye and say “I’ll see ya tomorrow.”

There is somebody else I’ve noticed from time to time. A little boy, about 9-years-old, waiting at a bus stop out in front of one of those pay-by-the-week motels just around the corner from my office. Sometimes I see his mother waiting with him and sometimes I imagine she gets him to the bus stop and heads to work herself. I have found myself wondering how it is that they ended up living there. The mother looks like she’s had a hard life and when looking at her for the brief moments as I pass by, I wonder if she’s running from something or someone.

I live in the south where it doesn’t get terribly cold and we rarely see snow. But it gets cold enough. Yesterday the temperature was 22 degrees when I left my house. I had to scrape a good layer of frost off my windshield before I could leave home and I was thankful I had remembered my gloves. Today the temperature was a bit warmer at 38 degrees, but it was raining…a cold rain. Both days I have noticed this little boy more than usual because he was not wearing a coat of any kind. All he had on against the cold and rain was a sweatshirt. Today he was jumping up & down and shaking himself trying to stay warm as the rain continued to come down on him.

I was only blocks away from work and I began to cry. I knew today had to be different–not only for me but for that little boy. In the next few minutes I had a plan.

When I got to work, I immediately went into my supervisor’s office and told her I had an idea that I wanted to tell her about. We hadn’t yet made any definite plans for an office Christmas party and we usually get each other something frivolous that we don’t really need. I was still crying as I told her about this little boy without a coat in the cold & rain. I asked her if we could bypass those $5 & $10 gifts this year and instead pool the money together to get this little boy a coat, hat & gloves. I could see how touched she was as she reached into her wallet and pulled out some money. I went around to several other coworkers and many were no longer dry eyed and all of them willingly donated—some giving me all the cash they had in their wallets at the time.

I work for the corporate office of a small retail company. We have 6 stores in the area and we sell shoes, boots, dancewear, horse equipment and even some outerwear. So when I approached the boss, he told me he would give me some gloves for the boy and that would be his donation. A short while later, he called me back to the warehouse and he had a selection of coats he had pulled out. He told me to pick one that I thought would fit the boy and he would sell it to me at his cost (which is roughly ½ of the retail price). He said he’d rather do that & see the kid get a really nice coat than to have me go to a discount store and pay more money for a cheaper coat. I picked a nice one out of the pile…a Wrangler coat with flannel lining and a hood. He later brought the pair of gloves he had promised me to my desk so all that was left to get was a hat. After paying for the coat, I still had $71 of donated money to spend on the little boy. I went to Walmart after work and found a hat and a few sweet treats to put in his gift bag to make it even more special. I also got his mother a box of chocolates and put the remaining $55 on a Walmart gift card for the mother to use for groceries or presents.

My plan was to leave for work early tomorrow morning and try to catch the mother walking her son to the bus stop so I could give them the gift bags since I didn’t want to approach the boy if he was out there by himself. But I also wanted him to have the coat to wear in the morning in case it was bitterly cold once again. I decided to drive to the motel this evening and ask whoever was in the management office if they knew where the little boy who waits out front for the bus lives. I was a bit nervous to knock on someone’s door like this, but I wanted him to have his coat before morning. As I pulled into the driveway of the motel, this boy & his mother were walking towards me. They were headed out for dinner I assume. The boy had a short sleeve shirt on and the sun was going down. I quickly did a U-turn and pulled up behind them and opened my window. I had to holler a bit for the woman to hear me over the noise of traffic. I got her attention and she stopped to talk to me. I got out of my car and asked her if this was her little boy and if he was the one I see at the bus stop every morning. She hesitantly answered yes and then wanted to know why I was asking. I told her that I see him every day and I was worried that he had no coat–especially these last two days when it was so cold. I told her that my coworkers and I wanted to do something for them for Christmas and since I had no idea if she would be offended or not, I asked her to please accept the gifts in the spirit that they were being given. She said that he did have a coat but that it is at her other son’s house and they have no way to get it. I told her that she didn’t have to worry about that any longer, as I handed him the giant bag filled with the warmth that every child deserves. She began to cry…and I did too. As I handed her the small gift bag with the chocolates and gift card, she hugged me and thanked me. As she stepped back, I felt two small arms around my waist and I looked down to see this little boy with his arms wrapped around me. I hugged him back and wished him a very Merry Christmas.

I look forward to my drive to work tomorrow-I hope to see him at the bus stop, wearing his new coat. I still don’t know his name, and they don’t know mine…and that’s the way it should be. My routine was broken today and I’m so thankful for that. By giving him the gift of a warm coat, I can now truly feel the warm spirit of Christmas all around me.

-bjy-
12/19/07

Thank you for sharing bjy, and for living the spirit of Christmas

The Pink Dress

2007-10-27T20:45:00.000-07:00

I want to thank our wonderful friend Pastor Brown for sending this to us. A lot of things get passed all over via the internet, this is one we were really glad to receive, hope you enjoy it also.

The Pink Dress

There was this little girl sitting by herself in the park.

Everyone passed by her and never stopped to see why she looked so sad.

Dressed in a worn pink dress, barefoot and dirty, the girl just sat and watched the people go by.

She never tried to speak.

She never said a word.

Many people passed by her, but no one would stop.

The next day I decided to go back to the park in curiosity to see if the little girl would still be there.

Yes, she was there, right in the very spot where she was yesterday, and still with the same sad look in her eyes.

Today I was to make my own move and walk over to the little girl.

For as we all know, a park full of strange people is not a place for young children to play alone.

As I got closer I could see the back of the little girl's dress.

It was grotesquely shaped.

I figured that was the reason people just passed by and made no effort to speak to her.

Deformities are a low blow to our society and, heaven forbid if you make a step toward assisting someone who is different.

As I got closer, the little girl lowered her eyes slightly to avoid my intent stare.

As I approached her, I could see the shape of her back more clearly.

She was grotesquely shaped in a humped over form.

I smiled to let her know it was OK; I was there to help, to talk.

I sat down beside her and opened with a simple, "Hello."

The little girl acted shocked, and stammered a "Hi " after a long stare into my eyes.

I smiled and she shyly smiled back.

We talked until darkness fell and the park was completely empty.

I asked the girl why she was so sad.

The little girl looked at me with a sad face said, "Because, I'm different."

I immediately said, "That you are," and smiled.

The little girl acted even sadder and said, "I know."

"Little girl," I said, "you remind me of an angel, sweet and innocent."

She looked at me and smiled, then slowly she got to her feet and said,
"Really?"
"Yes, you're like a little Guardian Angel sent to watch over all the people walking by."

She nodded her head yes, and smiled.

With that she opened the back of her pink dress and allowed her Wings to spread, then she said "I am."

"I'm your Guardian Angel," with a twinkle in her eye.

I was speechless -- sure I was seeing things.

She said, "For once you thought of someone other than yourself. My job here is done".

I got to my feet and said, " Wait, why did no one stop to help an Angel?"

She looked at me, smiled, and said, "You're the only one that could see me," and then she was gone.

And with that, my life was changed dramatically.

So, when you think you're all you have, remember, your angel is always watching over you.

Happy and peaceful trails

JM

Huh?

2007-10-20T06:46:00.000-07:00

Adolescents need support during family breakups

By Joene Hendry Fri Oct 19, 4:14 PM ET

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Family breakups take a toll on adolescents, who have high rates of psychological and social problems, including substance abuse, behavioral disorders, anxiety and depression, according to a report in the journal Pediatrics

In addition, the psychological and social distress shown by separated and divorcing parents can play a significant role in their adolescent children's respond to the family breakup, study findings suggest.

"What is the most deleterious for the children is the atmosphere in which the separation occurs and the deterioration of the family relational processes and not the separation in itself," Dr. Christelle Roustit, of the Research Group on the Social Determinants of Health and Healthcare, and Universite Pierre et Marie Curie, Paris, told Reuters Health.

Roustit and colleagues administered questionnaires to 2,346 adolescents, divided into age groups of 13 and 16 years old, who participated in the Social and Health Survey of Children and Adolescents in Quebec, Montreal. In addition, surveys were also completed by 1,983 parents.

Overall, substance abuse, including alcohol, was approximately two-times higher in these adolescents compared with adolescents who were not going through a family breakup. Although seen in both groups, the rate of substance abuse was considerably higher among the 16-year olds.

Oppositional attitudes and behaviors, such as fighting, damaging property and theft were increased in both age groups. While Roustit noted that paternal support helped mediate the association between family breakup and psychological distress, it did not affect oppositional behavior.

Levels of depression and anxiety also were higher than normal in both age groups. In particular, the risk of suicide attempts was three- to four-times higher among 13 year olds, compared with 16 year olds, Roustit said. These behaviors, however, were modified by parental support.

Higher rates of psychological distress reported by parents were linked with adolescent psychological distress as well as the adolescents' acts of defiance, fighting, vandalism, animal cruelty, theft or other violations of the law, but not with adolescent alcohol use or substance abuse.

Adolescent psychological distress in both age groups was also strongly associated with witnessing violence between parents.

Preventing maladjustment disorders among adolescents during times of family break ups, the investigators conclude, may require legal interventions that encourage divorce mediation or joint custody, as well as social interventions that support children and families with their readjustments.

SOURCE: Pediatrics, October 2007.

Huh? I thought all of this was a given. You mean to tell me no one ever realized the effects this stuff had on kids before this report? If so no wonder there are so many people with problems and no wonder so many therapists are no help, they didn't know!!!!!!!

My gosh, and thank the heavens that now they know!! Good Lord I hope they can figure out what to do to help. I can almost imagine that we will see in the news in a week or so that using alternate fuels would cut down our dependence on foreign oil or that Elvis had died or that children under six should not be given cough suppressants, imagine!!

Thank God we have people working on these stories because without their breaking this news to us, where would we be???

I shudder to imagine

Happy trails,

JM

This is Ridiculous!!

2007-10-10T13:29:00.000-07:00

They say the wheels of justice move slowly but this is ridiculous. It isn't even the legal system, it is a State Board of Review but it must have been created by the same people who created our legal system. It takes forever and a day to get anything done from initial complaint to final discipline.

As many of you know, Keepers filed a complaint against a former therapist approximately 7 years ago. Hearing after hearing was postponed as he had this to do or that to do and each time he was granted a rescheduled hearing. Unbeknownst to him Keepers actually got stronger as time went on, and even though there were times they considered dropping it, either a) the Assistant Attorney General reiterated the importance of keepers standing up to this man or b) Keepers themselves regrouped and forged onward.

This past January the hearing finally occurred, and yes he had filed for another continuance, and this time Keepers told the Attorney General's office, it's now or never, we are not going to b eput off again. The continuance was denied, the hearing was held, and he did not show, so the hearing proceeded with all of the testimonies including Keepers.

At that point the Judge stated, he is guilty on these charges.

After the hearing the Assistant Attorney General told us how the process worked from here. We are sure we were not told all because they did not want to exasperate us further or truly did not realize the wheel needed a really good lube job! They now had 30 days to inform him of the findings, he had 30 days to rebut the findings then they got another 15 days to rebut his rebut and then it would go to a panel.... a panel who would review what has transpired up to this point!!

My God in heaven, if Judgement Day is anything like this it will take eternity to find out if we are upward bound or downward bound and that doesn't include continuances!

Anyway, we were told the final findings would be on line so we kept checking day by day, week after week, until I got a wee bit po'd and wrote a letter to the Attorney General asking how they could or would expect others to come forward and file complaints against abusive therapists when this was how it was handled? I never received an answer but within 2 weeks the decision was up on line, a matter of public record! Hoorah, finally, justice is served, yahoo...no...wait a sec...what about the discipline, the punishment for his God awful, not to mention abusive and incompetent (state's word, not mine) therapy? Will we get a letter, will it be public record also, what? Couldn't find anything so yesterday I sent another letter to the State Board asking how we will find out his discipline.

Get this....the board will have another hearing!!!! On December 7th!!!!! The hearing will be to determine his discipline, evidently he can debate his punishment against the board and then...and then...they will deliberate again! There will be no decision on his discipline on that day either. The email response said we would receive a letter from the Board outlining the disicpline levied against him, they did not say how long that will take.

So I ask you, is this ridiculous or not?

We are confident that by the time the discipline is official, available, after debate and such, it will have been at least a year since he was initially found guilty as charged. A year!!! Doesn't that seem to be a wee bit long? Supposedly this man is no longer sewing any patients, but what if he was? What if he is? That means that for 7 years he would have been able to see more patients, do more irreparable harm to others, and that to me seems ridiculous. Forget the 7 years from filing to hearing, once that hearing said he was guilty some sort of restriction should have been placed on his license immediately, it could have been temporarily suspended or some such method put in place to make his contact with any other patients cease until after a final decision was determined and in such cases why shouldn't it be moved up to the front of the line?

When I look at the States website I see eight, 8, cases or complaints against psychologists, psychiatrists since the year 2000, which is the earliest decision we can see. Thus I assume that complaint started in around 1993! Surely the board can speed up the process once the guilty or not guilty decisions come in. I understand they are supposed to be protecting their profession's reputation by reviewing complaints and investigating them, which they did a thorough job of, but for crying out loud let's have some consideration for the victims in these situations and I am not talking about the therapist, I am talking about the patients and their families who are seeking to stop therapists from abusing their power, and make therapy safe for others who need it, not make it a breeding ground for incompetence and egos that are in need of some really good therapy themselves.

If you really want to monitor and insure that your profession is clean and competent, no not competent, excellent, don't prolong what the patients have gone through to ridiculous lengths with your excessively long and endless red tape. That is not fair to the patients, they have already endured the worst your profession can offer, isn't it about time they received the best your profession can offer?

JM

A General Catching Up and Look Forward

2007-10-07T11:29:00.000-07:00

Well it has been several weeks now since the States decision was posted to their website about Keepers former therapist. As I think most of you know he was found guilty of all of the charges and we now await the Boards discipline to be enacted. He may get a slap on the wrist he may get his license removed forever which would only be fair and protective of anyone else he may come across if allowed to continue practicing. On a more personal note his wife has filed for divorce from him and we can only guess how much this had to do with it. What a shame! Yeah right! Sorry but he deserves some crap for all he did.

This entire thing has had its affect on Keepers, sometimes they feel bad in a way, other times they feel he is getting what he deserves, so it is a roller coaster ride that I believe they now see as he was bad, he harmed them, he screwed things up for not just keepers but for the entire family and as such he deserves any punishment he gets, from the state or his wife or his colleagues.

What else is cooking? Little Keeperskorner, one of Katie's goats named after Keeperskorner is now preggers and will have her first babies soon! Keepers were so happy for the good news!! Keepers also get to name them. There are about 6 goats named after different keepers, so thanks again Katie. We will send you some old stuffed animals for the baby goats soon!!

We are trying to get Keepers blog moved back to the website so it is all in one location, Andrzej our webmaster has found 3 software programs he is encouraged by and will delve into them and see which one might be easiest to use to accomplish our goal.

We are getting ready for Christmas at Keeperskorner by beginning to purchase stuffed animals and such to send to little alters at Christmas time. We are also sending out letters asking for donations from companies of discontinued stock or any other items they may be willing to donate that we could use as gifts.

We are concerned for many of our cyber friends who are in so many ways our family now. Several are having health issues of a physical nature along with the multiplicity and or abuse they have survived. Some have had to find new therapists some have had therapists on extended vacations and all of this is very, very troubling and disruptive for them. Some have felt suicidal, some have simply tried to shut down and become a zombie of sorts, none of which works. Keepers have tried to be supportive in every way possible short of giving advice. Ooops, this one piece of advice is given, "contact your T".

We are still getting new visitors to Keeperskorner which is great, being able to talk with and help support new people who are reaching out is super. Some of them just need anyone to listen, some have lost insurance or whatever to pay for therapy and need someone to talk to. Some have a T on vacation or whatever and reach out to us in their alone time. Pastor Brown says this is our calling for now, to help those in need with what keepers and I can give them. He feels there is more coming but he does not know what, but tells us to be ready for it when it gets here!

Weather wise we are in much the same boat as a lot of other people, not enough rain, way below normal and here we are in October, our normal high is about 75 or so, so we are looking temps in the low 90s with high humidity! One of the more respected weathermen here in town is saying we are running a month behind in the weather cycle. We won't get October weather until November and so on. Looks like he is right so far. We have our air on to keep the humidity tolerable and to be able to sleep comfortably, we usually have it off by August or September unless we run into a short term heat up, but this in October is way unusual for us.

Later this afternoon we will blog with one of our dear friends in the UK, it always interesting to talk with her and we know she can use someone to talk to as she has several family members with bad health matters right now and she is trying to be supportive and helpful to one and all, but always puts herself last, so we have to remind her to take care of herself also!! She is one of our oldest friends here on the internet and she is like a sister to Keepers and myself.

Well, nothing else really going on I can think of right now, nothing earth shattering, didn't win the lottery, again, didn't have PCH come our door with a giant check, again, didn't find a parcel full of cash alongside the road, again, so tomorrow it is back to work. Someday I will do all my work here with Keepers in Keeperskorner, I just wish it would be sooner than later, so if anyone out there is really rich and is looking for someone to help benefit with a kindly annual donation, we here at Keeperskorner are your kind of people!!!

To each and every one of you, happy trails!

JM

Six Flags and Little Keepers and JM

2007-09-29T18:27:00.001-07:00

Today, for the first time in little Keepers lives they got to go to Six Flags and be themselves! Big Keepers took a back seat to littles, except when we stopped for a smoke every once in a while or when a call came in on the cell phone, besides that it was little keepers and JM all day long!!

This guy was at the entrance creating these huge bubbles for everyone to admire.

We had so much fun, riding rides, drinking lemonade, taking pictures, laughing, eating funnel cakes, practically walking right onto the rides the first several hours we were there because they just weren't busy yet. The very first roller coaster ride we had our only casualty of the day as keepers hat was taken off their head on the first turn, never to be seen again! As we went by any of the numerous stands there they checked out the hats for a replacement but Terrence found something better in his opinion, see below!

yep!!! Terrence got a Superman cape!!! He will have to share it with Super Terrence but now he has the cape!!

Every ride brought forth a different little laughing and gasping as we rode ride after ride, even some very little keepers came out to squeal in delight at this never before adventure that was theirs to savor, to remember for a lifetime!

I think the Log Flume was their favorite ride overall but if you asked them I think it would be whichever one they just got off of when you asked them. The only disappointment ride wise was the Moon cars were being renovated so the ride was gone. It will be there next year so we will enjoy it then!

View from top of Log Flume:

I would like to thank my employer for making this possible today as the entire finance group was offered this opportunity at Six flags, they paid for our parking, the park admission, a free picture and a free lunch (this was the only downer in this regard, the food was pretty blah, food last year was a lot better!) So we had to stop for our funnel cake earlier than we planned on doing it but it was so darned delish, funnel cake with warm cinnamon apple topping and we left exactly one bite! I asked one of the littles if she was having fun and she heard me but she didn't answer me and I began to laugh which brought out a big asking what was going on and I said I asked if Itty Bit was having fun but she just kept on eating the funnel cake as if to say, "Not now, silly! Can't you see we have a funnel cake to eat!"

Well to make a long story short, after seven hours there it was decided it was time to head home, a super duper time was had by all and it was time. So home we came and guess what...as I write they are on the couch dozing and perhaps dreaming about thier wonderful day at Six Flags, a day for littles.

Happy Trails to all

JM

This Sucks

2007-09-26T04:42:00.000-07:00

Insert your own specific for "This" then see above

jm

No Longer Waiting

2007-09-22T10:31:00.000-07:00

It is here, arrived a few days ago, and there it was in black and white, 16 pages of the State's decision regarding the charges filed against the former therapist of Keepers. I was not home when it got here so Keepers read it and parts of it to me over the phone. It's effects have already been felt here in our home. What is has done in his we do not know nor do I really care. All I know is that on all charges the State of Missouri found him guilty! The State Board of Psychologists will levy the discipline within 30 days, supposedly, but we all know there is red tape and such but we know he is guilty according to his peers, the Attorney General's office, the expert witness and soon it will be on the State's site listing those who have been disciplined and charged with infractions of the licensing committee's standards.

Sadly it had adverse effects on Keepers almost right away. Reading excerpts from evidence brought forth renewed a lot of old feelings, of him telling them their perceptions were all wrong, that they could not exist in the real world, that only he understood them and cared about them, that I was a bad person only using them, that he was a multiple too so only he could "get it".

To say Keepers, especially the littles, were thrown for a loop would be a big understatement. Ever since the document arrived here they have struggled to regain their feelings of worth, of being good, of having value. That was how far reaching his influence over them was and is to some degree. But, they are recovering. Day by day they are getting a little stronger.

They are receiving supportive comments via their blog and email and phone from their fellow multiples who look at them say "you did good" and "you stood up for all of us and won" and "that took guts" and "thank you for being strong enough to go through with this", all valid points, all true comments, all indicative of Keepers friends and "family" who stand by them.

This was seven long years, years full of self doubt, of fear of him, and part of that fear was brought forth in his reply to the decision, he alluded that Keepers had done things that were not proper and that they were allowed certain privileges by the state in their testimony, which is quite interesting since he wasn't even there to hear their testimony since he chose not to appear because as he stated in a letter to the judge, "my attorneys advise that I cannot win this decision so it is fruitless for me to appear". He then "volunteered to retire his license" but the AG said, "no" we want to prosecute so we can take away his license. It seems if he voluntarily gives it up he could come back and request it be reinstated after some amount of time and the state would have no reason not to. This way that avenue is closed to him. Way to go AG!

In review, he "is subject to discipline because in his treatment of a patient, 1) he wrote a letter of a sexual nature to the patient 2)he reinforced the separateness of her multiple personalities 3) he failed to maintain appropriate boundaries between himself and Keepers 4) his primary focus in his therapy was abreactive work which was inappropriate and could have harmed the patient."

That is it in a nutshell, the 16 pages provide some of the backup for their findings. Some of that was what triggered littles especially. Since then I am trying to reinforce that there was nothing in the 16 pages that said keepers did this wrong or that wrong, everything was on what he did wrong. In addition to his not showing up for the hearing he did not sign his rebuttal. The State board made note of this saying that in their attempts to discern the truth they often have to weigh each persons testimony and decide who they feel is being truthful, his not showing up nor even signing his rebuttal made all of his comments irrelevant in his support and in fact he did corroborate much of what Keepers testified to so the evidence was overwhelmingly against him.

I am very proud of Keepers for not giving up on this procedure, I know it has hurt in many ways, it tore their hearts apart in many ways. They felt used, abandoned, neglected, tricked, you name it. But, they stood up, they went there, they testified and in so doing they won the respect of the judge, the expert witness the assistant Attorney General and many of their internet friends as well as Pastor Brown and myself. This was not easy for them to do. They were hit with more repercussions when that 16 page doc got here. When the discipline is announced that may well trigger more feelings and reactions. All I know is that I hope they are proud of themselves, they deserved to be heard, by authorities, and they were! Their littles now know that the older keepers do care and will do all they can to protect them. They know now that there are people who believe them, people who care about how they are treated and who really respect them.

Keepers and I hope that this man will never have the opportunity to harm a patient again, that others who have been through similar circumstances may well find the strength to report an abusive and harmful therapist if they have one. We also hope that once the annual list of license revocations is put out there and the posting is made of the findings that other T's may reconsider how they treat their patients and correct any bad behaviors they may have for their sakes and most importantly for the sake of their patients.

How often reporting a person in authority to a state licensing committee or board works I do not know, but we do know now that it can work, and that gives me reason for hope after all.

Congrats to Keepers for doing the right thing, for seeing it through, you did good!!!!

Happy trails from here on out!!!

JM

Waiting to See It in Black & White

2007-09-14T18:10:00.001-07:00

As many of you regulars may well know, Keepers filed a complaint against their therapist of 17 years, about 7 years ago. We were notified by the lawyer from the AG office just a few days ago that the decision is final, he was found guilty on all five charges put forth in the complaint. We are waiting for the paper copies of the decision to get here so we can read it for ourselves!

This past January we travelled to our state capitol so keepers could testify in the often postponed hearing. That had happened 3 or 4 times. Unbeknownst to the former T everytime he got it postponed he was in fact doing himself in because keepers were getting stronger and more determined as time went by.

We met with the lawyer from the Attorney General's office a couple of times before the hearing and were told he may not show up for the hearing after all. Seems he had tried to get this one rescheduled also but this time Keepers told the AG lawyer that if it was cancelled again they would not testify, that 7 years of this was more than enough. They conveyed that to the judge and the judge agreed, no more postponements!

So, on the day of the hearing, the judge was there, the AG lawyers were there, the expert witness was there the state investigator was there and we were there. The lawyer for the AG and the expert witness, who keepers spoke with for about 20 minutes before the hearing, were very supportive of keepers, they did all they could to reassure her all would be just fine. If he did show up they would do all they could so he did not harass or frighten the littles on the stand.

The judge waited for 15 minutes past the scheduled start time, since the T had not shown up yet. When the judge began they read a letter from the T, stating he may not be there because "keepers were too fragile and he wanted to do what was best for keepers", yeah right, and then he added that "he had been advised by two lawyers he had employed that he stood no chance of winning! Maybe with appeals and more time he could get it overturned but they both said "you will not win". I think that means we had way too much evidence against him, which we gave to the AG, the investigator came up with some of his own and then the "expert" witness added his two cents worth that in his opinion the T had done nothing short of manipulation, deception and impeded the recovery of keepers. for 17 years for his own twised reasons.

Pretty strong stuff! He was found guilty on 5 separate charges, to be honest I do not remember the wording of the charges. The AG recommended the most stringent penalties be set forth. That comes from the State Psychological Board in about 30 days. We can onl7y pray that they will see fit to honor the AG suggestions and recognize the harm this man caused in his 17 years and even thereafter. There are things keepers may never recover from. The brainwashing he did to them is not completely undone, some of the things he convinced them of are still not "undone". The effect he had on keepers relationships with me and our children and other therapists will never go away. Keepers and I have worked through many of ours. They would never see another T I am sure.

Whatever his punishment, or discipline as they want to call it, is, it will not be enough. I spoke with the T who helped Keepers file their complaint those 7 years back, I left her a message that he had been found guilty on all 5 charges. She called me today, happy to hear that but wondering what the discipline will be. In her opinion he belongs in jail. What he did to keepers emotionally, physically, mentally, and to their relationships with others was that serious, that destructive, the heinous.

There was many a time I wanted to take a baseball bat to this person but I was always afraid I would get caught and keepers would have no one at their side. Sort of the same way I felt about all of her abusers, take a baseball bat to them and whale the crap out of them. Maybe the state will use their bat on him.

He deserves it.

Happy trails to all of the rest of you

JM

The Return of Wendys

2007-09-12T19:37:00.000-07:00

We have been without a Wendys for about a year and a half now. All of the ones in the greater metro area were owned by one person and they all went out of business at the same time, and in a hurry. This past weekend the one right down the road from us has reopened, and I kid you not, you cannot get close to the place!

We just drove by there, it was about 9:15 PM and there were cars in the drive thru completely encircling the restaurant. The inside was full. We are beginning to wonder if they are giving away free food or paying people to come back. Surely there weren't that many people who missed it to the point of waiting in line for God knows how long! Is there?

This weekend we drove by it 3 or 4 times, and every time it was jam packed! To be honest, keepers and I like Wendy's food, when it is hot and prepared correctly it is pretty good, especially for fast food and we would both take it over Mickey D's anytime or Burger King.
But, we won't spend 30 minutes waiting for a chance to order a burger and fries no matter how good it is.

So I wonder, why do people wait in an extremely crowded parking lot or drive thru for a burger and fries or a baked potato or a frosty? Am I missing something? Is this the part of America I am supposed to be a part of and just can't get it? When we used to go out with our children for a meal, which was most of the times we got together with our son and his family, they had no problem waiting 45 minutes or longer at a restaurant waiting for a table. I could never see it. I could understand it even less when the food was overpriced and usually not very tasty at all on top of waiting for what seemed like forever for less than average food.

If keepers and I go into a restaurant and they say we have a wait of over 15 minutes, we go somewhere else. We cannot see any reason to wait when it always exceeds the time they say it will be and if they are that busy the service is often poor and the food prepared sloppily or takes forever and is often messed up in some manner.

I will not tip poor service or poor food and I will tip for good service and food, I have had a daughter work the restaurant business as a waitress and a bartender and she lived on the tips, not the hourly wage, but that is a separate blog for the future. Anyway, at a restaurant we often visit we had terrible service one night, the food was cold, the appetizers and the main course because the waitress was not paying attention, not because she was busy. Luckily it was pizza for the main so we just took it home heated it up later but the onion rings which are normally stupendous there and the cheese garlic bread were both lukewarm at best and cooled off fast at the table. When we left I did not tip her at all. As we approached our car on the parking lot the owner followed us out of the restaurant and asked us, did we forget to tip our waitress or what?
This was the first time this had ever happened to me but I told him, the service was terrible which in turn caused the food to be cold very fast and that we could not even get her to refill our drinks, we got another waitress to do it. He knew we were regulars, not real often but enough that he remembered us. He apologized for her service, or lack of, and we told him, we have been coming here for years and this was the first time I ever did this, and how we loved their food and atmosphere. Ever since then, and this was a good 5 years ago, he always comes by our table and asks us how we are and how is the food and such. We always get good service and we imagine he tells whoever is waitressing us that if they want their tip, they had best deserve it.

So how in the hell did I get to tipping from Wendys, beats me!!! All I know is now I am hungry! Got some chicken wings thawing out for later, will throw them in the wing fryer made for hotwings and keepers and I will have a snack before we head for bed. Or I guess I could run down to Wendy's....nah.

Happy trails

JM

A Dream Come True

2007-09-02T18:22:00.000-07:00

Well, to say that yesterday was an awesome day would be an understatement. Yesterday keepers and I fulfilled several dreams in one day on a special day. It was our anniversary so we did three things , we had our house and studio blessed by Pastor Brown, after that we held a small service in our office and renewed our wedding vows and our commitment to each other, after 37 years we finally renewed our vows and then we had an adoption ceremony, service, where Pastor blessed our adoption of the little keepers into the family of myself and big keepers. Now, all keepers feel as though they belong, none are just tagging along because an adult keeper married me, we are all family and as such we have a new bond, even stronger than before!

Here are some pictures for those who are interested:

here is the office at Keeperskorner, we used the desk for the flowers and unity candle.

here is a picture of keepers roses, i am sorry to say i have not keepers many in our marriage but i know these were very special to them.

this is the vase for little keepers flowers, they wrote their names on it and now the artificial flowers will be a remembrance vase for them to always have. Oh yes I almost for the lolly bouquet!!

this is Beth, below getting ready to place her flowers and some of the littles she cares for, thier flowers in the vase

keepers and me after the ceremonies and before we headed to a fine Mexican restaurant with pastor Brown for a delicious supper

Pastor Brown and Keepers after the ceremonies

Little Keepers vase after everyone put their flowers in

I really feel that keepers and I are even stronger than before, closer than before, more dedicated to each other and keeperskorner than ever before. Pastor Brown was the first clerical person we found who understood and accepted keepers multiplicity and our desire to have big keepers and me adopt all of the little keepers and make all keepers a part of our family in the eyes of God. Little Keepers have a peace they have never known before, that alone makes it all worthwhile and very precious.

To all of the Keepers, thank you for allowing and wanting me in your lives and for giving me the chance to love you, ALL of you.

Always

JM

A Dream

2007-08-26T19:33:00.000-07:00

Keepers and I have a dream, that someday soon I will be able to work here at the studio with them on a daily basis instead of needing to work at a regular 8-5 job and helping in the evening. It has been our dream for quite a while now. It is a big dream we know, and to many it is probably unrealistic, but we had a lot of other dreams that were also, but they have come through. Some did not for various reasons. Like becoming a 501 (c)3 charitable organization due to IRS rules and regulations that would have required us to change our site drastically and our gift giving methods. So we chose to remain a Missouri recognized not for profit and leave it at that.

We hoped to build the studio and the office for Keeperskorner and we have now! The studio has a drafting table, a large wooden easel, computers, printer, and the office has a huge wooden desk and file cabinets and shelves and then we have a storage room with more art supplies, paper, the mat board cutter for preparing Keepers framed art, all has become a reality.

At time we ourselves doubted it could happen but we decided a year ago this past July to make it our ministry, for multiples and survivors, to be a source of hope, instruction, information, friendship, and caring. We have met a great many people through Keeperskorner, many of those people live in other countries, and we have learned about them and their countries and their habits and customs, some are different and some are similar, and all have been interesting and friendly, hopeful and in doubt, struggling and thriving, as we all are at one time or another.

Our dream is continuing onward, some steps seem to be excrutiatingly slow and awkward and others seem to be rapid and awe inspiring. Our personal dreams and our dreams for Keeperskorner are very much intertwined, and we feel on some days to be failing and on others to be succeeding, and the frustration can be offset by joy and the happiness by sorrow. We have lost friends over disagreements, due to death, and we ache for those we lost and treasure those we have. We pray for all and keep them in our hearts and thoughts.

Keepers continue to offer their experiences for others to look at and compare and draw from, to take what they can use to help themselves on their road to recovery. Sometimes I am asked for my viewpoint from the vantage of being the significant other, more or less an outsider due to being a singleton, and when I can I do. It is a teamwork here, not only between keepers and myself but between us and our visitors, our friends, our, what I can only call, family. There is a closeness, a bond, an affinity that only family can perceive, and I am not talking blood family, but family of circumstance and experience, of people who understand a commonality they share, a need they all have, a road they are all on, walking it together, with different people at different times, but all on the same journey, a journey of healing and recovery and yes, I do daresay, thriving.

Happy trails

JM

One Week From Today

2007-08-25T17:09:00.000-07:00

One week from today keepers and I will officially be the same family! Every keeper from baby right on up will be family with me. We will have our ceremony presided over by Pastor Brown, and we will all sign a Family License for all to see, hanging right here in the Keeperskorner studio, so that littles especially can look up and see it and know they are are a part of this family.

A few days ago Jennifer asked me if she was going to be a part of the family and if not she understood. I could only reassure her that she was definitely wanted in the family, that I had no intention of leaving any keeper out! Even now after 30 some odd years many of them feel as though they are not wanted, not accepted or just hangers on because of them being a part of the entire group of keepers. I hope and pray this ceremony and license will finally let them all know how much I want them all to be a part of the family. How much I love each of them, respect each of them, want each of them to feel wanted and accepted and respected and loved and not only loved but liked.

I think that is why our marriage has succeeded and thrived and next week will be our 38th year, because love is not enough, you have to like the partner(s) also, if you like them and love them I think the respect comes along. Just loving someone, in my opinion, is not enough, you have to like them also.

Keepers have some painful days to get through before our ceremonies next week, our son's birthday tomorrow and our granddaughter's birthday next Friday, so I know their hearts will be aching, a mother's heart is much more fragile in that way I believe.

Anyway, one week from today we will have reached a milestone, those I married and all those who will be "adopted" into our family! Welcome to all keepers, you always were, but now it will be official so you can know it and see it and feel it. I am sorry it took so long, maybe we had to find the right person to officiate, and I think we do have that person now. Pastor may not understand all of the multiplicity and what it entails, but he is trying to learn, he is open minded, and he cares, he really cares about all of us and we for him. As far as he is concerned, him, keepers and me are family, and I think he is right!

Happy Trails!

JM

What Do You Do?

2007-08-12T10:26:00.000-07:00

What do you do when the one person you love more than life itself is not happy, is not fulfilled, is a victim of evil and hatred and you can do absolutely nothing to help? What do you do when their dream is slowly crumbling in front of them? What do you do when you see their dream, which was actually coming through, fall apart? Not just one dream but several, one after another. What do you do?

Everyday I get up and go out the front door knowing full well they have nothing to get up for. They have no one to see, no one to visit, they are alone. Yes, they have people they call, and they IM and they email but they have no one to see face to face, no one to hug in friendship. They had a website, created to offer their artwork and poetry and articles and links to other multiples so they too could find help, support and information that may offer them the strength to go on, to continue on their journey of healing. Then the site was corrupted, we had to start over, then the blog on the site was no longer supported by the software creators so we had to move the blog offsite and now, the site's number of visitors is decreasing rapidly. Why? Are websites passe? Do only blogs garner visits on the internet? Are there no more multiples looking for information or loved ones of multiples looking? Or significant others either?

I have been visiting other website lately, trying to get some clues, I have even sent emails to sites we have links to to see if they have blogs now, and if they have noticed a decline in visits.
I have also been searching for new sites also. It seems from what I can gather so far is that sites in general are not being updated unlike keepers korner, they do not have blogs, unlike keepers korner, and as best I can tell, no one is answering their emails.

The attacker also killed their ability to paint, to draw to write and nothing I do can restore it. Maybe, just maybe if and when the state ever gets it's red taped ass moving and finally finalizes
the discipline and judgement in their case against the former therapist those things will be restored. It has been way too freakin' long, they gave their testimony in January and this is August, seven months later, seven months and still nothing. That is pathetic. I will be sending a letter to the State Attorney General tomorrow, because this is ridiculous, especially when they say they need more people to come forward in cases like this, and yet they let these people, the victims, hang there for years waiting for closure.

It is just the same old shit coming from somewhere else.

What do you do?

happy trails

JM

Hidden Faces

2007-08-05T12:20:00.001-07:00

Hidden within are pictures, of faces, partial faces, and who knows what else? See what all you can find.

Happy trails to all

JM

I See . . .

2007-08-04T19:12:00.001-07:00

The bridge disaster in Minneapolis just brings to the forefront our countries lack of funding for our very own infrastructure. Our bridges are in terrible shape and more of this will happen, our children and women are not protected from abusive people, our prisons are overcrowded and need to house even more, which in turn makes me wonder, where are we heading? Our health care is a shambles, costs are exceeding incomes, foreclosures are up, and the middle class is not growing, it is disappearing.

Do I have answers? No, I wish I did, but I do see what isn't working. I do see big companies, corporations, gobbling up more and more companies and corporations, I see foreign based companies gobbling up what was US based corporations.. and eventually where will we be?

I see my income not rising enough to meet cost of living year after year, I see medical costs so prohibitive we avoid medical care, I see insurance costs so high but we cannot afford to get medical care because of what is not covered. I see people eating less so they can pay their electric bills, I see people being approved for loans they cannot afford, i see children just now growing up that I thank God I am not them, because I would have no hope.

Sorry for the negative blog but sometimes the bad things are piled so high the good things are blocked from site. Oh I still have the love of my life and our friends but I see little to be hopeful for the world itself. I see global warming and massacres in foreign countries, genocide in others and I still see racial discrimination everywhere from one race to another. I see churches that still cover up the abuse their clergy participates in, I see nations that still promote female mutilation and countries where dictators rule with iron fists and do as they please to their fellow countrymen.

I see mothers walk away from their children for a fix, or babysitters selling those they are supposed to be protecting to their own boyfriend for his sick perversions, I see .... I see too much I don't like, too much I cannot change instantly or even in my lifetime, I see a whole hell of a lot that needs to be changed and I have no idea what to do about it, except pray we wake up.

happy and safe trails to all of you

JM

another window another door

2007-07-17T18:24:00.000-07:00

as things happen we sometimes wonder where we are heading to...how will we work around this roadblock...how will we ever do that or help them....and then, somehow, someway...something comes along, it may be new...it may be something we never saw or realized before or it may be something completely new to us...but whatever it is it helps us accomplish that which we felt we could not.

a children's book titled knots on a counting rope helped keepers see what they and their littles were going through and also made the bigs realize what they had to do to help the littles. isn't it amazing how something as seemingly insignificant as a children's book could provide the secret to recovering? to regaining ones strength...to realize what one must do...too see what one is doing and accomplishing!

so you see, when all seems lost somehow or insurmountable just look around and open your eyes to all of the possibilities that are there, and do not restrict yourself to the easily and highly visible because you may be overlooking things that really could help you see that new path to take to get around the newest obstacle in your path.

they say when one window or door is closed God opens another, sometimes we just can't see them right away...something to do with not being able to see the forest because of all of the trees that are in the way.

happy and safe trails to all of you

JM

Supporting Keepers

2007-07-16T15:14:00.001-07:00

Keepers just wrote a blog reclaiming their lives and their little ones. All I can say is bravo and I am with you 115%! Whoever this person is they need to see that we are reporting all of their threats, that we refuse to kowtow to their lies and misinformation and that we will do everything we can to protect the little keepers and to let them know they are loved.

Whoever this person is, they need help, they need counseling, they need help. They are living in a world of their own creation, one that is no where near reality. Somehow, someway they need to realize this and get help to deal with it.

To them I say keepers and I will go on with Keeperskorner because it is the right thing to do. Keeperskorner helps people. We feel Keeperskorner is what we are supposed to be doing at this point in our lives and the feedback we get from other multiples and survivors says the same thing. We have the support of our local police department, of our Pastor, of the Attorney General's office and a whole lot of friends and family from here in our home state to countries half way round the world.

This is the right thing to do.

peace and blessings

JM

Great Distances

2007-07-07T16:06:00.000-07:00

Over the last year keepers and I have met quite a few people over the internet, some we have IM'd with and emailed and some we have spoken with over the telephone and met none in person. So, when they or we have a crisis, mini or big, sudden or building to a crescendo, it would be so nice if we could hop in the car and drive over and sit with them and be there to help in some manner or vice-versa. That is the frustrating part of meeting everyone, only being able to be there for them over the distance, in spirit only. Maybe it is that way for a reason, I do not know such things.

We know people in Australia, the UK, Canada, Scotland, and India and each relationship is long distance. Like I said, though maybe there is a reason, maybe it is how the big plan is laid out. To be there for people, more or less blind, no perceptions of them except in your own mind. We do know how some look, at least from the neck up because they have kindly sent us a picture for our Wall of Wonderful, but even that can be forgotten when the voice on the other end of the phone line is in trouble. Granted, keepers are the main focal point with the other multiples and abuse survivors but I do IM with some and maybe talk on the phone with them if I answer but for the most part it is keepers sharing their experiences, consoling them, and sometimes they are the ones being consoled.

Point is, no matter how great the distance, no matter how different the time zones, we all try to do the best we can for each other. We often talk of meeting somewhere, sometime and whether it happens or not there are definite friendships being made and nurtured each and every day. A sad point but real point is that we also lose friends, as disease and tragedy strikes everywhere and maybe then, is when the distance sometimes eases the pain just a bit.

We consider ourselves blessed to be able to be a part of these people lives. There are those here we wish we could say the same for but we cannot. That is life and we must accept such things. At least we have these new friends who are in many ways our expanding family, not of blood but of necessity and of caring and of mutual concerns and true friendship.

To all of you no matter where you are, in fact some of you live a matter of hours away from us while others are on the other side of the world, we say thank you for being you and letting us be a part of your lives.

Happy trails

JM

When to fold 'em

2007-07-04T12:12:00.001-07:00

Keepers just wrote a blog about knowing when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em and I couldn't agree with them more. They finally folded for the game they were in, a very painful game that had gone on way too long.

Now it is over.

You have to realize when something is no longer dreamable, when it is just too far gone to ever recover. That is when you fold 'em and find a new game.

That is what we have had to do.

We all have to sometimes, no getting around it. Sometimes the players come around, sometimes they don't, sometimes they get better sometimes they get worse. Sometimes they try to drag you down with them, into some new, twisted game of their choice. We chose not to.

Been in too many of those over the years and we are not interested in getting into any new ones like that or staying in any old ones like that. Life moves on, we play the cards we are dealt, in each game. There is no rules about finding other games. Everyone is encouraged to find a new one if the game they are in is a losing game.

I hope you all can recognize when you are in a game which says, hold or fold, and I pray you can fold if need be, and go find a new game. To all of you who can hold 'em and come out a winner I applaud you.

happy trails

jm

mean and cruel

2007-07-02T18:55:00.000-07:00

I am sorry to admit that i have said things to people at times that was mean and or cruel, not intentionally but more through not thinking before I spoke or wrote and generally as a much younger person. As I have grown older and seen more I often wonder why people in their 30's, 40's and even in their 90's can say so many mean and cruel things to people as if they have absolutely no effect on those they speak to! Are they that clueless that they do not realize the hurt they are inflicting? Are they that ignorant? Or...are they that mean and cruel?

A friend of ours just went through this, when their weight was the butt of their other friends jokes and while they attempted to laugh it off and chalk it up to "well we really are big and fat, so it was true, and we should not be upset when they say something true". it did indeed hurt and hurt deeply. For their "friends" to say that, is to me, boorish behavior on their part.

I have seen older people do this also, my own grandmother will ask "why is she wearing that hat? It looks silly" or "why did she color her hair, it was so much better looking before," or "why are you wearing that and showing off so much skin?" Each of these comments were directed at keepers, in each instance it was said as if only her opinion counted and keepers should change just for her. It is her complete lack of caring about what effects her comments have on people that made me realize, she enjoys being this way.

One of keepers grandmothers was the same way, she would tell family members lies, saying A said B was this or that, then go to B and say did you know A said this about you? then come over to C and say, watch A and B!!! she would laugh as they reacted to her lies!! how mean and cruel can any one person be? I mean abuse that creates multiplicity is indeed horrific but this is abuse also in my opinion.

Writing lies in blogs, blog comments and emails in an effort to hurt are just as abusive and just as mean and cruel, and only goes to prove that the writer is a sick, twisted person who cares about no one but themselves.

Another person is the one who says something offensive and then laughs, as if to say oh this is all a joke, I didn't mean it and in an effort to not make a scene the offended person, laughs along, all the while hurting inside or being angered but none the less, saying nothing in their own defense.

People who make these cruel comments verbally or in text, we have tried to remove from our lives, they are not beneficial to our well being. They are not people we want to be around. There is no reason to put yourself in the direct path of mean and cruel words. We all deserve to be treated with respect and if people cannot do that....so long!

Happy trails to all

John M

Corn and Tomatoes

2007-06-30T17:30:00.000-07:00

June 30, 2007, the first meal of corn and tomatoes for this year, this season of fresh veggies in our area. We have done this for so long, even when we had all the kids at home, when the corn and tomatoes come into season we have meals of nothing but sliced tomatoes and corn on the cob. Tonight was our first this year, and tonight the corn especially was sweet and juicy. It was the mixed variety, white and yellow kernels, simply delicious.

Now the tomatoes we will have on everything. Keepers love cheese and tomato sandwiches, or tomato on a hamburger while I will put sliced tomatoes on just about all kinds of sandwiches, hamburgers, hot dogs, bologna, even a fried egg sandwich, yum!!! We had BLTs this past week and will have them again next week. Ah yes, when these two things are plentiful and in season we will get our fill!

Now where's the watermelon?

peace, blessings and happy trails to everyone

john michael

Movies For a Rainy Day

2007-06-27T18:08:00.000-07:00

Here is a partial list of some of JM's favorite movies to watch on a rainy day or evening: Feel free to throw your comments about these movies my way!

Pirates of the Caribbean

Chicago

Jesus Christ Superstar

Red River

Support Your Local Sheriff

The Shootist

Any Robin Williams Concert

What Women Want

Young Frankenstein

True Lies

Sin City

Terminator

48 Hours

The Rock

Shane

Casino Royale (new Bond movie)

Once Upon a Time in the West

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

A Day at the Races

A Night at the Opera

Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid

There is Family, Then There is Family

2007-06-21T19:56:00.000-07:00

Keepers just wrote a blog today about Family, what is it, why is it, who is it?

In the end after all was said and done they made a very definite point that blood and DNA should not be the all inclusive factors in determining who your "family" is, there are other factors to consider, like loyalty, deserved loyalty not blind loyalty. Honesty, in dealing with people, honesty in doing what you say you will do, honesty in how you treat strangers also. Being supportive, not only when convenient or to your benefit, but when the other person needs your support.

Too many people blindly say "it is my family I have to do this or do that" and that is boloney! When your family is hurtful, or dangerous, or deceitful or hateful or abusive or trapped in addictions, or mean or negative in their behaviors and actions, your family lines must be drawn in order to protect you, and others you love.

Both keepers and I have had to withdraw from many blood family members because they are harmful to us, and to others, and to themselves and no matter what we do they are not changing, they have no desire to, so the relationship had to cease. Other members of our families have done the same thing, because in their opinion it is harmful to them, it is negative to them, it is in their best interest to put space between them and their family. In the end, one must look out for one self and those who cannot protect themselves.

I could write a lot more here, and I probably will in the days coming, but for now let it be stated, we have found so many more people who are not blood or DNA related that we feel so close to, so in line with, so attached to and so cared for that we also care so much for, that we consider to be our family. Your normal standard family, no! But that isn't so bad, when you look at society and what is considered normal now, it is not bad at all. In fact, it is quite a few notches above in my opinion.

Happy trails to all

JM

Eavesdropping

2007-06-13T18:44:00.001-07:00

I have been sitting here working at the computer, listening to keepers talk with another multiple on the phone, a system in a sort of turmoil right now. They have been diagnosed as DID for around a year so it is all very new to them. The different alters are bickering and fighting for time out, time out to journal their feelings, to visit other people, to email people, to read stories and be read stories and other such activities. To even talk to the therapist!

As most of you know, my wife, Keepers, has multiple personalities and she offers contact and such with other multiples via her site and the phone and email and IMing. Being a singleton (me) I cannot identify with all of the feelings simply because I am not a multiple. I can understand some of it having lived with Keepers for over 35 years and only because of all of the exposure I have had would I put out any opinions here about what they are going through.

Keepers have lived in the knowledge of having many within for a very long time having been diagnosed back in 1982, while this system they are talking with has been living with this knowledge for about a year or so. Logically Keepers have some knowledge and experiences they can share and thus offer some insight into what this other system is enduring and what may possibly help them.

I do know that so much of what multiples feel and react to is because of how they were treated as children, it was so horrific and so intense and so long in happening that they themselves treat their inner ones in the same manner. They will ignore, insult, put down, other alters who do not agree with them in any manner. This is what they learned to do, this is what they were taught.
This is what they have to unlearn and undo in order to begin to cooperate together and move forward together.

It is indeed sad to watch as they prolong the hurt to themselves because it is all they know. To believe they deserve better is so foreign to them, to believe anyone would believe them, is so foreign to them, to believe they are lovable in the truest, realist meaning of the word, is foreign to them, and it goes on and on. They literally perpetuate the abuse and the abusive behaviors they were treated with as children among themselves, so much so that their own littles want to go away and hide to avoid the fighting among the alters.

Do I have answers, hell no, I have none, all I have is observances as an outsider. I saw Keepers go through this and like everything else it seems, good old hindsight is so good!! Keepers now can try to explain because of what they went through, have done, have gotten through but at the same time it can be so frustrating because systems that are relatively new in their realization of what they are are so locked in to those old brainwashings of their abusers there is a lot they cannot see or hear.

They do not see they are beating themselves up, they do not see their own little alters feeling so neglected and pushed aside and scared by the fighting among older alters, they do not see or comprehend that they themselves are being disrespectful of each other just as their abusers did not respect them.

So I sit here, eavesdropping, wishing I could offer Keepers and way, a method, a means to get through tot his other system, but I cannot. And I sit here eavesdropping, wishing I could offer some magical words to the other system, to help them really hear and understand what Keepers are trying to get through to them, but I cannot.

So I sit here, eavesdropping, and praying that God is also eavesdropping and that in His way, will help all involved, to see, to hear, to understand, to survive and thrive.

God bless

john michael

A Long Time Between Blogs

2007-06-03T19:16:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I last posted a blog, so long I don't even remember what the last one was about. I had been trying to formulate a rebuttal to the IRS because they said we did not qualify for a 501(c) 3 status as a charitable organization. I called them, spoke with the agent who sent us the letter, for a couple of hours. All to no avail. We do not meet their guidelines and to meet them would eliminate things like the links to other multiples and survivors sites that we have on our website and blogs! We have to let the IRS know way more than is necessary for them to know. We have to find more people to be on our board and to participate in making the decisions for Keepers Korner, so, we are giving up on being classified as a "charitable organization" by the IRS and will be content with being a "not for profit" in the great state of Missouri.

What else? Well our new webmaster is still trying to add a sub menu to the website so we can add pages. The previous webmaster who developed the site did not allow for easy expansion. Previous says no problem, current says not so, and three others we had look at the site, said, no way!! Majority rules, site is not easily expandable. So, the frustration continues.

Next! This morning at 6:03 Owen, our big cat decided it was time for him to walk on keepers and me, meow at keepers and me, climb on us get down from get back up on us, meow at us again, etc etc etc. Of course once we got up he went off and laid down somewhere! Cats!!!! I love 'em but sometimes.............

Serpentine belt on our car almost blew, took it in to get it replaced, not knowing what to expect, and had a relatively nice surprise, the hoses were okay! I figured if the belt is shot the hoses probably are also but they said they were okay and did not need to be replaced! yeah, less money than needed to repair the car.

Keepers have been very busy with several multiples who are having really difficult times right now, I won't go into any details out of respect for their privacy. Let's just say that in my opinion Keepers are doing exactly what Keepers Korner is about, helping them get through what is currently happening, helping them have a voice to vocalize their hurts and fears, being an ear and a shoulder for them to speak to to lean on. This is why Keepers Korner is; why it exists. These people need someone they can turn to and they have found it. Almost daily we receive emails and comments, on the blogs, the website, about the help, the support, the reminder, people have found there, things that help them keep on going. I am proud to be a part of it.

Sports! the Cardinals don't suck as much as they did but they are nowhere near where they should be, but time will tell. Looks like they have no pitching, looks like they have little hitting, and the commitment of the entire team is questionable at this point. I expect a major shakeup after this season but I have been wrong before, hmmmm come to think of it when was I right
about this team? oh well, we all make great managers and general managers from where we sit, right?

Lottery Update!!! Mega millions, still haven't won. Powerball, still haven't won.

Work update! Still work. See above for the Lottery Updates

To all of my visitors here, the visitors to Keepers Korner website and blog, have a wonderful coming week and may all of your wishes come true.

Happy trails pardners

John Michael

Why Is It?

2007-05-18T19:40:00.000-07:00

Why is it that people try to save addicts who don't want to be saved? Over and over again they put them in rehabs and treatment centers and either the addict walks out or waits until they are discharged and then they go back to their addiction, and then the cycle starts over again. How often does the addict do this before people finally realize no one can help the addict until the addict wants help.

Why is it that some people, and I use the word people very loosely, actually enjoy hurting people, both physically and emotionally? I mean, to actually get some sort of high when they know they are hurting someone? I have seen an elderly grandmother stir up crap between two people to watch them go at it, I have watched people pretend to be other people in emails and blogs to intentionally hurt people emotionally. Why?

Why is it that our government does not require a church to file any forms to become a charitable organization yet if we want to be recognized as one to help multiples and abuse survivors we have to file a zillion pages of forms, answer ridiculous questions and jump through hoop after hoop?

Why is it that roses are $9.99 a dozen until a week before Valentine's Day and then they are $35 and the same price gouging on any other holiday? Likewise how can a grocery store sell t-bone steaks for $9.99 a pound and then for $4.99 a pound, that's a $5 diff on the price or Pepsi is #3.50 a twelve pack or the same as $7 a case of 24 and then, voila, it's on sale for 5 12 packs for $10 or $4 a case? Which then brings us back to gas stations, the price jumps at 10 or 20 cent increments but drops in penny increments, why is that?

Why is it that there is more news coverage and more outrage over the pet food contamination than over the plight of children who are abused day in and day out in every imaginable way? or for that matter over spousal abuse?

Why is it the news has less news than ever before, a good portion of it being self promotion and show promotion and sadly terrible news after terrible news?

Why is cable and dish touted as so wonderful? Remember when people were so fed up with commercials on "regular" tv so they welcomed cable and dish, and yet they too have a ton of commercials on their stations many seemingly more than "regular" or "commercial" stations!
Why are the same movies on over and over and over and over?

Why is it that Anna Nicole has been dead for months and she is still being talked about on "news" shows?

Why is it that someone who is considered an excellent baseball player, one of the best to come along in many a year can decline so much in one year? Say for his first 5 seasons he averages 38 HRs and 125 rbis and this year, out of the blue, he is on a pace for 22 HRs and 75 rbis?

Why is it that I write these Why is it blogs? Do these things just bother me and a few others or more than that?

til next time

JM

Mucho Good Mexican Food

2007-05-12T18:15:00.000-07:00

Poor grammar I know but boy was the food excellent! We went to this restaurant the night before keepers testified against their former therapist, in our state capital. The food there was so good and so inexpensive, what a welcome thing that was! When we left they said they had another restaurant near St Louis but we did not know where. Well on one drive back from meeting with Pastor Brown we saw a billboard for their new location, it is about 50 miles from our house.

Today we took a drive out there, around 5 this afternoon, it was my way of telling Keepers happy Mother' Day, just a day early. They had mentioned going there a couple of times since we had seen the billboard but I don't think they ever expected us to go there. We got there before the supper rush so there was no waiting to be seated. We ordered 2 number one combinations and an order of beef nachos to share and 2 Pepsis. They bring the usual salsa and chips for an appetizer and the salsa is okay but on the table they have habanero sauce, both red and green, so we added some green to the salsa, that perked things up real quick!

The nachos are simply chips on a platter, covered with seasoned ground beef and that is covered by melted cheese and I do mean covered! With a lot of both. The combo plates we chose had 2 beef and cheese enchiladas, a beef taco with cheese and lettuce and spanish rice. We add salsa to the taco and to the rice and I spread it on my enchiladas also. At one point keepers ran out of soda, had a few bite with the green habanero sauce and it burnedddddddddddd. Just about then our waiter came by picked up their empty glass and put his hand on their shoulder, "Are you okay?" he asked

They nodded "yes"

He looked her empty glass, her face, then the habanero bottle, "Did you put the green sauce on your enchilada?" he asked

They smiled and said "Yes"

He shook his head as if to say "crazy gringo lady" and went to refill her soda. He was funny.

So we left there with three to go boxes, they had one and a half enchiladas left and some rice, I had two enchiladas and a little rice and about 1/3 of the nachos and it cost us a whopping total of $22.62 tax included. And we will get a late evening snack out of it or lunch tomorrow, either way it will be delicious.

So there you have it, our night out...oh yeah, I forgot we went to Wally world after that a we got them a small Mothers Day cake. Terrence got into that as soon as we got home!!! That's okay, that is what it is for, to each of them I say Happy Mother's Day, I know how much you love your children, I know how you did the absolute best that was possible, I know you will always love them no matter what. You were and are a wonderful Mom.

Love

JM

More Ramblings

2007-05-01T19:42:00.000-07:00

May 01, 2007 so what is new? Cardinals suck big time, even before they lost a team mate. Now it is even worse. Look for big changes after this season from management to players.

Mucho rain here today, lots of thunder and lightening, wind for a while had rain blowing in windows and we weren't paying attention so had three wet places in the house! OOOOps!
All of the noise today has no effect on Owen and Max, sleep right through it like it is nothing.

Why was traffic a pain in the keester today? On the way to work and the way home, traffic, traffic, traffic!!! Long lines on the highways and interstates for no apparent reason. Just one of those days you wanted to stay off of the roadways.

Bill paying day, everybodys favorite day, right? Well, maybe not...pay this credit card this much and that one that much and oooh look that one is almost paid off!!! Yay!!! Hey, what happened here? I thought this one was lower....oh yeah, had to buy that thigamajig last month, forgot about that!

Wore one of my new shirts for only the second time today, nice comfortable one, and we go to I-Hop for supper, good old Rootie Tootie Fruitie meal and guess who gets strawberry juice on his new shirt? Yeah, it was me! Wiped it with the stain stick when we got home, hope that takes care of it.

Over on Keepers blog the rude and crude comments have eased off for a few days, maybe it will end now and the idiots will find someone else to bother, really hope they just dry up and blow away and not bother anyone, but then along comes another one....do these people leave comments like this, "you are so full of yourself, big deal you have a site about multiplicity, so do a lot of other people" because they think it makes them look smart? or observant? or philosophical? or like a mental genius? or eloquent speakers of the absurd or what?

Bet that last one gets a comment! That's what moderation is for, right?

Misunderstandings are multiplying like bunny rabbits in heat, every blog i read here lately has comments or innuendos of someone taking exception to this or that or why did you say that and then oh you weren't talking about me? Sensitivity is high!!!!!! Seems most of it is misunderstandings. too bad too because these people normally support each other, not get upset with each other and tear each other apart. What it is, or so it seems is that many of the players are each having their own issues and turmoils going on, which is making each of them apprehensive and leery of words from others. Abreactions are common right now, many are writing about it on their blogs and that creates nothing but havoc with multiples.

Keepers have some time to do art now but no motivation, so i told them maybe they should let the artwork flow, in other words it doesn't have to be a pretty picture that fits in the Healing Gallery, maybe it will be a picture reflective of the goings on from the last several weeks and fit better in the Trauma Gallery.

That's it for now, see you soon!

JM

Another Needless Death

2007-04-30T19:20:00.000-07:00

The St Louis Cardinals lost another player over the weekend, this time in an auto accident which may have involved drunk driving, again. I say again because it happens day after day night after night all across this country of ours. Have I done it? Driven under the influence? Yes I have but not for over 20 years. It was stupid to do.

As I was growing up I knew people who died this way, as our kids grew up they had friends who died this way, and now I have friends at work who have kids or relatives who die this way. i wonder when we will get it, drinking and driving do not mix. Alcohol plus vehicle equals death way too often!!

At least this time, if alcohol was involved, no innocent bystanders were killed in the process.

JM

Miscellaneous Ramblings part II

2007-04-24T18:46:00.000-07:00

Catchy title for a blog, eh? Where oh where did the month of April go? Same place March went I guess. This is one of those going nowhere blogs in case you haven't guessed yet. Our local major league baseball team sucks big time so far, season starts and the entire team except for one player goes into a batting slump, whole team is hitting like .200 so far, not good at all.

It's spring in the midwest here so one day it is 65 degrees and the next is it 82 and then the sky rumbles and lightning shoots all over and we get a downpour that lasts for 10 minutes and it begins to feel like a sauna.

Our income tax refund is gone already but we now can use our shower and bathtub again after 3 months of not having it, but now the bathroom sink drain clogs up!!! gotta go find my snake and try to unclog it.

the boys, our 3 yr old cats, Max and Owen are still as goofy as usual, they are like having a couple of kids around. I was talking with Keepers on the phone while I was at work today and i hear them say, "we don't know what happened in the basement...we heard something fall...then both cats came flying up the steps...right past me...and this is the different part...usually when they come flying up they stop when they see one of us and just kind of walk like we aren't supposed to notice how they flew up the steps...then they pick it up again after they get by us...but today they just flew by her and headed to the back bedroom where they stayed for about an hour!" Still haven't gone down in the basement to see what happened, not that brave yet.

Went to Red Lobster for dinner tonight, Shrimp Lover's Tuesday, 3 shrimp dishes for $11.99 includes salad and those wonderful cheddar biscuits! When we left Keepers said "You know we have never had bad service at Red Lobster" and we haven't! Oh yeah, always order some crab cakes also, delicious stuff.

I have to buy a new headlight for the car, bought new shoes tonight, old pair wore out, I know exciting stuff!!

Over at Keeperskorner some odd stuff was happening last week, seems to have ceased for now, I am very proud of keepers for holding their own and making it through what was a very difficult time for them. Waiting for Andrzej our webmaster to make some much needed changes to the menus for the site so we can expand it some more. Maybe by this weekend, keeping fingers crossed!!

That is all for now, nothing major, just some rambling words to let the four of you know I am still out here.

Happy trails pardners

john michael

Happy but Feeling Guilty

2007-04-17T17:28:00.000-07:00

Today, keepers especially got their Mother's Day miracle a few weeks early...our daughter who we lost contact with over 5 years ago wrote to them!! She left a comment on their blog that said they respected Keepers and are proud of keepers, that the abuse we feared she had endured did indeed happen, and sickeningly from a member of our own household it appears. She did not name him but it is obvious.

To this daughter and to her younger sister who well have endured the same abuse, I can only say how sorry I am for not recognizing anything being wrong. For not being there to protect you. For keepers I could not as I was a child when they were a child but my own daughters had a father who let them down in this area. I will never forgive myself for that.

To Munchkin, please know that Pop loves you and always will and sincerely apologizes for not being your protector when you needed me. I also want to thank you for easing some of Keepers guilt, some of their pain, because now they know that you do not hate them, that your anger has been tempered, and that the hope of holding you in their arms is now a possibility again.

May your healing continue, I pray J is still there at your side, being your protector.

All my love and respect

Pop

People Struggling All Over the Place

2007-04-14T18:32:00.000-07:00

As Keepers Korner continues onward we are seeing more people struggling than usual. It seems to be cyclical and with Easter just ending the obvious tie in to a holiday rears it's ugly head once more. As you prepare to go to the next holiday function be it family, friends whatever, notice those who seem to be off to the side or who came up with an excuse to not be there and take the time to be observant. It is a possibility that these people have memories associated with the holidays that overwhelm them, unpleasant memories that the holiday brings right back to the forefront.

I once heard that 85% of the American families are dysfunctional, and the more I see and hear
the more I am beginning to believe it. The more I pay attention to those around me and what they say and do I can almost piece together some more dysfunctional scenarios. The more you watch and listen you may well see and recognize behaviors that say, I was hurt, I had terrible role models, I am so ashamed, etc. These are all people struggling and they come from all walks of life, all nationalities, all religions. Abuse knows no mark or line it cannot cross, it does not care. Rich, poor, black, white, yellow, purple with polka dots, doesn't matter. Catholic, Lutheran, Jewish, Amish, quaker, Hindu, Muslim, Buddhists, it doesn't care. It respects no lines, no boundaries, no limitations.

Be aware of what you see, watch for those who need a kind word, a hug, whatever. Many people out there just need to know someone cares about them. People are struggling all over the place, therefore people all over the place need help and understanding. Do what you can, every little bit helps.

peace and blessings

john michael

Please Be Careful!

2007-04-11T13:02:00.000-07:00

As a singleton I deal with keepers every day. For those of you who do not know, keepers is my SO's system of alters, she is multiple personality gifted or DID in the new terms of the AMA or whoever makes things such as that "official" in the medical profession. Dealing with her alters day in and day out for over 35 years I have seen a lot, heard a lot and in honesty, messed up a lot.

Multiples are abuse survivors. Plain and simple that is why they are multiple, it was their brains way of handling repeated and horrific abuse any kind, be it physical, emotional, mental, sexual or any combination thereof. Some say it doesn't even exist, many universities and colleges, all I can say is boloney! It exists, no doubt about it. Seen it, live with it, watch them struggle with it, triumph over it, get setback and get back up again. Yes it indeed does exist.

So what is my point you ask? My point is when you are addressing a multiple whether in spoken words or written words take the time to think about what you are saying, how you are saying it, the tone you are using because each and every one of these can drastically effect what you are communicating to them. I recently made the mistake of writing a blog that was not well thought out, not edited like I usually do, not carefully written to consider my audience. I got to typing and in my haste and anger at what multiples have been through I used harsh words, words that made people feel like I was putting them down and I wasn't, not intentionally anyway.

I neglected my rules I put forth in the above paragraphs about how to treat people in the right way, the way they deserve to be treated. I tried to say multiples have to accept themselves as good people, that they do not deserve to feel like garbage. That the ways they were treated in their abuse was horrific but that they did not deserve it. But...that was not how it came out.

So please remember to choose your words carefully, remember who you are talking to and what they have been through. Words you use, phrases, tones, can make them feel like they did when the abuse occurred. That is how powerful what you say and how you say it can be. I for one regret ever putting those feelings up front with any multiple. Sadly I have done it more than once, and every time it was because I did not think enough to choose my words carefully or I let my feelings come through in my tone or attitude. Being angry at the abusers when you are trying to get the abused hear you say they are good and need to accept that to heal is not going to work. Your feelings of anger are changing what you are trying to say no matter how slightly and that can spell disaster for the abused.

Stop and think before opening mouth or putting words to paper and / or the screen otherwise you too will be hurting someone who deserves better than that.

Peace and blessings

John Michael

Being Thankful

2007-04-04T19:37:00.000-07:00

Part of this new philosophy, which is really very old, the one I wrote about several blogs ago about Positivity bringing Prosperarity has a major facet that you must be thankful for what you have, because being truly, and I stress truly, thankful is part of the process.

So what am I thankful for? For meeting Keepers some time ago, about 39 years ago, on a parking lot a local shopping center and I fell for them right away, as soon as I saw them. Later I found it was mutual for some of the Keepers also. At that time I knew not of multiplicity and I don't think they did either.

I am thankful for these 39 years with them and the rest of time I know I will be with them, somehow, someway. Our journey has just begun.

For our home which has indeed served us well for all these years. Soon it will be sold to someone else after we move into our new home, a home better suited to house our living quarters and Keepers Korner the Charitable Organization.

For our car which has taken us on some interesting travels, and one we will keep for those rides to the Confluence Park where the mighty Mississippi River and big muddy, the Missouri River merges, it's a gravel road about 5 miles long that is dusty and rough and not the road to take the
fun car on. We will save the Mustang convertible for the drives to Columbia and Clinton to meet with our friend Pastor Brown, who is one of the people I am thankful for.

Besides Pastor are all of the multiples and survivors we have met here on the web through the blog and Keepers Korner. I am proud to call many of them my friends and hope to be friends with more as time goes on.

My old boss Harold, who gave Keepers their first chance at being artists, he truly believed in them and saw their potential way before any of the rest of us did. Thanks Harold for opening my eyes to who and what was right before me. Thank you also for believing in me and instilling in me ethics in business and personal relationships.

For my health, for my abilities, for my new vision of life and all it offers, which Keepers and I are sharing, the vision of happiness and success that is becoming manifested day by day, hour by hour, week after week. It is a new and wonderful world with many new happinesses and joys for them and me to share with many others, won't you join us in this new positive world? There is plenty of room, few have learned the secret to happiness and fulfillment; ask and you will receive, if you believe.

peace and blessings to each of you

john michael

Being Positive

2007-03-28T20:49:00.000-07:00

When I last blogged about positivity I mentioned how difficult it is to change your mindset at first, to constantly have the positive thoughts and attitudes. In reality it took us about a month or 5 weeks to really get into it but one thing I have noticed that prohibits maintaining this new outlook is those around you.

Whether it is coworkers, family members or those people you run into casually they all can change your attitude and thoughts from positive to negative with relative ease. Remember, being 5 or 6 weeks into this new outlook and behavior is easily wrecked or at least temporarily derailed by what has always been the norm and let’s face it, most people behave in that negative is norm mode. You know all of the signs and words, they are all over the place; I feel crummy, I don’t feel so good, everybody is out to cheat me, nobody cares, nobody gets anything for free, this sucks, nothing is going right, I have a right to be down, etc. etc. etc

Well, you are right, you do have the right to be down and you do have the right to feel like nothing is going right and you do have the right to feel like nobody gets anything for nothing, etc, etc, etc BUT you also have the right to feel like everything is going right and the right to feel good and the right to feel you can get something just by believing that you can ask and you shall receive but first you have to believe. If you don’t believe, it won’t happen and you won’t feel better and things won’t go right and you will be right back where you were.

I myself had been thinking of something I wanted to change very much, and this past weekend I was seeing it happen, feeling the good feelings of what was coming and later that day when it was offered to me I replied with a negative comment that reflected what I had come to expect, that something would happen to keep the good thing from happening and you know what? My negative thought did exactly that, it completely killed the chance of what I had been positively seeing and feeling as ready to happen. I, by my own negativity, destroyed that positivity I had been manifesting. We can be and usually are our own worst enemies. What we have to do is become our best friends, our best supporters, our best, most positive beings we can be. Then we can feel and embrace the manifestations we are feeling and creating for ourselves.

So, what do you do when you are around negative influences? Ignore them? Put forth your positivity? Avoid being around them? Be a positive example? This is where, especially in the beginning before all of this new found thinking is second nature, where you have to consciously make the choices and be aware of these influences on you. If this is someone you don’t have to be with, then by all means leave, their negativity puts you in negative environment which can do you no good.

Yesterday I was talking to a contact person at one of the facilities I call on a regular basis, this lady has married a relative of the business owners and now the behind the back comments are making their way back to her about being a gold digger, stuff like that. When I told keepers they said they hoped I had suggested she ignore these people or better yet, let them know exactly how happy she is now and how wonderful her new marriage is, in other words be happy and positive in the face of the negativity and she is right.

We must maintain our new way of thinking to bring about the prosperarity! Positivity brings prosperarity, negativity does not. No one said this would be easy, only that it would change your life, but only if you let it and truly want it, want it enough to change how you think, how you feel, how you feel. The world is yours, all you have to do is truly believe.

Peace and blessings

John Michael

No Way Jose!!! (please, not trying to be offensive to anyone)

2007-03-27T17:44:00.000-07:00

I admit it! I am afraid of heights, so there is no way on God's green earth you will ever see me walking out on the new glass skywalk that juts 70 feet over the rim of the Grand Canyon and offers a breathtaking view of a 4000 foot drop!!!!!!!

Would you? I know some people that would go out there and if left alone they would be walking on the top rail like one of the Flying Wallendas! I won't mention any names Josh but if you read this you knew I meant you anyway. I can do roller coaster, giant ferris wheels and to some extent cars on mountain roads, as long as I don't look out the window and see nothing but a sheer dropoff!

I'm not that thrilled with trying to get off of the roof and onto the ladder or getting close to the edge of the roof to lean over and clean out the gutter. Imagine how thrilled I was when on my first day on board the USS Juneau in our US Navy I was told we would be hanging over the side of the ship or hanging from a radar tower to chip paint with a pneumatic paint chipper, of course we had a safety belt on, which made it all the better!

I think it cost people $30 or $40 to go out on the glass sky walk, all I can say is "Why?" I know the Indians are poor and I know this is to being some money in to the tribe but if they get any from me it will just be a donation, no ticket necessary. Or maybe I can donate a ticket to my son in law Josh, he would enjoy it!

Why do I have the feeling that if Alfred Hitchcock was still alive and planning on making Vertigo now, it would have to include this sky walk in some way, shape or form, complete with the cheesy special effects of someone falling off into the canyon!

Well there is my take on this newest of engineering marvels that I have no desire to even be close to. What is your take?

peace, blessings and safety to each of you

John Michael

Not Feeling Well

2007-03-19T12:34:00.000-07:00

Wouldn't you know it? I take last Friday and today as vacation days so me and keepers can do some fun stuff together and relax, that kind of stuff, and what happens? We both get a hellacious head cold from hell and just today are starting to feel somewhat normal. This is very counterproductive to my Positivity brings Prosperarity outlook!

When your nose is acting like a lava pit ready to erupt looking at the positives is difficult, except that you are positive it is going to erupt soon. When your head is so clogged up you swear that if you look in a mirror your head is going to be at least twice its normal size, positivity is the last thing on your mind. When you and your SO go through 4 boxes of Kleenex in 3 days, you feel positive about your Kleenex stock value going up but that is about all.

So that is how our last several days is going and has been going. But....and we all know there is always a but (and a however) we did keep as positive as possible, and we did see positive things happen, including feeling a lot better than last night. They are small things but progressive things, little things build on little things and the little things build up to not as little but a little bigger and they build up to hmmmm, thatsa nice! We know this is the way to go, to continue the positivity because it is bringing prosperarity!!

peace and blessings to each of you

john michael

Positivity Brings Prosperarity

2007-03-13T16:56:00.000-07:00

According to the Webster-Merriam on line dictionary positivity is defined as follows:

Main Entry: pos·i·tiv·i·ty

1 : the quality or state of being positive

2 : something that is positive

The state of being positive, therefore not negative, which may be one of the most difficult things you have ever attempted. Try changing your outlook, your attitude, your expectations, your viewpoints, your inner and outer beings to being 100% positive. Remove the negative in every avenue of your thoughts. It is not as easy as it sounds because we are so trained in the negative outlook and perceptions from birth right on up?

How do we replace our everyday actions and comments and attitudes with positive ones? How do we acquire that ability? With our minds. We have to make a conscious effort to keep our thoughts 100% positive. When we find ourselves straying we have to make the effort to remove the negative and replace with the positive.

Keepers and I have been doing this for two weeks now, making full out conscious efforts to change our thinking, not only to positivity but also to prosperarity.

You can look prosperarity up in the dictionary, but you won’t find it. I made it up. To me though it is that rare form of prosperity, where we prosper in all aspects of our lives. You can be prosperous money wise, or friend wise or land wise or talent wise, but prosperarity

Is the ability to prosper in many aspects of life, in fact as many as possible, which is indeed a rarity.

As I said earlier, keepers and I have been changing our thought processes for a little over 2 weeks now, and we do see changes already. We see changes in ourselves and in each other. There is way less stress which in turn makes us feel better physically and emotionally. We have been told that we look different, younger and more energized. We have received many blessings already in the form of donations to Keepers Korner, in the form of a reduced dental bill that was unexpected, of a free dinner courtesy of a friend, our friends who were sick have recovered from their illnesses, and we know there is more, much more to come.

I know some of you are asking “What has John been smoking?” but the answer is just the usual, menthol light Marlboros…so no, I am not whacked out on anything except for this new found method of making our lives better in every aspect possible.

Whenever something negative occurs or you find the negative thoughts and attitudes creeping back in make every effort to remove them asap and replace with positive thoughts and affirmations. Look for positivity in the people around you, look at the people you meet at the bank or store and see if your positivity isn’t reflected back to you. People pick up on it and I firmly believe if they are positively motivated people they will respond to you in a positive manner. These are people with the same outlook, one full of possibilities, all in the positive forward aspects we all are striving for.

In another week or two we will let you know how our positivity is progressing as well as our prosperarity and we hope you will also. Maybe some of you are already using this to better your lives. It comes under many theologies, many practices, many religions, old and new, many philosophers and such have been promoting this for years.

It is one thing to ask your God for this or that but it is quite another to believe with every fiber of your being that God, the Universe, the Higher Power will actually grant you your request. You have to have positive faith that it will occur, and it will.

Peace, blessings and joy

John and Keepers

Need for Censoring

2007-02-25T15:14:00.000-08:00

Several of our friends blogs have put up blogs or comments stating that they will delete or censor ignorant comments. It is sad that people who are abuse survivors have to put up with people leaving comments that put them down or say it is their fault or they were asking for it or quit your bellyachin'! It is beyond me, seriously, how can people put down people who are abuse survivors? Maybe they are abusers themselves? That would be a logical assumption based on their behaviors and comments in my opinion.

Constructive comments are one thing, they may be meant to help someone see something they missed or just didn't consider, but ignorant and abusive comments are destructive. People who tend to leave comments like that, why not just stay away from those blogs or sites? I personally don't believe in what the nazis did in Germany or what their supporters stand for now here in the states but I don't go to their sites and leave ignorant comments, I just stay away from them.

The sites in question are support sites, sites where people blog about what happened to them, what they are trying to overcome, for the purpose of relieving their pain because writing about abuse and talking about gets it out. It also lets others know they are not alone. It is a good thing NOT a bad thing.

So there is my two cents worth on editing comments.

Peace and blessings

John Michael

Should Have Stayed Away

2007-02-16T19:12:00.000-08:00

Did you ever have a restaurant around you that you have heard of, it's been there for years and years, in fact it is one of the closest restaurants to you, but you have never been there? There is one like that about 2 miles from our house. It is a Mexican restaurant named Pueblo Nuevo, owned by Mexicans, the food is authentic we presume, and until tonight we never had tried their food.

There are several very good Mexican restaurants around here, several of which we have visited for many years. Most of these have been well received by the local reviewers over the years, as has the one near us.
When we recently went to our state capital for the hearing about Keepers former therapist we were directed to a Mexican restaurant, El Jimador, in town and we did try it and found the food to be extremely good and tasty and inexpensive. It was a wonderful meal in the middle of a rather tense 24 hours.

On the way to visit Pastor Brown when he was in the hospital we tried another Mexican restaurant Ruiz-Castillo, one owned and operated by one of the children of a very good restaurant owner also near us, Ruiz's, and this too was very good though a bit overpriced. Ruiz's is better food at a better price and has been here for over 25 years.

Hacienda is the other excellent Mexican restaurant around here, even though it had two locations, one owned by the wife the other by the husband after a divorce. The wifes location was the original location and after the family split the food here continued to be excellent and very inexpensive. Many a family dinner was eaten there over the years. One of Keepers brothers introduced us to it. The 2nd location, owned by the husband was much larger, styled like Casa Gallardo restaurants but retaining the Hacienda recipes so the food was excellent and still less expensive than the chains and much better tasting.

Getting back to tonights meal, I recently read a review of various types of restaurants in our area, a list of five for each classification, for Italian, Mexican, Greek, Seafood, Steakhouses, etc and Pueblo Nuevo was listed as one of the 5 best in our fair city. So tonight we decided to try it finally.
We should have stayed away. From the salsa which wasn't salsa for the chips, this was a sauce not a salsa, to the sauce over the enchiladas the food was not nearly like what we had at the other Mexican restaurants and had always loved. So after all of these years, we finally tried it, and wish we hadn't.

If we had never eaten at these other excellent restaurants we may have liked this one, not having them to compare to, but we had and it just didn't measure up to our expectations. Sometimes when you try something that has been put off for a long time, it is best to leave it alone.

Til next time,

john michael

That Didn't Take Long!!

2007-02-14T17:44:00.000-08:00

Well we are over 24 hours early!! Andrzej has keeperskorner switched over and on the new server so Keepers blogs are back over there already. I hope some of you will still come back and read some of my blogs sometime and get my perspective on some things in this world.

Over at Keeperskorner there were updates to the galleries while Andrzej was working on things so be sure to check out the new artwork over in the Healing Gallery.

Got a lot of stuff to do tonight so this is it for the blog, maybe tomorrow night can be more extensive.

See ya in the funny papers!!

john michael

Minor Problems-We Hope!

2007-02-13T19:01:00.000-08:00

Well the server switch has been completed, now Andrzej has to fix the things that the switch discombobulated. The Weblog is the main problem, won't let new members sign up and won't let us post new entries and all of the old comments are missing!!!! Other than that all is well, kinda, sorta.

We tried to use our lower partial today, hoping that the extra days of healing would let us wear it and so far, it actually is working and doesn't hurt!! This may work after all! We certainly hope so.
If it does work now we can consider the dental work a smashing success!!

Like a lot of our friends we got clobbered with snow, sleet and wind today, and now it is getting really cold here. Andrzej, our new webmaster got hit with 12 inches of snow and is still counting, Aussie got snow and cold, how cold we won't say but take our word for it, it is cold according to her rationale!!!!!!

John and Keepers went to Red Lobster for our Valentines supper a night early, we always go the night before to avoid the rush and with the snow and cold it was a sparse crowd. We had shrimp lovers Tuesday and loved it. Shrimp Scampi and fried shrimp, potatoes, salad and those cheddar biscuits!!! Then we had a piece of lemon meringue pie (Mrs Smith) at home for desert.

Do the florists all over the place rip people off where you live? Two weeks ago a dozen roses was $15 here, now they are $35-50 and next week they will $15 again. We told John once if he ever paid Valentine's day prices for roses we would shoot him!!! If he didn't do it first. To be honest we would rather go to Red Lobster than have the roses, besides Max and Owen just eat the roses or knock them over, all of our cats have eaten any flowers brought into this house.

Well, keep your fingers crossed that the problems with the blog can be corrected soon and we can return to the site to blog. You can still visit the galleries, read the articles, even the archived blogs so feel free to visit over there but if you get some freaky responses, send us an e-mail and let us know what happened so we can pass on to Andrzej for him to investigate and correct.

Thanks for visiting and we will see you all tomorrow!

Peace and blessings

Keepers

Keeperskorner on Holiday

2007-02-12T20:15:00.000-08:00

As we get switched from one server to another we will take a bit of a holiday we guess. We will still visit our blogging friends sites and get some new updates for the galleries ready for our new webmaster Andrzej to upload and even write some blogs and post them here on John Michael's blog to keep in touch with everyone.

We hope to be back on line by late Thursday or early Friday, at least that is what Andrzej assures us. Andrzej is this wonderful man of Polish extraction who cracks up John and me, and when John and Andrzej get together, which the world could not handle too often, there is much laughing, more than a little beer drinking and so many innuendos are tossed around it's enough to make a girl blush. But boy does he know computers and all of this IT stuff that John and I struggle with so much. We welcome him to the task of being our new webmaster and look forward to a long and happy relationship.

Sometime tomorrow Keperskorner will be "down" but we don't know what the message will be so we cannot tell you that. So we hope to see and hear from many of you here and back at Keeperskorner by Friday. have a wonderful rest of the evening or early morning depending on where you are. Feel free to email us also, just our site will be down but our email will be just fine.

peace and blessings

Keepers

Guest Blogs

2007-02-10T17:03:00.000-08:00

Next week, Tuesday through Thursday probably, keeperskorner will be unaccessible due to being switched from one server to another by our new webmaster. Until the site is back up Keepers will post their blogs on this site. If you are not a usual visitor to Keeperskorner we hope you will return here and read some of their blogs and maybe you will get interested to visit the site once it is accessible again.

For those of you who do not know of Keeperskorner it is a site for multiples, those who have multiple personalities and other abuse survivors. It is the web arm of Keeperkorner Inc. a nonprofit corporation chartered in the state of Missouri, USA. The mission of keeperkorner is to Offer non therapeutic and non advisory contact, caring and support for abuse survivors, including those with MPD/DID, and their loved ones. The Vision is To build a network of survivors who will offer assistance, education, caring and support in a non-therapeutic manner to help enable those abused to not only survive but also to thrive.

We offer support via articles, a toll free number for US residents to call to hear a friendly voice attached to someone who will listen, art that hopefully will touch your heart as well as poetry. There are other services and items available which many may find soothing, especially to those who are multiple and their littles are particularly needy emotionally. That is why we have some stuffed animals and "softies" that many littles enjoy holding.

Keepers blogs are about their efforts to not only survive but to thrive and how they are doing it, but also seeking advice and comments from others who may have already "been there done that". All survivors are at different points on their road to recovery, and all can use support in one way or another. All they ask is common courtesy, support and honesty.

We hope you will come back next week and visit keepers blogs and hopefully leave a comment or two. Til then, be good to yourselves.

John Michael

Ramblings

2007-02-05T18:45:00.000-08:00

Day after the Super bowl, which i didn't watch, never really got into football, especially if the home team isn't involved. So I get on the net and check out the commercials which in my opinion a very large percentage of people watch the Super Bowl for anyway. I wasn't impressed, a couple made me laugh, some were inventive but overall...big deal.

Cold, cold, cold!!!!! that is all it has been for weeks now, or at least it seems so. Longest stretch of consecutive days below freezing since back in the 1970's here! So cold that when it snows, it is very dry snow, can't make a snowman or a snowball but it is still slick!! do not want to see heating bills, will take months to pay off.

Can't find Whiskas cat food in the single pouches anywhere all of a sudden. Max and Owen are not happy over this development in our local grocers and Walmarts. No not one single bit. Out of desperation and attempts to appease them I bought some canned cat food that said "turkey and giblets in gravy" with the "in gravy" being the words that drew my attention to it knowing what they go for! So I bought some, took it home, opened a can and found about 1/4 tsp of gravy and some kind of mush which I guess was the turkey and giblets. I gave it to them, they ate some but we all know this will not suffice, not for their palates, no way Jose!!

Keepers have been helping an on line friend of ours come to some sort of understanding of her multiplicity. Hearing the diagnosis and accepting it are two different things. Sometimes there is a very long time between the two. It is only normal to not accept it even though it explains a lot. As another friend said in her blog, to accept the diagnosis I have to accept the causes and I don't want to do that.

We have another on line friend that we know is doing way too much and the toll is wearing her down very much. We are afraid for her life it is that serious. She has a heart condition, physically there are problems, emotionally it is too big, it is full of love for fellow man and animals. She too is a survivor, not a multiple, but a survivor and she needs to ease off a bit before she puts herself in the ground in which case she will be no good to anyone, no help to anyone, she will just be gone forever, a memory. We hope she can find a way to ease off and help herself also.

The unneeded tragedy here the last several days, two children have been killed by other children with guns!! One was two the other three, one by a handgun one by a shotgun, the handgun was left on a table, loaded, next to the couch in full view. The shotgun was under the couch, whether it was loaded or not has not been determined yet. No matter, two children are dead because adults left guns easily accessible, two children are dead because other children shot them. Were they not taught that guns kill? Where does the blame lie? On media? parents? adults in charge? everyone? nobody? Two children are dead, does anybody care?

Have a nice day

John Michael

Our Old Friend

2007-01-26T18:07:00.002-08:00

Our old friend Harold, to whom Keepers have dedicated their site, Keeperskorner is looking down on us from on high, smiling his smirky smile he so often displayed when he was right!

He was the first person to really give keepers credit for their art, their poetry, their desire to reach people. If he was here now I know he would be so proud of them. He would be involved in the charitable side of it, the bookkeeping side, the planning stages for whatever visons we could come up with.

When I lost my job, as did he, he helped us survive financially, though it burdened him also. He financed keepers first attempts at marketing their creations, he encouraged and critiqued, but always fairly.

If you were willing to work hard at your goals, he was there to help you succeed. He took great joy in seeing it happen and yet gave you all of the credit. Maybe that's why he meant so much to keepers. He was the first person to see what was inside them, to believe in them, to give them credit. He was as much their friend and mentor as mine, perhaps more theirs than mine. They had an affinity for each others passions and goals, they saw the real person inside each other that they kept hidden from most of the rest of the world.

I know you are pleased Harold, they have done so good, so much, and they aren't even near being done yet! Keep watching old friend, neither keepers nor I will let you down. Keepers and I will never forget you, you are still and always will be a part of who we are now.

Thank you and God bless

John Michael

Some Movies We Enjoy

2007-01-16T18:59:00.000-08:00

This is a light blog, just a movie list of those movies Keepers and I enjoy. It is not a complete list or in any order, just a fun list and maybe you will see a movie that interests you. So here goes:

The Notebook: I guess this is a chick flick but it is really a couple flick also. It's happy, funny, sad, take your pick, depends on where you are in the movie. James Garner is one of our favorite actors, he is the narrator.

Batman Begins: Unlike the previous movies this one is a tad more serious, no outlandish sets, somewhat realistic. Keepers love Michael Caine and his Alfred the Butler, teens love the Bruce Wayne/Batman character, also the Lt. Gordon with Gary Oldman is much better than the Comm. Gordon in the other movies. Way better all the way around. Morgan Freeman is also a favorite of ours and he is a small role but an important one.

50 first Dates: We love this movie and we don't like Adam Sandler, but in this movie we do. It is light, funny, and sweet also.

Lassie: the newest version, Keepers got it for Christmas and it is a really good Lassie movie with Peter O'toole. If you like Lassie you will like this one also.

Space Cowboys: Clint Eastwood, James Garner, Tommy Lee Jones, and Donald Sutherland, 4 of our favorite actors, not believable but fun anyway, well maybe not so unbelieveable, John Glenn went up when in his 70's so I will recant that comment. 4 old astronauts go up to fix an old space station and find a BIG problem.

Muppet Movie: What can I say? Corny lines, loveable muppets, guest stars by the handful and really fun flick for littles and adults.

Monsters, Inc: One of little keepers favorites, they just love little Boo! I think they identify with her. John Goodman, Billy Crystal, James Coburn and John Buscema are the main voices and all are excellent.

Nemo: Another little keepers favorite, a dad clownfish looking for his lost son and Ellen DeGeneres lends a helping fin. She is a riot.

Murder By Numbers: Sandra Bullock as a detective who investigates homicides and almost was a homicide victim herself. Her reactions and behaviors are right on for many survivors.

Shawshank Redemption: Morgan Freeman is wonderful, the whole movie is great but he is superb, we love movies he is in.

The Green Mile: Tom Hanks as the Green Mile Supervisor over the death row inmates back in the 40's, Excellent movie in our opinion. We love Tom Hanks.

Road to Perdition: I list this because it is Tom Hanks and Paul Newman. Keepers could not watch it because Hanks is a hitman for Newman in the 30's, yep they are both mobsters and it gets a wee bit complicated as the movie moves on.

Funny Girl: Keepers and I have sentimental attachments to this one, we saw it when dating, we both love the music.

Zorro: Antonio Banderas and Catherine Zeta Jones ignite this one with their chemistry and then you get Anthony Hopkins as a bonus, never heard a single cuss word in this movie, it can be done and still have an excellent movie.

Well there is a list of some of the movies we like, feel free to leave your comments, additions, etc.

best wishes to all of you

john michael

Dr. Martin Luther King

2007-01-15T11:02:00.000-08:00

He had a dream.

A dream not yet realized and depending on who you ask it may or may not ever be realized. Is it closer than it was? Certainly, but there is still a long way to go.

So much of what Dr. Martin Luther King said is appropriate to many people, not just the African Americans, because his words are universal in that anyone who is ignored, shunned, and in some ways a second class person, not a citizen but a person, has need of his words, to see that they too are due a better way of life, with recognition of who they are and equality in all aspects of life.

Are the children who over the years have been abused in one way or another treated the same as those who were not? Have the perpetrators asked for forgiveness? Resolved to stop and help others stop or better yet, not do it in the first place? Our friend Maria writes about the miseries inflicted on the children in the home called Nazareth House, has the church yet acknowledged the abuse those children endured? No.

"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase. "

This is one of Keepers favorite quotes and is by Dr. King. It is part of their philosophy that they incorporated into their lives, to move forward, to begin the healing. It is I am sure how most survivors move onward, and aren't races of people and social stratas of people and those in classifications such as abused or autistic or handicapped or nameless and countless others all simply trying to move up to a better way of life, a better standard of life? Whether it is to be recognized as worthy of treatment or worthy of a heartfelt and sincere apology or to be able to sleep a good nights sleep without yesterdays fears haunting you, or the hurts and pains both of physical and emotional abuse that won't go away; isn't that a worthy progression and goal for all and any person no matter what race, no matter what religion, no matter what sexual preference to be asked for, no, not to be asked for, just simply to have?

Dr. King, you were an inspiration to so many and as our world continues to evolve your words are special and enduring to more people now perhaps than ever before. They are words that apply to many people, in many situations, in many dire needs, people who are worthy and justified in asking for and receiving common courtesies and acknowledgments and treatments from medical professionals, from church officials, from governments and from their fellow man and woman.

You were and are an inspiration to many people. Many of them have followed in your word path, used it to better themselves, to grow and evolve and many of them will help others thanks to you and your words. What a wonderful legacy to leave in this world, helping others grow and become more than they ever thought they would or could be.

To Dr. King and all those who have been inspired by his words, "Thank You for what you have given to so many, be it one or one billion, someone was touched by your words and are better for it.

Peace and blessings to all

john and keepers

5 Years Ago

2007-01-13T14:01:00.000-08:00

Five years ago Keepers and their then current therapist decided they had to report their previous therapist to the State Board. In just a few months of therapy with this new therapist it was becoming obvious that she did not agree with the treatment Keepers had received or it's far reaching effects into how Keepers were functioning, or not functioning.

After 17 years with the previous therapist there was an awful lot of barriers to be broken down, because after 17 years he had firmly entrenched his "truths" and "methods" into keepers everyday life style. We began in earnest to read how others had been treated, what worked and didn't work for them. Granted, the therapist who helped Keepers see how horribly wrong the former therapist's treatment was had a short tenure as Keeper's new therapist, yet what she did and offered was huge. She was not familiar with MPD but she did one thing the former had not...she asked other therapists what they knew of it, how it s/b treated, etc. She and Keepers came to the realization that he was in fact harming patients, not only MPD patients but possibly others with his unacceptable treatments and behaviors. What was odd was this therapist had seen the former therapist as part of a couple for sessions on couple's therapy and decided he was sociopathic in his behaviors.

Yesterday the culmination of these five years of waiting came to fruition as the hearing, thrice receiving continuances in the last several months, finally came to be. As we arrived at the hearing room, in our state capital, Keepers were obviously nervous. We had been told he was not going to appear, that his two lawyers he had engaged to defend him had advised him he had no chance to win this decision, but still, what if he was just pulling another of his maneuvers, another trick, what then? As we sat outside the hearing room, the state's expert witness, a psychologist with 30 years of experience in treating multiples and dissociatives came up to keepers and said "this must be horribly difficult for you" and right then I think both Keepers and I knew they would see it through even if the former therapist showed up.

Here was the state's expert, who continued talking to Keepers for 10 or 15 more minutes, saying he understood, he had already read the written documents, he had already decided how he would testify, and he was recognizing how difficult this would be for Keepers, to go before authority figures, a judge, lawyers, investigators in a legal setting and testify about the their former therapist, his treatment, his behaviors, and the effects it had on keepers and those around them. Here was someone to validate what they had come to discover, that they were hurt by his treatments, that they were the victims.

When Keepers were called to the witness stand they bravely went up there, they answered the questions put forth by the attorney, for over an hour they testified. They were strong, they shed some tears, they persevered. They made it through the testimony. They walked back to me and we sat down and I put my arms around their shoulder and held them, telling them how wonderful they did. The tears welled up in their eyes, this had been a tremendously difficult 5 years, that finally came to an end. No decision about discipline of the therapist has been made yet, that will come several months down the road. But, keepers did all that they had set out to do, with grace and dignity, they has testified, they has stood up for themselves, for others he might otherwise have treated in the future and possibly others he has treated in the past. Littles saw the adults and teens stand up for all keepers from baby on up, to tell publicly in a legal setting, what they had endured. Over fifty years ago and onward, no one listened to keepers, so the abuse continued into the bodies adult life, for therapists can be as abusive as childhood perpetrators.

As keepers regained their composure the expert witness took the stand and we listened as he testified that the therapy was incompetent, it was neglectful, it was unprofessional, that he displayed seductive and sensual overtones in his writing to keepers; I could go on but I think you get the gist of where I am going. He was a bad therapist, not only in treatment but in ethics and it has been corroborated.

When the hearing was over, the lawyers, the executive in charge of the state board, the expert witness all came to keepers and thanked them for their testimony, for bringing this to their attention, for being brave over the last five years, for coming to the hearing and then telling them how well they did in their testimony.

They were proud of keepers, for enduring, for riding the storm out.

I cannot tell you how proud I am of them.

I know they hold their heads a little higher today and they should, they deserve to, they earned the right to.

john michael

Why?

2007-01-09T18:07:00.000-08:00

Isn’t it amazing how people point the finger at their victims or those they have abused? Don't tell anyone what happened, it's our secret. Don't tell anyone or something bad will happen to you. Don't tell anyone or they will make your daddy go away. Don't tell anyone or they will take your mommy go away. Don't tell anyone or God will punish you. Don't tell anyone or I will not be your friend anymore. Don't tell anyone, no one will believe you anyway. Don't tell anyone, or I will have to punish you. Don't tell anyone, or I will cry that you would hurt my feelings. Don't tell anyone, or I won't like you anymore. Don't tell anyone or you will die.

Don't tell anyone, no matter what.

Nevermind that what I did to you destroyed your sense of self worth. That it made you feel dirty and disgusting, not loved and cared for. That it made you feel violated instead of protected. That it made you split into more than one being that staggered around in confusion and a haze for half a lifetime. Or that it ruined almost all of your future relationships because it's effect were so far reaching.

Don't tell anyone, I didn't do anything wrong anyway. You are the bad one, not me.

Then why do you care if I tell anyone? Why do you want me to not speak of it? Why do you ask for continuance after continuance? Why do you get so riled up if you did nothing wrong? Why do other family members wait until they are on their death beds to admit they knew what you were doing? Why do they wait nine years to tell the abused, oh yeah my dad knew what uncle so and so did to you?

Why?

john michael

My Viewpoint

2007-01-04T19:30:00.000-08:00

There are several phrases I have heard or read lately that really torque me off. They always seem to come from one of two age groups, those much older than I, 70's, 80ish and those younger, 30's and 40's.

The phrases are "They did it out of love for you", "Grow up' and "Get over it". All three are uttered by these age groups more than other age groups when they are dealing with multiples and abuse survivors. It seems to reflect their attitude which is as cold and uncaring as one can imagine.

It reflects their siding with abusers, their lack of respect for those abused, their lack of caring, their ignorance, their me first attitude. Your abuse, your multiplicity is an inconvenience to them, they cannot be expected to make allowances for what you are trying to recover from, not in their world. You should "just get over it." That way they don't have to hear about it, think about it, or in some cases, stop it themselves.

In the movie "Guess Who's Coming To Dinner" Sidney Poitier's character let's his father have it verbally, by telling him not until his generation is dead and buried will the yoke be removed, likewise not until the generations who allowed and fostered abusive behaviors is dead and buried will many of these attitudes be buried also. My grandmother is in her 90's and her attitude has always been "get over it" for her own daughter who was sexually abused to Keepers whose abuse created their multiplicity.

At the other end of the age spectrum is two of our children whose attitude is "Grow up" which is basically the same, just as tender and caring I might add. Funny thing is today when Keepers were at the dentist it was discussed by the dentist, the hygenest and keepers (very slightly though because of all the apparatus in their mouth at the time) how their children, in 30's and 40's were so uncaring, so "me", and completely expecting everything they want with no concern for the parents, hmmmmmm.

Then there was keepers mother who said "it was done out of love" which not only confused and set keepers up for years of abuse it also distorted what love was, is and should be and could be. Accepting what real love is was all but impossible for so many years because to them was this perverse hurtful abuse not the gentle, lovingness that was being offered but could not be accepted for what it was because according to their mother "it wasn't out of love".

To all of our friends, visitors, posters, fellow blogger i can only say that when you have heard these phrases in your own lives, know that those comments from people who should be not allowed any closer than arms length, they are not on your side, they do not understand, they do not care. They do not even attempt to see what you are attempting to recover from.

In order to make Keepers as safe as possible we have had to evaluate others in our lives by this template, you are either a part of the problem or a part of the solution. If you and your attitudes and "words of encouragement" are like those mentioned above you are a part of the problem and must be avoided. If your attitude is truly supportive and understanding and you are trying to help as best you honestly can, you may well be a part of the solution and we will keep you close to us.

It hurts sometimes when people you would expect to be "good for you" are in reality "bad for you" and as such must be avoided. However, in keeping one self safe these are choices that must be made to continue down the road to recovery, the road to thriving, the road to living and not just existing.

To all of our friends out there, peace and blessings

John Michael

Miscellaneous Ramblings, In No particular Order

2007-01-03T17:46:00.000-08:00

Part I

How come family, relatives can be such assholes and not even try to understand while complete strangers on the internet can understand, be supportive, be friendly and make you feel as if someone really does understand?

Why are some bosses complete jerks one day and your best friend the next day?

Why do people idolize sports stars, movie stars, music stars even though their abusive natures are in the media? How can people still look at them in the same light?

Why can i go to Olive Garden and order chicken parmigian and get a thin, skinny piece of white meat with no taste for $8.95 and go to Hometown Buffet and get fried or baked whole breasts, as many as I want to eat, juicy and flavorful for the same price?

Why did the media say our gas prices would be going down and today they went up 21 cents a gallon?

How can a grocery store sell sirloin steak for $8.99 a lb this week and $3.99 a lb next week?

Why doesn't bread stay fresh for more than a day or two anymore? The store brands seem to stay fresher longer and they are made by the big name bakery just packaged differently.

Why are krispy kreme donuts $5.99 a dozen but when I buy a half dozen it's $3.60 or $7.20 a dozen?

Why does the TV weather person get so excited when bad weather is in the forecast?

When gas prices began escalating to that $3 a gallon we had why didn't cans of oil go up?

Til next time buckaroos

john michael

2007

2006-12-31T11:04:00.000-08:00

Today marks the end of 2006, for all of us there have been successes and perceived failures, rewards and punishments, gains and losses, additions to family and losses of family. We have made some new friends and lost some old ones, we have traveled down old paths with old results and tried some new paths with new results.

For keepers and myself, we have lost contact with people we thought we had found again, we have found others we had no idea even existed a year ago. We have family members who seems like strangers and strangers who have become our new family. We have watched a web site go from an attempt to sell art to a website which has become a legally recognized charity selling nothing but instead offering support in many ways to other multiples and abuse survivors.

We lost our dear Shakespeare after 18 years and gained a little baby girl goat on a farm in Indiana that Concrete Angel named Little Keeperskorner. We have had children stay away, come back in our lives, then leave again but we have had bloggers and emailers evolve from just that to brothers and sisters in arms who are taking this journey to recovery with us.

We went to a new webmaster who developed a new site for us and now at the end of 2006 we have moved to another webmaster to maintain our site and take it from where it is now to where it will evolve to next. The newest webmaster is the first webmaster we ever had, what goes around comes around?

Keepers are getting dental work done they have needed for years, it all began in 2006 when out of necessity they had to overcome their fear of dentists which was well justified I might add, and we found some excellent dentists who will complete the job in 2007! Keepers have all pulled together with the dentists help and kindness to achieve this.

In 2006 my mentor at work announced his retirement in 2007, March 30th, and that means I have 3 months left to pick his brain for any information I may need to carry on after he enters retirement.

Keepers and I know each of you have had your ups and downs in 2006 and we can only wish for each of you a markedly improved 2007, full of joy and success and continued recovery. We will be here, hopefully you will be too, to encourage and be encouraged, to help and find help, to give and receive, to grow as never before.

To each of you we extend our wishes for a Happy New Year, a Blessed New Year, and a Prosperous New Year.

May you all be in the Grace of God now and always

John and Keepers

The "Boys" Are Free

2006-12-27T16:30:00.000-08:00

The "boys" are Max and Owen our two cats that have had their territory reduced once the Christmas tree went up! They both find it difficult to resist the urge to climb the tree and nestle upon a few branches and lay in there until someone notices them. Obviously the trip up and back down dislodges a few ornaments nott o mention the bending of the branches.

Once the tree goes up, usually a day or two after Thanksgiving, they are relegated to the basement unless both of us are here to keep an eye on them which also means when we go to bed they go downstairs.

We love 'em dearly but the tree we need at Christmas time. Well today the tree came down, keepers felt so bad for them they gave in and said take it down, Christmas is over and the boys are looking way too pathetic and sorrowful. She was right, some nights they would hide at bedtime other nights they accepted their banishment almost too nonchalantly. Other nights I would pick one up and he would just look at me, sorrowful eyes and all, then a "meeow" for a wee bit of emphasis.

As I write this they are both curled up in the living room like two peas in a pod in a triumphant get together clinging of kitty minds. As they lay there we wonder what will happen when we head for bed and don't send them downstairs. When we went to the store this afternoon without putting them downstairs they kind of looked at me like, "did you forget something?"

So they are free, free to roam, free to find some other way of getting in trouble, free to come up on our bed if they so desire (maybe one of these days). I can read their faces and it is written in big bold letters, WE WON, WE ARE BACK ! WE ARE IN CHARGE!

Cats, ya gotta love 'em.

Hope everyone had a wonderful holiday and may the New Year bring nothing but joy to you and yours

john Michael and Keepers

Helping Others

2006-12-16T17:52:00.000-08:00

At this time of the year there are many groups, people, organizations asking for donations, from the Salvation Army to your church, if you belong to one, to Spanky's Home for Wayward Elves. Several times in the last few days one of our local TV channels has been doing stories on the Pa family. They own a Chinese Buffet restaurant not far from here, in fact we ate there this past week. For the last several years they have produced a meal for homeless people in the area which is held in conjunction with a toy drive and clothing drive to help the less fortunate.

The Pa family is from Taiwan but obviously have a generous nature. Granted they are funded by donations and other businesses for this annual meal they cook and supply, except for this year. For some reason they are behind on donations this year, maybe the economy, maybe cynicism I know not. Last year they literally ran out of food, and there were according to the news reports one thousand people still waiting for a meal. They fed fifteen thousand!! There were still hungry people waiting to eat.

Keepers and I don't have a lot but we are making it. Keepers Korner is where we funnel most of our extra funds but tonight keepers asked if we could afford to help the Pa family, they needed donations to buy more food. So we wrote a check for $30, and drove over to the restaurant to give it to them. I let keepers take it in, praying they received a nice response. I was not let down.

When they came out they were smiling. They were greeted inside and pointed towards the check out desk. The restaurant was very busy, Saturday night and a popular restaurant at that I might add. Anyway, the fellow who pointed Keepers toward the checkout thought she was there for a carryout order, at the desk the lady picked up the carryout order but keepers said "no, we came here to give you a check to help with the food for the free meal tomorrow, we saw the news story". The check out lady, the hostess and a waitress all began and repeated "Thank You" over and over. Keepers smiled and returned to the car and me, so we could head back home.

On the way home the younger Keepers were teary eyed, they always want to help others, to drop some coins in the Salvation Army pot, or give a toy to the Toys For Tots drive, and we have in the past but usually very little. Tonight it was $30, not a lot to some, significant to others, a fortune to some. All we know is that maybe a few more people will be fed by the Pa family tomorrow thanks to that $30 and maybe , just maybe someone who was checking out after Keepers left, were able to leave an extra $10 or $20 and help feed a few more.

We can always hope.

peace and joy to each of you

john michael and keepers

20 Years in the Making!!!

2006-12-08T20:29:00.000-08:00

About twenty years ago my wife, keepers, and I had a vision of a foundation that would help people surviving child abuse and multiplicity, it was called The Emily Ann Foundation, we even got it incorporated in our home state but we had no idea where we were heading with it or how to proceed. My boss at work at that time was the one who got it incorporated and gave keepers their first support in their artistic endeavors. Eventually it "died" and it was no longer on the states records as ever existing and I know that Harold still believed in keepers and their vision of a foundation to help others.

As keepers delved deeper into their artwork they let other keepers come out and do their artwork, let others write their poetry, their viewpoints. Eventually they decided they wanted a website to display their art, their poetry and to begin their forum for multiples and abuse survivors.

The first attempt was very crude and minor league, based on a canned software package a friend of mine setup for us, but I understand pcs so little I couldn't maintain what he started.
Then we took the leap to a webmaster in our area who we contracted with to build us a new website, still Keepers Korner but a new setup. He and his wife built it for us at considerable expense, at this point keepers wanted to sell their artwork on the internet if at all possible.

As time passed we were frustrated with this webmaster, with the site itself and the lack of interest in the artwork, or so we thought. Then they had their first gallery showing and saw that people were interested in their artwork, but also that it was "specialty" artwork, as the gallery owner called it.

Well, we fired our webmaster and found Blue, she met with us and keepers took their portfolio with us and when keepers and I saw her first draft of the new homepage we knew she was the one to design the third version of Keepers Korner! She incorporated keepers artwork into the site, putting artwork alongside articles and in the galleries at the top of pages, etc. As soon as the site was up we began receiving awards from other sites!! Wow were we excited.

Still, no selling of artwork though, and Blue told us not to expect to sell art over the internet, she had run a gallery for awhile herself and from her experiences doubted we could market it successfully. She was right, but something else happened...keepers started a blog and on their blog they wrote about what they had experienced in their life, what had made them multiples, what they felt and how they overcame and still struggled over osme things, how their children walked away and I hung on with them.

The more keepers wrote, the more comments they got. After a while it became obvious that other survivors and multiples were visiting the site as we visited theirs and left comments on their blogs. We were finding others who had this commonality, survivors of abuse many of whom are multiples, not all but many.

Then, in July 2006, after meeting with Pastor Brown, a friend who had helped us in a family situation several times, keepers knew what direction to go in. On the way home they said, when we get home send Blue an email, take all of the Paypal info off, all prices, nothing is for sale anymore. She had decided to turn Keepers Korner into a ministry of sorts, a site dedicated to helping others like Keepers in any way possible, if someone saw a picture in the gallery or a poem in the poetry gallery write us and let us know and we will mail you a print.

We got a toll free number for US, Canada and the Virgin Isalnds, need to talk, call us! We put up blogs about softies, stuffed animals, waterfall fountains, are your littles sad and lonely, are you alone at Christmas? Let us know and we will send your littles or inner child a gift just for them.

Why? To let them know that someone cares and wants to show them they mean something to someone. So they are not alone. So, we began the paperwork, to make Keepers Korner a legitimate charitable organization. This past week we received the papers back from the State of Missouri, Keepers Korner is incorporated as a not for profit charitable organization! Now we have sent in to the Federal IRS the forms asking for federal exemption. We don't know if we qualify but we are trying. But, after 20 odd years we know that Harold who originally got us incorporated is smiling down on us, for not giving up, for doing it again, without his help, but knowing he is still helping guide us.

Keepers Korner would have kept on doing what it is doing with or without the recognition from Missouri, this just makes Keepers and myself and harold so much more proud than ever before, a validation if you will, that we are sincere, that we will not give up, that Keepers Korner will grow. So we thank Harold and Blue and Andrzej for all they have done to get us here, we are so thankful to each of them.

To Keepers, keep up the good work, your dream, which has also become mine, is just unfolding before you, bit by bit, and I know we have a long way to go, but we will and it will be side by side, all the way.

Please feel free to visit us at http://www.keeperskorner.com and see where we are heading and who we are helping.

peace and blessings to each of you

John Michael

What a Night!!

2006-12-01T15:19:00.000-08:00

Yesterday afternoon the sleet and freezing rain came in around noon, before that it was just raining, lots of rain. and as the day went on the temps dropped. The day before it was 73 degrees and they said we had a winter storm watch in 24 hours, they were right!

At 2:30 my boss told me and the rest of our group to head home. Call in this morning and see if work was cancelled or not and we would go from there. My usual drive of 30 minutes took over an hour and a half, because no one was travelling over 30 mph, no one could, it was too darned slippery. When I got home, much to Keepers joy since I was safe and not in a ditch somewhere, I put on a pot of chili and we settled in. As the evening wore on the sleet continued to pummel the windows. They were predicting sleet, then snow, up to 8 or 9 inches!!! Yikes!!!

Around 11 pm when the news was finally going off it happened, our electricity went out, once, then back on, then off again, then a try to come on but....you guessed it, no such luck. So there we were, no electricity, temp in the 20's and sleet still coming down like crazy. With some trepidation we headed for bed, try to get some sleep and stay as warm as we could.

Well when I got up this morning it was COLD! Keepers checked the thermostat and it only goes down to 50, so we have no idea what it was. Just know it was cold! Little keepers were very cold, it reminded them of when they were at home with mom and dad and the bills didn't get paid and there was no heat. I had to get them somewhere to get warm. We went to Starbucks for some hot coffee and a blueberry muffin and then we headed to a shopping cneter to use an indoor phone so I could call work and my boss.

While I called in they went to the Old Navy store and bought 3 warm pair of fleece pants!!! Littles were very cold still and defending against the cold the best way they could. We decided to head home, shut off the water to prevent any bursting water pipes later, then would look for a motel. That was because there were over 500,000 homes and businesses without power and an estimate of 2-5 days for power restored!!!

Across the street, they never lost their power, different power grid or whatever, happens every time. But...as we drove down our street I looked at our side and the furnace vents were signalling power was back, cautiously I watched as did Keepers and then we got to our house, it was the same...Power was back!!!!!!!!

It's been over 5 hours now, the house is warm again, the pc is up and running and the blog is going up. Supper is in the oven cooking and the cats are lounging about. All is well once again at Keepers Korner.

As we drove down the street, we were both praying that when we got home the power would have been restored, and I do mean serious praying. For several weeks we have praying for a friend of ours in the UK whose brother in law had a cancer operation but was awaiting word on whether or not they got it all, both prayers were answered positively and we thank God for that.

Never underestimate the power in a silent word to on high.

peace and blessings to all of you

john michael and keepers

A Tree Is...A Wonderful Thing To Climb

2006-11-27T18:33:00.000-08:00

Ah yes, just ask our 11 pound cat, Max!! This is Max and Owen's 3rd Christmas and it looks like Christmas #3 and the time leading up to it will have "the boys" spending a lot of time downstairs if we are not around to "supervise" which will be pretty much how they spent the time leading up to Christmas # 2. Christmas #1 they were too little to do any damage and were content to lay under the tree, pull off an occasional bow or just teeth on a package or ribbon.

We put up the tree this past weekend, Keepers and I were in the holiday mood after a wonderful Thanksgiving free of stress for the most part and communicating with some very good friends so we put it up!! Before I got the first strand of lights plugged in to test them there was Max the Climber in the middle of the tree laying across 3 or 4 branches looking at me as though he had squatter's rights and this was the Oklahoma Land Rush. He was staking his claim right there and then!

Being the governor of the living room I ousted him and went about stringing the lights. Oh yeah, both boys were banished to the downstairs as we decorated. After we were done we felt courageous, we were both going to be in the living room so we could keep an eye on them.

That unfortunately is what Max likes...a challenge!! It wasn't more than 30 minutes into this years drama that Keepers went into the kitchen for something, I turned and then I saw the tree doing the hula dance in the middle of our living room!! Down to the floor I went, looking below it's bottom branches...nope, nothing there. Sure enough, he had restaked his claim to the middle of the tree, lights and all! Getting him out this time was complicated by light strands and ornaments and the fact that he didn't give up right away, at all!

During all of this so far, Owen, Mr Big at 15 lbs., and (unbelievably according to the vet not overweight for a cat his size) he had paid zilch amount of attention to the tree so far. Only Max had dared any encroachment here. As I got the water bottle to use as a last resort for future attacks I said out load, "Are you boys going to be good now?" As soon as I said that, as though he understood each word I had just uttered, Owen turned around and slowly walked to the basement door and proceeded to go downstairs. Keepers and I looked at each and laughed, he acted like he understood and knew it wasn't going to happen as we planned so he may as well just go on downstairs and get it over with!

Last night went pretty well, they left the tree alone for the most part. Today they spent most of the day downstairs as I had to go back to work and no matter how many keepers are out of body watching cats, when the one who is out but in the body isn't feeling well, it ain't gonna work. So they didn't come upstairs until after I got home. So far they have been so-o-o-o good it is scary. Max is laying on the couch across from the tree all curled up like a good boy. Owen is in the studio right behind me laying in front of a space heater warming his belly which is one of his favorite past times. It's not even cold so I turned it on low just to appease him somewhat.

Yes when we move back for bed they will be ushered downstairs where they can sleep or chase each other all over the basement, which isn't very different from their usual nigh time routine, the door will just be closed and blocked so they cannot get upstairs in the middle of the night, it is a sliding door and they can open it if not blocked.

It is a warm night here so I just opened the back door so they can look outside, also a favorite thing to do. In anticipation of this coming up, last weekend we bought two little mouse toys with catnip for them to play with. They were only 94 cents each so no big loss if they turned their noses up again as they always have in the past, and sure enough they did again. These two cats are straight and narrow when it come to catnip they always Just Say NO!! In the world of cats they have to be the Jack Lalaines of the cat world or the narcs of the cat world, I'm not sure which.

All we know is that they are so enjoyable, so funny and we are so glad to have them. For them we are truly thankful, even when the battle of wills comes into season.

peace and blessings

John Michael

One of the Best In a Long Time

2006-11-25T18:29:00.000-08:00

One of the best what you ask? Why... Thanksgiving, that is what! Keepers (my wife) and I had the entire day to ourselves, no one else to impose on us their ideas, their bigotry, their greed, their egos, their snobbery, their insensitivity. My what a refreshing day it was!

We manned the telephone (we have a toll free number for US and Canadian residents) 24 hours from midnight to midnight, because we know the holidays can be terrifying and disasters waiting to happen for many. Then on Thanksgiving morning we made the stuffing, stuffed the turkey and waited for it to cook. In between there we did some work in the studio, keepers painting and me working on federal forms to apply for non-profit status with the IRS.

Around 3 or 4 we ate some delicious turkey and dressing with some trimmings. I must admit that we are stuffing swipers! After the turkey has been in the oven for 2-3 hours we begin to invade the carcass and put spoonfuls of dressing in a bowl, use the baster to suck up some juices and juice up the stuffing, then feast on that! We probably do that 3 or 4 times before the turkey is done!! A couple of hours after our dinner we had some turkey sandwiches, ooops, it was really about 4 hours because I fell asleep on the living room floor while Christmas Carol played in the DVD player.

As we began to head for bed later, at a relatively reasonable time, one of our internet friends IM'd keepers so they were up for a while IM'ing. Eventually we made it to bed, collapsing and conking out really quickly. But it was a great day, no family members with their bs, no unwanted visitors, no stress, no mess. We can only hope your holiday was as good for you as it was for us.

Peace and blessings

John Michael and Keepers

Happy Thanksgiving

2006-11-22T19:09:00.000-08:00

To all of our friends out there in cyberspace we want to wish you a blessed Thanksgiving, one of reflection on what we all have, hope to have, what we have survived, what we intend to do.

To some of you this will bring bad memories and feelings, to others it will be joyous as you spend time with those you care for while for others it may be joyous because of who is not around you! We all have our own outlook and perspective in times like this, as well as any time for that matter, but holidays do seem to bring out the extremes we feel.

Keepers and I will spend our Turkey Day in the studio, keepers working on a picture while I work on the computer, as our turkey cooks. We will "test" the stuffing often, love that stuff, no pun intended. After we eat we will probably curl up and watch some holiday movies, The Bishops Wife or Christmas Carol and who knows maybe even take a nap if we so desire.

Anyone who needs a friendly voice who may be feeling alone or down or if they just want to say hi, feel free to call us on the 1-888-752-9070 toll free phone line for any US residents. We will also have a bouquet of rose stems on our table, to remind us of the difficult times we have made it through, the times we survived, which we are so thankful for.

To each of you we can only hope you have the day you want with the people you want, be it a houseful of family or friends or a few close friends or a day like any other day, no different, not special, just another day.

Whatever it is for each of you, may it be as you wish.

Peace, blessings and many hugs

john and Keepers

Problems

2006-11-13T09:43:00.000-08:00

This is going to be short, our pc is down at home so we cannot blog, cannot IM, cannot do anything computer related. We can't even get our email. Our pc is enroute right now to a repair person. We may be back up by this coming weekend. Keep your fingers crossed!!!!

To all of our friends out there, peace and blessings and we hope to be back in the internet saddle soon!!

john michael

Halloween Hauntings

2006-10-30T18:44:00.000-08:00

Since it is almost Halloween I thought maybe i would write about keepers and my ghostly experiences, whether they were real apparitions or excited imaginations or something else, something as yet unexplained, we do not nor will we ever know.

My first such experience was when my grandfather passed away, my dad's dad. He was a young man, only about 52 if I remember correctly. I was only about 8-10 years old. My grandpa was not a well educated man but he was smart. He was crude and many of the daughters in law were not very appreciative of his humor. Anyway, at the funeral the sons were sitting at the ends of the aisles and one of my uncles kind of lost it and my dad took him out back to get himself together and another uncle asked me to move to where the uncle had been sitting, why I have no idea. As I sat there i could clearly see the open casket, imagine my surprise when just like in the movies the spirit raises up out of the body~!!! sitting up, there is my grandpa looking all around the church. He seemed to take pleasure in the daughters in law who scorned him yet now were sobbing like crazy. As he looked around I just sat there not scared at all, watching him check it all out. I think he looked at me, kindly, and then he laid back down in his body. That was my first experience of that sort.

The next time was in college, my roommate and I were in our room on a Sunday night I believe and it was warm for that time of night. We were living off campus in a one room apartment with a common bathroom for the other three rooms of guys up there, all college students. It was supposed to be a three man room but it was just the two of us and I had the bunk bed while my roommate has a single bed. That night I was laying on my lower bunk reading a book and to my right was what we called a butterfly chair, a canvas chair that went over a metal frame. Well i rolled over to change positions and I saw a man sitting there in that chair not five feet away from me! I called my room mate whom i could see on his bed facing the wall, he said what and I asked him to look over here. Slowly he rolled over and he stared in my general direction. "What do you see?" I asked. "There's a guy sitting in the yellow chair...he's got a plaid shirt on...blue jeans and boots" """What about his face?" I asked. "I can't see it...just a shadow where his head ought to be", he replied. "Why?, What do you see ?" he asked. " I see the same thing, " I said. We both freaked out and he was gone! My roommate came over as we both stared at the chair, afraid to get too close to it. That night I moved to the top bunk and my rommie slept in the bottom bunk and we both had blankets pulled up to our chings. Two 19 year old guys scared, really scared. We rented that aprtment from the guy who owned the clothing store a few doors away. When we paid our next months rent we asked if anything odd or "creepy" happened up there in any of the aprtments. He said her heard a student from back in the 50's, a Korean war vet had hung himself in one of the rooms, but he didn't know which room. Our unexpected guest? Who knows.

Last but not least was in our first apartment after I got out of the navy. Our son was still in a crib but we knew it would be soon for him to have a bed as he was getting old enough. Well, on christmas Eve we were waiting for keepers brothers to show up, maybe we would go to Midnight mass, we weren't sure yet. We were on the couch watching tv and we both looked over at the junction of the two bedrooms and the kitchen and there was a little figure. Our first reaction was how did he get out of his crib? Oh no! he's climbed out!! Our life will change once again, our first child is roaming about! We got up to put him back in bed and he disappeared! We hurried to his room, turned on a light and there he slept, soundly, he hadn't been up after all. But if he hadn't been awake who or what did we see? Being Christmas we decided it was a little guardian angel and never looked back.

So there is our rendevouzs with ghosts, spirits, etc, except for the Ouija board experiences which I may or may not ever talk about again. How about you, any good scarey, creepy stories you can share? I know Halloween is a very scarey time for some survivors and I hope i haven't dredged up memories for them or they simply decided not to read this blog. To all of our visitors, peace and blessings

john michael

2006 World Champions

2006-10-28T16:21:00.000-07:00

The 2006 St Louis Cardinals, World Series Winner!! Who da thunk it? A team that managed to almost blow an entire season and on the very last day of the season managed to eak out first place in their division. That means they won more games than anyone else in their division which in turn means, they get a shot at the title.
A great team? It all depends on how you look at them. In 2004 the St Louis Cardinals won 100+ games including post season and were swept 4 games to none in the world series. this year was a different story, they managed to get most of the regular lineup together, they pulled together and as a team, they won, by scraping together, by relying on each other, by rooting for the guy in the lineup that day, by doing anything necessary to win. And they did. Everyone gave them nothing but grief just for making the playoffs, and as each round ended, with them advancing the critics poopoohed their chances of getting any further. All the way up to the end, Detroit will kill them! This team doesn't deserve to be here, to still be playing, how crass of them to even pretend they belong. They do not deserve to play with the good teams. Last night they won the world series! A team with a good many castoffs from other teams had done the impossible. They had beaten three teams in the post season, three better teams, supposedly, and at the end of the evening the trophy was theirs. To cherish, to savor, to handle with kid gloves. To tell thier kids and grandkids about years from now. They are winners from their hearts to their abilities to their guts and fortitude. They are worthy of the title World Champions, they earned it the last 3 weeks. Can anyone else make the same statement?

When I see what keepers and other survivors have done, to survive years of abuse, to keep on going, to try to understand their past and why and what they are, I can easily see that they too are champions, life champions that so many, mostly their abusers, say they do not deserve. Why not? Because they survived? Because they are not worthy? Because they are not normal? Those like keepers, multiples, like that team of 25 seperate players, pull their alters, their players together, over many long years of remembrances and tortures, and come out the winners. And they are criticized for not being elite, for not being the epitomy of the great teams, for not being like the rest. No credit is given for what they achieved. Some of their biggest detractors and critics have accomplished nothing near what they have. Nor have they tried. Unlike keepers and other multiples and survivors, the critics demean their success while failing in their own games. Like the Detroit Tigers they make errors, they miss chances, some of them even have the question of their having cheated come up. They criticize the less than great team while praising their own false ideals and abilities, not realizing they were the overachievers all the time, they were the ones destined to fall, while the team of castoffs, of borderline abilities, was destined to achieve immortality.

To the St Louis Cardinals of 2006, my gratitude and thanks for a post season to remember, capped by the championship.

To the survivors I live with every day and those I know from the emails, or visiting their sites and their visits to ours, my gratitude for the lessons you teach me, my thanks for not giving up and my respect for pulling together in so many ways, and being the champions each of you are.

john michael

What Would You Do?

2006-10-22T13:49:00.000-07:00

Ever fantasize about winning the lottery? Powerball? Magamillions? Whatever? Ever wonder what you would do if suddenly you had more money than you ever imagined? I do especially, I don't think Keepers think about it as much as I do, maybe they do and I don't know it, but there are times where I map it all out, what I would do, almost step by step so that when it happens I will be ready.

Money has been tight for so long that I would claim it right away, no getting a lawyer or tax adviser, I want twhatever the government leaves us because it would be more than enough for what we want.

Number One would be for me to quit working so I could devote my time to Keepers Korner and help keepers do even more with it.

Number Two would be to pay off every debt we have now and make repairs to our car.

Number three would be to set aside money to pay our bills and all expenses until the next annual check comes in, i.e. 1 years worth.

Number four take keepers and find a new house to be our home for the rest of our lives, with a big studio for their artwork and plenty of closets for clothes for many keepers. It would be near water, in our view, could be a river or a lake or an ocean.

Number Five would be to offer to all of our visitors even more things survivors could use and benefit from, like the toll free number for overseas friends so they could call us, or prescription assistance for friends who are having money issues so they would never be without their meds, or assistance for therapy when necessary or art supplies, there are so many ways we could help if we had the means.

Number six would be to meet as many usa friends as possible, requiring less travel but only if they want to meet, otherwise it would all be via phone or as it is now.

If possible I would like to take keepers to two places, to England to meet some of our friends who live over there, to australia to meet some who live there and then to ireland so keepers could visit their ancestral home.

That would be our dream come true, to be able to do those things, to be able to finish up our lives helping and assisting as many survivors as we could.

What about you? Let us know what your dreams are if you won. After all it's just a fantasy! Isn't it?

Peace and blessings to all of our friends out there

john michael and keepers

Blogs We Do Not Understand - Reposted

2006-10-20T04:52:00.000-07:00

We were notified by email today of approximately 30 blog sites on Blogspot that are pro pedophile sites. We have already agreed to flag these sites so Blogspot is aware of these sites and can review them. You can tell Blogspot what you think of this material here:
http://help.blogger.com/?page=help

And at this e-mail address:
support@blogger.com

I read parts of some of these sites and some are pure garbage and some are their rationale for their feelings, with "scientific" details to support their views and survey findings to also support their cockeyed attitudes. No matter to me, sexual loving of a child is wrong no matter what. A child is a child and must be protected and treated as such. No matter how many believe it is okay that doesn't make it right.

They can hide behind this romance and pure love BS but that is all it is, BS. A child who is used this way grows up in a sick concept of love and when they are adults cannot love as adults. It also robs them of their childhood, which is to be innocent and joyous, not a sexual toy for someones perverted desires and views of love.

When someone advocates loving children, in their sense of the word love, to me it means they cannot love as adults in an adult relationship, so they choose via their attraction to "fall in love" with children, whom they can easily sway with their lies, with their attention, building relationships they can control with their deceit. control. A very big issue for these people. Lies. How they enable their power over children.

Enough. I could go on forever on this subject but my purpose here is to bring these sites to your attention, so you our readers can know that they exist. If you wish, file a comment with
Blogspot or send an email with your thoughts as we have. Providing a support site for abuse survivors would be a lie if we knowingly disregarded sites like this.

Please do the right thing and ask others in your support system to report sites such as this also. The sites listed below are by pedophiles and visiting them by survivors is probably NOT a good idea, but if you could have someone you trust look at them so you are confident in the fact that you are reporting pedophilic sites that would be good. As pedophiles they are predators and must be recognized as such. i.e. they are dangerous to you and your children and any other children!

http://mojoe-.blogspot.com/
http://theboyloveblog.blogspot.com/
http://lgimh.blogspot.com/ (NO FLAG FEATURE)
http://theministryofboylove.blogspot.com/
http://viamund.blogspot.com/
http://ilgo.blogspot.com/
http://liberalleftistlunatic.blogspot.com/
http://rookiee.blogspot.com/
http://tnhn.blogspot.com/
http://thepuerist.blogspot.com/
http://realmschaotic.blogspot.com/
http://inselfdefense.blogspot.com/
http://refusing-to-be-silent.blogspot.com/
http://idiocymuseum.blogspot.com/
http://mysilentwar.blogspot.com/
http://debatecrime.blogspot.com/ (NO FLAG FEATURE)
http://gloriousgirls.blogspot.com/
http://nonce-and-forever.blogspot.com/
http://boyloveroll.blogspot.com/2006/08/disclaimer.html
http://waterchia.blogspot.com/2006/0...-chia-pet.html
http://absolutelynothingunified.blogspot.com/
http://love2uall-misunderstandings.blogspot.com/
http://camaa.blogspot.com/
http://themadalchemistsnook.blogspot.com/
http://informed101.blogspot.com/
http://daddysabreeder.blogspot.com/
http://www.foreversanti.blogspot.com/ (NO FLAG FEATURE, AND IT'S IN SPANISH)
http://themonsterinthecloset.blogspot.com/
http://virtual-diversity.blogspot.com/ (NO FLAG FEATURE)
http://propedo.blogspot.com/
http://alanthepedo.blogspot.com/
http://dark-freedom.blogspot.com/
http://artlesstruth.blogspot.com/
http://boystorynifty.blogspot.com/
http://pedologues.blogspot.com/

Please take care, each of you, protect yourself and those you love and those who could fall prey to these "people"

Peace, blessings and love to all of you

John and Keepers

Why?

2006-10-17T19:03:00.000-07:00

For the last six weeks keepers have been babysitting our granddaughters at their house while our daughter was in an out patient program, this was three days a week. So those three days I would drop keepers off on my way to work then visit them and the girls at lunch time and then pick keepers up on my way home. We truly enjoyed being with the granddaughters so much, because before this we saw them seldom even though we live close.

The in laws get all the prime times with them especially holidays and special days. This isn't about them so i will just leave them there. Preceding these 6 weeks of assisting them keepers had discussions with our daughter about our son and his family, our daughter claimed to be seeing very little of him and his family. We have seen him hardly at all for a myriad of reasons. The most important of which is that since keepers are abuse survivors they are very sensitive to it. Our son as a teenager was asked to watch our neighbors house, feed the dog, cut the grass, etc. After they came back home we were presented with him having gotten into their teenage daughters underwear drawer. As Keepers were in therapy then we asked another therapist in that office to see him and help him.

When our oldest daughter was married in another state we all went there for the wedding, a lot of people were staying at their home those several days. After the wedding we were told that one of the couples that left to spend the last nights in a motel did so because our son was fondling her feet in the middle of the night, uninvited!

His step daughter is now a teen but has for years stuttered and acted rather oddly. We have our suspicions as to what may be going on. We were approached by the pastor who married our daughter if this young girl had any particular problems we knew of, because she seemed to be troubled to her. Another possible sign. Granted, her real father, supposedly is or was an alcoholic, her mother is a gem also, our son's wife, so the possibility exist that this child has been abused in one form or another by several people.

Now our daughters two daughters, the two keepers were babysitting for...keepers and I fear for their safety. Our daughter informed us today that our son and his family are a major part of their life, will always be invited to holidays and special days so he can be a part of the festivities.
After all we had told her, after her possibly being abused by keepers family also, after knowing that her older sister was not comfortabel around big brother, she still wants him to be a part of their life with their daughters! She says she is watching him and so is her husband, but she also lied about their relationship with him.

We told this son he needed help, he responded angrily and how he had never molested anyone (being a cop he is so well versed on his legalese) and how if we didn't leave him alone we would be sorry. We told him if we ever hear of anything inappropriate by him we will go to the authorities and at least fill in the background and let them go from there. So we are having a standoff with him at this point in time.

Keepers are devastated that the daughter would seemingly ignore their daughter's safety by letting him be around them. That she could look at his step daughter and not see probelms there. Said daughter worked in several hospitals and dealt with many abused girls and young women, she knows the effects, and yet she accepts him into her life so freely!

In several weeks we have an appointment with an attorney from the Attorney General's office because Keepers reported a former therapist to the State Licensing Board of Review, he is being charged on five counts and may lose his license. Perhaps then is when we need to speak up about this family, our son, his wife and let the authorities take it from there.

The cycle has to stop.

peace and blessings

john

Sick Therapists

2006-10-16T17:40:00.000-07:00

Four years ago Keepers reported one of their former therapists to the State Licensing Board with the assistance of their then therapist. Like I said, that was four years ago. This Nov 28 the hearing will finally happen. There are 5 charges against him stemming from how he treated Keepers. We do not know what they are but the list is not complete. Keepers didn't even bring up some things that happened.

Ever since he was notified by the state he has tried to get keepers to change their mind, and he did get through to some and convinced them to rescind their complaint. Luckily the state said sorry but we have filed the charges after our investigation so we are going forward. Then for a long time we heard nothing. Then he starting calling me and sending me emails at work. I kept a log of his phone calls and saved the emails and forwarded all of that to the state. Then nothing again. Last Friday, how weird, it was Friday the 13th, he sent us a regular letter thru the mail and now he wants Keepers to assist him in standing up to the State and the "experts" because he knows how to treat multiples therapeutically!! But he needs their help and help of all multiples to beat the system!

We do not know if this is his next step in trying to confuse Keepers or if his cheese has slid off his cracker. I called the State Board and the local attorney for the Attorney Generals's office who is handling this and faxed and emailed a copy of his letter. The attornei I spoke with locally is also confused by his actions. The last time I spoke with her, back in July she said there was negotiations going on, maybe he would accept 2 charges if 3 were dropped, things of that sort, but today I was told he has cut off negotiations. He wants his hearing. No one knows what he is doing. Keepers are very confused because other therapists have labelled him a sociopath so not only are they confused but scared of him.

My whole point here is something I hae felt for a long time and several therapists somewhat agree with me, most people who get into the career of therapy have their own problems, most to a degree that does not prohibit their becoming a good therapist (I tend to not agree with this comment) but some (most) are just as messed up if not more than their patients. Like some who become clergy and use it to hide their perversions many therapists are also looking for victims who they can easily maneuver. There are few more vulnerable than multiple who were abused severely, their littles can be tricked just as they were many years ago. It takes a sick you know what to do it in the first place but it takes an even sicker person to capitalize on those suffering victims and revictimize them for their perverted pleasures.

To all and any of you out there who are seeking therapists for multiplicity and sexual abuse be very careful of your therapist. Be watchful for clues of misguided actions and ideas that you question somewhat. Your sense of something is not right should be listened to and heeded very strongly. Your initial or first impression should be listened to. It is your therapist, ask as many questions of them and other patients as possible. Try to check with the local governing body who licenses them and see if there are any complaints. Never ever stop listening to your inner selves if they are trying to warn you, there has to a reason they are setting off alarms!

What follows is an article I wrote for Many Voices, it has a checklist of sorts and maybe now is a time to bring it out of the mothballs so new visitors can read it...

Bad Therapy Warning Signs

By John W.

My wife, whose system is known as The Keepers, is recovering from DID. We have only been subscribing to Many Voices since December. We were wondering if there have been articles about abuse by therapists, or warning signs of an "evil therapist". By "evil" I mean anyone who derives their pleasures from tormenting someone who is so vulnerable.

We recently learned that her previous therapist was not what he claimed to be. The Keepers were advised by their new (legitimate) therapist that he should be reported to the state ethics board. With great trepidation, they did. Where this is going from here, we do not know, but Keepers are finding it extremely difficult to stay in therapy after being mistreated and betrayed by not one but two therapists in the last twenty years.

We would like to bring attention to warning signs for DID person and their loved ones to look out for:

Beware of therapists who cannot prove their degree of certification or misrepresent themselves. If you are considering a therapist check them out as best you can.
Beware of therapists who lead you to believe that they also have multiples like you do. It is one thing to be in touch with your inner self, but to say your little ones understand or your motherly side can comfort them, is all bull.
Beware of therapists who will not read the latest articles or go to seminars because they think it is bologna or they know more already, or they don't respect psychologists and /or psychiatrists. Honest to God, this is what this one therapist said to us!
Beware of therapists who say they will talk with another of your doctors, be it MD or another therapist and then do not follow through.
Beware of therapists who say no one else can understand you like they do, because of their experience with you or because they have "connected" with you, for whatever reason.
Beware of therapists who will not sign their name or position/title. This one used a "nickname". Never once did we ever receive anything in writing from him in his own name with his title or position.
Beware of any therapist who promotes, allows, or encourages any sort of sexual interfacing between them and you, for whatever reason. It is never appropriate and is only for their benefit, not yours.
Keep a diary of your therapy or have a loved one do it or perhaps both of you, especially if there appears to be anything unusual. No matter how many perspectives this results in, it is and will be beneficial.
Beware of therapists who constantly complain about how much they are going through, how they are taking abuse from you, how you treat them badly.
Beware of therapists who tell you they are the only one who can nurture you, who knows how to treat you best.

So, please be careful, heed warnings from yourself or others, be sure your therapist is what they say they are, and not another abuser searching for a way in.

Peace, blessings and love

john michael

Outcast

2006-10-14T20:28:00.000-07:00

"Outcast" is one of the pictures done by Keepers, in this case by Beth. It will be in the Trauma Gallery later this month on their site, Keeperskorner. When I see this I think it is one of the pictures that presents the utter loneliness keepers have felt in their lives. I am sure it is a common conception for other survivors and multiples. Seeing that little girl sitting outside the castle, alone in the darkness of the night. There is no drawbridge or other means of getting back in, visible in the picture. She is alone, she is an outcast, and yet she is safer outside the castle than inside the castle. There are no threats to her as she sits in the moonlight. All of the dangers are inside the castle.

Others may see a little girl, alone in a make believe world of castles and dungeons, while others may see symbolism that to them says she is shutting the world out to protect herself. Maybe she is waiting for her knight in shining armor to rescue her, or maybe she just snuck out of a side door to get away from the craziness inside. We can all imagine based on our own preconceptions and past experiences what is being said via the painted canvas.

That is the beauty of art, especially art like this, we can read into it what we see, what we wish we saw, what we are afraid to see. We each can see something different. Some may look at it literally while others look for symbols. Some look at it and say "oh, I know exactly what the artist is saying" while others may ask "what in the world?"

What I can probably guarantee is that what you or me or someone else sees is not what Beth was painting. That is the beauty of it. Over the next several weeks I will present other art of keepers and see what you see, if you care to comment. So feel free to see what you see and tell us what you see. Did it touch you in any way? Did it bother you in any way? Sometimes I will let you know what the artist was presenting but usually not, they prefer that we each see what we see for ourselves, so we can get out of it what we feel with no influence in one way or another.

To all of our friends out there and the casual visitor remember the galleries at Keeperskorner are yours to visit for art and poetry.

Peace and blessings

john michael

Rebuttal

2006-10-11T17:56:00.000-07:00

Well I got my first "angry" reply to one of my blogs, to read it and my reply go to the blog titled "Blogs We don't Understand".

The reply is from one of the pro pedophile sites that I blogged about.

I just wanted to make people aware of it so they can read it and examine his reply and mine to him.

Peace and blessings to all of you

john michael

Writer's Block

2006-10-08T17:58:00.000-07:00

I had something I was going to write but I lost it, suddenly it was gone. Tried to jog my memory so I read keepers blog and then I read Beautiful Dreamer's blog, then I was p***** off because of what they both wrote about.

Keepers wrote about family members who are perpetuating the ways of the uncles and parents and grandmothers and brothers who are still carrying on the family ways of hurting children. Some are gone now but others are 2nd and third generation who are carrying it on. Some have not gone that far quite yet but we are afraid they will. We have made it very clear to them that we will report them if we find out they have done anything to any children.

Beautiful Dreamer wrote about feeling as though she was not worthy of any pleasure or anything pleasant and I cannot remember how often I heard keepers admit that which made me realize again, that abuse survivors are more similar than dissimilar. The feeling, the memories they have are so similar, so common that once you know one abuse survivor and some of their feelings, you know at least a good portion of other survivors feelings. All? No! But enough to know what and how they feel.

To be honest it disgusts me that their perpetrators were able to do what they did. Likewise their children are doing the same to others now and why oh why do the other family members sit by and say nothing? Do nothing? Even after it is verified by others in the family people will still do nothing!! I do not get it.

We have a family member very close to us we fear is a predator, we cannot prove he has hurt anyone yet though we do know he has crossed lines and boundaries not with a child but that makes no difference. Crossing a line and touching anyone against their will is wrong! That is all there is to it. To make matters worse and even more difficult is he is a policeman, and let's face it, he now has built in protection. Cops will protect cops, it's that simple. Especially when they are your father in law and brother in law.

So keepers and I try to warn people, try to get through to people all to no avail. We warn family members with little children and they say they will watch it but they still spend time with these people, we warn others and they say oh no we can't report him, it will hurt so and so's feelings!!!
Hurt so and so's feelings????? What about the step brother he s********?

I do not get it !!! This type of stuff just infuriates me, makes my blood boil but to what purpose?
Maybe to keep on doing what we are trying to do at Keepers Korner, to give survivors of abuse a place to go, to find out they are not alone, to find others who can identify with them and understand them. To offer resources, information, and general support. As each month goes by I see, keepers see, more and more people who have been abused, who are trying to survive. We get emails from them, messages via yahoo 360 or this blog, and we know the numbers are staggering. Even more staggering is the number of deviants who are hurting the children of our world. And they are not alone, they have brothers and sisters who enjoy abusing others, other children, other adults, other men other women and somehow, someway it has to stop.

We all need to pull together and do all we can to stop those who prowl looking for their next victim. Their next victim could be your son or daughter or niece or nephew. Maybe then you will help? But, it may well be too late by then. It's your decision. You can be part of the silent majority and do nothing, or you can be a part of the solution, and do something, anything that is helpful to past victims or helps prevent someone from becoming the next victim.

Peace and blessings

john michael and keepers

Government Forms

2006-10-07T16:29:00.000-07:00

Filling out government forms...this is not a fun thing. All we wanted to do was file for being a charitable organization so we can get a tax exempt form so we don't have to pay sales tax for things we buy to send to people for free! And, if someday someone wants to make a donation to Keepers Korner we have the 501(c)(3) classification so their donation is a tax deduction.

That is all we wanted to accomplish. So far we have had to register Keepers Korner as a fictitious name in our home state, then to file the state exemption we have to get the same on a federal level. But, before that we had to get an Employer Identification Number, even if we don't have any employees! Go figure! So, then I called the IRS about three or four different times, asking questions and getting different answers, another big surprise, eh? We are now trying to fill out the 1023 form for federal exemption and classification as a charity. The form is 28 pages long!!

To file, it is either going to cost $300 or $750. That doesn't mean you will get the charity classification either!! The two different prices are based on donations incoming, and since ours is el zilcho we get the lower of the two. What a break eh?

Oh yeah, it takes a while for them to get back to you also. But that doesn't mean we don't have to file other paperwork, oh no!! At year end we have to file a form 1065 and write that we have applied for the 501(c)(3) and they will "take it from there". You want to kill some time on the internet, go out and read the government sites, for your state and federal, woof, talk about some exciting and clear to read sites!!!

Oh well, if nothing else this should make filing our taxes look really easy!! Have a good weekend and take care everybody.

Peace and blessings to all of you,

John and Keepers

Break Out the Fall Menu

2006-09-24T13:36:00.000-07:00

The air is getting cooler, even though our weathermen were predicitng a warmer than usual end of September for us, it hasn't happened! We went to Six Flags yesterday and had to avoid the water rides as it was too cold to get wet. But the cooler weather does provide the necessary change for Keepers and me to begin changing our supper menu from the summer fare to fall and winter fare.

First on my list is chili, can't wait to make some for supper and then follow it up as chili dogs another night. My chili is never the same tasting from one time to the next as I vary some of the ingredients depending on what sounds good to me. I say this because the older keepers do not eat chili very often but seven year Terrence loves chili and 4 year old Emily Ann loves chili dogs, so I do have some company on this. The basic chili I make is ground beef, onions, chili hot beans and tomato sauce, salt, pepper and chil powder and a wee bit of garlic powder. From there it may receive rotel hot peppers or salsa or green peppers. The biggest mistake I ever made was adding one TEASPOON of Scorned Woman Hot Sauce, no one could eat it without a glass of something after every bite. Way too potent to enjoy, never did that again!

For Keepers, their first choice is homemade Irish stew from their grandmother from Ireland's recipe and homemade chicken noodle soup from I don't know who! Personally I like 'em both and weather like this makes them move to the front of the menu list for us. Sometimes she serves the stew over rice with some rolls or biscuits on the side to sop up some of the gravy.

Also on our list of fall foods is spaghetti and meat sauce and lasagna. We use the same sauce for both, we start with Chef Boy ar Dee meat sauce, then add browned beef, onions, mushrooms, tomato sauce, salt, pepper, garlic, oregano and sweet basil. If making lasagna we also add grated mozzarrella and ricotta to each layer. Getting hungry just writing about such things!!

Meat loaf and mashed potatoes is a fall favorite of ours also, our meat loaf is ground beef, or round or sirloin, whatever is on sale. I add that because lots of times around here the ground, sirloin or round is cheaper than the ground beef at one of our local grocery stores, have no idea why. Anyway, to the beef we add 2 raw eggs, salt, pepper, garlic powder, one package of onion soup mix, one small onion and sprinkle in some instant mashed potatoes to hold it all togehter.

We call this one beef ala, it's a conglomeration of sirloin or tip steak cut up then added to browned green peppers and onion and canned or fresh mushrooms, do not cook all the way though. In another pan add two bottles of heinz savory beef gravy, add one bottle water add the beef, onions, green peppers mix and one can of oriental vegetables. let it all simmer while you cook some rice. serve the beef ala over the rice.

Well that's it for now, hope we made someone hungry and maybe gave them an idea for a meal coming up. If we did let us know how it turned out. We really hope it is good if you use any of them.

Peace, blessings and hearty meals to each of you

john michael

When Others Hurt

2006-09-17T15:27:00.000-07:00

When others hurt, what can we do? So often as keepers and I read other multiples and other survivors blogs and websites it is very often right out front as to the pain and hurt they are going through. Everyone leaves their comments, most trying to be supportive but there is so little we can really do to offer help.

Knowing that can be frustrating, it can hurt on this side, wanting to help ease someones pain, someones hurt. It often happens here, as I see keepers in pain, feelings hurt, tears welling, and yet there is really nothing I can do except be supportive, as we are trying to do via Keeperskorner, to be supportive. We get emails or comments that say thank you for your support and then we read on a blog how they are going to the hospital for depression and don't know when they will be back. Yes, it hurts to know we could help for a while but in the end it was not enough.

So, then you begin to wonder, are we doing any good? Are we really helping other multiples and survivors in any way? Or are we centering on those in deeper trouble than the others who are still on that road to recovery without the sidetrip to the hospital? Are we forgetting what we can do is limited, that the only ears who will hear us or those who read our words and know we are genuine. We read where those we care for, even though we have never met them, are considering stepping in front of a train to end it all!! What can we do? Should we expect to do something to help them? Is our support all we can give and can we give it in a better form?? We do not know.

We read where others want to help multiples and survivors, just as we do, and we wonder are they ready for the self doubt, the self questioning? The not knowing if we are really helping anyone out there. There are times when we really do feel we are helping, making a small but earnest difference in someones life and then in one glance at a blog or its comments we get so waylaid that we wonder if we ever really helped at all?

Maybe it is human nature, maybe it is that old fear of not being worthy to help much less do anything else right. We all have self doubts, but I can honestly say that multiples and abuse survivors have some of the lowest self esteem I have ever seen and I understand why. I also have seen it be growing steadily in some and in one fell swoop they are knocked for a loop so to speak, and back to "why bother".

What i forget I think is that I see Keepers as "recovered" in some ways and I forget that they still have many keepers inside who are not all at the same point on their individual road to recovery even though many I interact with are far enough along to offer this website of theirs as a support center for others, the way some people react or do not react can hurt them still. Keepers are very strong, very determined to help others on this path to recovery, to become thrivers as Marj says, but they can be hurt very easily and understandably.

So when I see others hurt and I see keepers hurt, I often wonder what more can I do, should I do? Is support all I can offer? Should there be more? Can i give something to help make it all easier to bear? All of us who are friends, spouses, significant others to multiples and abuse survivors need to make every effort to be all we can for our loved ones. They need us and we need them, we want them to succeed at thriving as much as they do.

I just got my answer, I went back and asked what was wrong, what can I do? They said "leave it be, we're not mad or angry at you, just leave it be!"

peace and blessings to each of you in your journey

john michael

Too Much Similarity

2006-09-15T21:24:00.000-07:00

Too Much Similarity: As I learned what terrible abuses my wife endured in her life before we came together, especially as a child, I was shocked to think that people could do such things to their own children, their own niece, their own granddaughter. Now, as we try to make Keeperskorner
a site for survivors to come to and get support and information and links to other resources and we hear their stories it becomes very apparent that what I thought was so unusual appears to be way to normal.

Tonight alone I read 3 blogs by 3 different survivors and each one had very similar incidents, perpetrators as keepers did. I always knew abuse was usually at the hands of family members and that sadly, in keepers family the was collusion among family members to promote this behavior but now i am reading in others blogs how they were abused by multiple relatives!!!

How can parents mutually abuse their children? How can they turn them over to other adults in the family for the same type of abuse? Are these people simply devils posing as humans? Are they the sickest people to live? Were they so abused they now have to pass it on?? Are they so putrid as humans they have to control children to feel some sort of power and control?

When you consider in your musings is there good and evil, is there a god and a devil, is there a battle to be fought between the forces of what is right for the good of mankind and what is right for the good of me and you are aware of bs like this happening in our world everyday, you have to know which side you are on and say so. We have to stop this somehow, someway. Because it just escalates into abuse of others, not just children, but of sisters and wives and mothers nad strangers because the perps care about no one but themselves.

Yes, I know abuse happens to males also, and I was not avoiding that, but I also know that as a society that is often overlooked. But then the priests abusing the altar boys and such began getting publicity and now the entire world knows more about abuse than maybe ever before and yet I see no large outcries for it to stop. I still see people donating to their churches, I still Amish people being "left alone" by outsiders to deal with their own problems, just like the Jews of New York City who also claim to have a serious abuse problem but you see one or two articles and then nothing more.

When is mankind going to stop burying it's head in the sand and deal with these problems?? When are people going to speak out and be heard? We need more celebrities and "known" people to admit if they were abused, raped, etc to draw attention to the problems because in this world if you aren't somebody, no one else cares, except for others who endured the same, and so far, it is not enough to make drastic changes in how perpetrators are dealt with.

To everyone who has ever been abused, raped, molested, or personally assaulted in some manner against your will, I can only say how sorry i am that a member of the human race did this to you, and because i am a member of this supposed human race, i am ashamed.

peace and blessings

john

Communication

2006-09-12T20:54:00.000-07:00

Communication, one of the most important abilities we have. to be able to communicate our thoughts, our feelings, our wants, our needs. We all need to communicate to others, and how well we do it influences whether or not we reach those people and get what we are looking for.

For the most part, those we relate to are not mind readers, they cannot telepathically know what we are thinking, therefore we must tell them. When we tell them we must communicate ...that is to say we must approach it on a level that encourages them to listen, to hear, to digest what we say to them and to then respond, hopefully in a positve manner.

Communicating with Keepers and other survivors of abuse or other trumas requires us to communicate gently, supportively, compassionately, and honestly. Hmmm...come to think of it, sounds like a good way to communicate with anyone, doesn't it? Maybe that is my whole point here, that when dealing with anyone we need to make every effort to honestly communicate, to make every effort to make it as easy as possible for the recipient to hear us, to understand what we are saying. We should make them comfortable with our words, our tone of voice, our inflections, and as a result we should be able to communicate better.

Communicating is indeed a two way street and we as listeners to someone else must make every effort to hear what they are saying. We need to focus on them, their words, their eyes, their presentation, read them as they speak, watch for thier body language also. Realize they may be uncomfortable or nervous, weigh it all and hear them. Really hear what they are saying and not what you think they want you to hear or worse yet, what you want them to say.

Communication, is so important to relationships. Be it a stranger saying "excuse me" or a sales person or a friend or a loved one, or oneself. Yes, we must also learn how to tell ourselves things and listen to our inner self as it tries to direct us, to make us hear what is being presented to us.
Being a good listener is tantamount to a good conversation and communication. Do not expect others to listen to you when you won't listen and hear them. Communication, successful communication is an art, one we all need to improve on.

peace and blessings to all of you

john m

Visiting Pastor

2006-09-10T12:33:00.000-07:00

Saturday we visisted Pastor Brown who is in the hospital up in Kansas City. He has diabetes and got an infection in his foot which is very dangerous for diabetics. He had to have surgery on his foot. So we trucked on up there to see him, a good 41/2 hour drive from where we are. Now Pastor Brown just loves White Castle burgers. I don't know how many of our visitors know what a White Castle burger is but it a unique burger, cooked on a bed off onions on the grill, the patties are small and thin, 4 or 5 bites can do in a WC burger easily. To say they have their own taste is an understatement. Most people either love 'em or hate them! Well, PB loves 'em.
When we got there 3 of his sisters were there with his nephew who had a football game to play in yesterday afternoon. Well 2 of the burgers were for his nephew and 2 were for him, you would think we robbed him of those 2 we gave his nephew!! Sometimes Pastor just strikes you as a really big boy who hasn't grown up but then you listen to him talk and you realize he is a man of great stature, not just physically but emotionally, spiritually and morally.
We have had several sessions with pastor where we have discussed so much; our problems, societies problems, his problems, the websites problems, and yet we have also shared our joys and triumphs. Usually he casually mentions Jesus and doing the right thing, not because he is preaching to us or anyone who may be there, but that is how he truly feels, he never ever places himself above anyone else, if anything he tries to be in the background and lets you be in front so to speak, even if you are uncomfortable with it. He speaks quietly and softly yet firmly and with compassion and passion at the same time.
Back to yesterday, his sisters were getting ready to leave when we got there but we at least gotto meet them and now they know he didn't make us up. Ever since Pastor and us began his monthly newsletter his sisters have been kidding him about these 2 people he says is helping him but they never see these 2 people! They were wonderful ladies and huggers also, just like Pastor. His nephew was there and got to take his 2 White Castle burger home with him!! We got to visit with him for a couple of hours, his nurse got him in a wheel chair so we could take him on a stroll around the floor. Seems like every other person we saw said hi to him and us or he said heelo to them. The man draws the best out of people, I swear. Maybe that's one of the reasons keepers and I love him so much, after we have seen him, listened to him, talked to him we feel so happy, so full of life and hope we are so ready to take the next step in whatever direction we are heading.
After we had been there about 2 hours we were getting ready to go, as Pastor pouted kiddingly, "you're going to leave me just because you've got a 4 or 5 hour drive ahead of you?"
and wouldn't you know it, in comes another couple, regulars at his ministry. We met them and got our goodbye hugs from Pastor and left him in their hands or them in his, depending on how you want to look at it. As we left we knew we felt better for seeing him, for being with him, we just hoped we had given him something in return.
This morning we had an email from Pastor, sent from his hospital bed, telling how he had company until 10:30 last night at the hospital and had more on the way this morning! He will not be alone, he is too loved and needed. He also thanked us for being there, for taking the time to drive there.

It was our pleasure Pastor.

john michael and keepers

Keepers, John and Keeperskorner

2006-09-06T19:28:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone, John here, I'm the one in the baseball cap. Keepers are the lovely blonde on the right, my left, and Keeperskorner is the "two" of us together as well as all of our visitors and Blue our webmaster. I bring this up because there is some confusion on behalf of some of our visitors, they think I am a keeper also. I am a fraction of this team as there are way more keepers than johns. I say that because keepers are a multiple personality system, the direct result of years upon years of traumatic abuse, (is there any other kind?) that forced them to cope somehow and multiplicity was their minds resolution. Simply create different alters (keepers) to handle different things in life so that no one individual has to handle too much of the abuse. Pretty amazing, eh?

I am husband to some, significant other to others, best pal and buddy to others, first love to some, friend to a few, partner to many and probably pain in the butt to some as well as smart assed sailor to others, (I was in the Navy when we got married). All in all we are two bodies, many minds and individuals that have a website called Keeperskorner

Keeperskorner was originally a site to sell keepers artwork on and secondly a site to provide information about multiples, about their views and mine on surviving abuse, about what it is like being a multiple and the spouse of one, but it has been transformed into a ministry of sorts, no longer attempting to sell artwork but now offering it freely those who desire it, one piece at a time I might add, and also offering support to abuse survivors via a toll free phone line for USA residents, via the blogs, the articles we present, the art and poetry galleries, the links to other sites and blogs that also offer support and information.

Both Keepers and I write blogs, we also visit others and leave our comments there. Keepers are the heart of the site, the heart of the mission as stated on the homepage. They are the ones who know the pains, the memories, the abuse and how those who have gone through the same sorts of things feel. What I know I know by observation and having lived with keepers for 36 years. So, what I know is what I have seen and heard which is nowhere near the same as having experienced it, the abuse they all endured.

I am posting this on our other blogs, just so more of our visitors might see it. I want everyone to know who is who. To be honest it was an honor to be asked if I was a keeper, I have that much respect for them and others like them. But, I am as they say a "singleton" so I am more than happy to assist them in getting the word out, in promoting what we consider to be our ministry,
in telling other loved ones and significant others of other abuse survivors and multiples what I have seen and experienced from my viewpoint. I am happy to refer others to Keeperskorner so that they may find that one word that can help them survive or make it for 5 more minutes.

Keepers and I hope we are a part of the solution, for we never want to be part of the problem.
Won't you join us?

Peace and blessings

john and Keepers

General Blahs

2006-09-01T19:36:00.000-07:00

Posted on www.Keeperskorner.com 9/01/06 Reproduced with Keepers permission

Ever have one of those days where nothing is terribly wrong but nothing is terribly right and your overall feeling is "blah"? Little things happen to eat up your time, things happen that results in your putting off a planned thing to do or a special dinner has less than special food, you know, those little things that by themselves you go "oh well", but tie three or four of them together and your whole day is "blah".

There are good things too, maybe a call you were expecting actually comes, maybe a call you were hoping for comes also, maybe another call you have been waiting for comes and at first you're very happy but then you find out they don't feel good and they have what could be serious health issues so that call went from happy to sad. Maybe you were hoping for a call or a card from someone close to your heart, but it never came.

Maybe you went to do an activity you are usually quite good at or at least better than your significant other, but this time you have absolutely no luck at all!! They are doing better than you which is good, don't get me wrong, but when you are used to being the best at this particular activity and nothing goes right, except for some small victories, it makes your day a little more "blah".

I know all keepers have "blah" days sometimes, sometimes all of us have them the same day and those are "BLAH" days! Not just keepers have them, we know everyone does, some people just have them more than others or at least it seems that way. So how do you, our visitors handle those "blah" days? We'd like to hear how you get over them, how you handle them. Is it something you do for yourself to bring yourself out of it? Maybe you read something special or listen to a sentimental cd or whatever. Let's hear it from as many as possible as to find out what you do to combat the "blahs".

We are looking forward to hearing what our visitors have as remedies, which we all can use to turn our "blahs" into "hurrahs".

Peace and blessings always

Keepers

Favorite Movies

2006-08-29T17:34:00.000-07:00

Do you have favorite movies that you know others are going to read your list and they will say one of several things, stuff like "Are you kidding?" or "You liked that?" or "That movie stunk!" Yes, the critics who either feel that no one can understand movies like they do or that movies have to be brilliantly made and technically superb or some such upper echelon type of critique. Notice I said favorite movies not "best" movies because they can and often are separate.

I bring this up because last we watched 50 First dates with Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore. A great flick? No, but for some reason keepers and I love that movie and I think it is because being in love with multiples is a different kind of love in that it requires more deliberate actions than a "normal" relationship requires. This last comment is bull! Any relationship needs special actions and cares taken, not just ones with a multiple. Maybe falling in love with a multiple made me more aware of what I should be doing no matter who the relationship was with.

Another of our favorite flicks, Secondhand Lions with Rober Duvall and Michael Caine. Critics hate it, say they aren't even close to being brothers in looks or anything, etc etc bla bla bla. Who cares??? We love the movie! HJ Osment as the kid is cool but the two brothers and their antics are a riot. Maybe keepers and I have a weird sense of humor compared to the rest of the people out there.

How about Pirates of the Caribbean? It's a movie based on a video game or a ride at an amusement park or something! Who cares? Johnny Depp is a hoot in this movie.

Here's another one we like, Homer & Eddie with Whoopi and Jim Belushi. Whoopi is dying and meets up with Jimbo who plays a man who was struck in the head by a line drive in a baseball game as a kid and was brain damaged forever after. Jim Belushi gives a wonderful performance and Whoopi is Whoopi, we love her in most things she does.

That brings us to two other favorites, One being The Color Purple, a simply fantastic movie, though a wee bit depressing at times, but it really conveys a time and a region so well and everyone acts wonderfully. The other one is not a movie but a concert by Whoopi, a one woman concert where she portrays different people from a valley girl to a Jamaican housekeeper to a junkie visiting Anne Franks home. Poignant, touching and a great presentation of what Whoopi is capable of.

Paint Your Wagon, Lee Marvin cannot sing, neither could Jean Seberg, Eastwood can to a degree and yet we love this movie and the soundtrack. Most critics hated it. Oh well!

Funny Girl with Barbra Streisand and Omar Sharif, all for sentimental reasons for keepers and I.
Not that the music is anything to sneeze at!!

The Quiet Man, Big Duke Wayne and Maureen O'Hara, I cannot tell you how many times we have watched this movie. Keepers being of Irish descent has a special place for this movie in their hearts.

Bambi by Walt Disney, Bambi, Thumper and Flower all the littles love them. How can you not?

So there you have a short list of some of our favorite movies that for the most part, critics didn't like, major exception being The Color Purple.

Maybe in a few weeks I'll put up a list of my favorites and then one from keepers perspective, until then the balcony is closed.

john michael

Too Much

2006-08-27T18:11:00.000-07:00

Late this afternoon we went to a small birthday party for our oldest granddaughter at our daughters house. There were 7 adults and 2 children. Now litle Sammi was celebrating her 2nd birthday or should I say her mom and dad and the rest of us were. Because little Sammi has no idea what is going on. She doesn't know what a birthday party is or why it is. She likes Dora the Explorer so that was the theme of the party, to the extreme.

Our daughter had decorations in the kitchen and living room, all of the plates were Dora, streamers, etc and I bet little Sammi had no idea as to the relevance or really cared. There was enles spicture taking and video taking because she had no idea it was her birthday and some day she will look and see the pics and video and maybe, just maybe remember one toy or special item she received.

She won't remember the other 49 gifts or even care. To say that way too many presents were bought would be an understatement. In my opinion for a 2 uear old it was utterly wasteful. In my opinion for any child it was wasteful and overdone. How anyone can think a 2 year can appreciate all that she received? At 2 years old you're not even into opening gifts yet, much less 50 of them!

Even if I was very very well off I can honestly say I would not do that. There is no reason to buy one child 50 gifts!!!! If they are 2 or 10 or 17 that is ridiculous. Especially when the child needs socks and shoes which can be Dora if need be. And what dare I ask is the sense in buying a two year old little girl a basketball hoop set, yes it is for little children but I really doubt that a two year old girl will play with it as much as her father will.

I don't get it. Too much is too much and in my opinion that is way too much.

Til tomorrow!!

john michael

Caution: Life May Be Triggering

2006-08-26T12:06:00.000-07:00

Posted 8/26/06 on http://www.keeperskorner.com

Triggers and causes of triggers have been a hot topic this week here at Keeperskorner and rightly so, we all have triggers, even us "singletons" or "non-multis" as I have heard us referred to as, and even those of us who have not suffered the traumas that the real survivors have had to endure and grow past and are on that healing journey we so often refer to here also. Man that was long sentence! In shorter words let me say, caution, life is full of triggers.

But...triggers are for individuals for the most part. What triggered T on the CD cover and the CD lyrics has never triggered keepers nor anyone else we know of and believe me we have been asking around. Yet, T's reaction triggered keepers, they began to fall into that very old guilt and we are evil mode, one that was thrown on their shoulders by the abusive family as well as an abusive therapist!

Triggers can be obvious, in fact in my opinion Lifetime cable channel is full of triggers in their selection of movies, you know the female in jeopardy of the day movies. I am not an abuse survivor but I can see how those movies could trigger any number of people.

I've seen keepers get triggered by going down the steps into a basement, more than once, and each time the abreactions began, triggered by the steps and location of the steps. I've seen them get triggered by a tone in a voice or a word. Each survivor has their own set of triggers and it is impossible for the people around them to protect them from every trigger, not without sealing them off in some manner which in many cases would be a trigger in itself as they were sealed off in their abusive situation.

I would like to quote Blue for a few lines here as she makes some very good points, in our opinion:

Keepers Korner is an AWESOME ministry
that has helped a LOT of people. Many more people will be helped if Keepers
Korner continues. The same is true of Morning Vision... I feel terrible
that our CD caused her abreaction... but I cannot shut down Morning Vision
because of it.... just like 4th of July Celebrations cannot all suddenly
cease because it causes some people to have flashbacks of Vietnam... There
will always be people that we cannot help for one reason or another... But
the important thing is that we are helping everyone that we CAN help and we
are willing and available to be used wherever God wants to use us. That is
all we can do. :-)
~ Blue

Great words Blue and thank you for them. We know for a fact we had helped T before the CD incident, she told us so in her emails, just as she had helped us, it was a win win situation for all concerned. We still consider her a dear friend of ours and if she or any of her family or friends do read our blogs we hope she will see that we do care and we have been examining all of the aspects of what happened and we hope as time goes by, she will be able to recognize it also.

Others have written us, asking us not to shut down, not to quit making the music available, not to give in to our guilt. As our readers have so stated, we cannot protect everyone though we try, for all we know there are people who have abreacted over a picture in one of the galleries, or a comment in a blog that hit too close to home for someone.

What it boils down to is that we are determined to continue on this journey, life is full of triggers for keepers and anyone else out there who is on this journey, all we can do is try to minimize them with honest efforts and continue on.

To all of you out there who come by this site and the many others who offer their stories on their sites, please be kind to each other, we all make what turns out to be a mistake even with our best intentions, we can only apologize and continue onward. After all that is our jouney, that is life, full of triggers, little land mines along the way, they can stop us for a while, they can even help us realize an issue that still needs to be dealt with. Triggers are God's way of saying, "You are not over that yet, let's work on it, okay?"

It kind of sucks to know that in the grand scheme of things our sending that CD hurt T; yet on the other hand it not only triggered memories but also triggered reaction, to work it out, to face it finally, to release the anger and hurt and move even further down the road of recovery. In that light it helps to know that the end result is growth for her, emotionally she has wounds that are scabbing over now, able to heal. I guess we are puppets in the hand of the Great One at times, maybe T can understand that now, just as we are beginning to also.

Caution, life itself may be triggering and yet it also may be healing.

Peace, blessings and love to each of you from all of us here at Keeperskorner, may you each heal in you own time at your own pace, but heal and grow and blossom and help those about you do the same.

John and Keepers